October 27, 2012

War Stories: FOB Salerno Bazaar

One fine morning (about noon since I worked through the periods of darkness) I was observing our nice easy Sunday schedule, which meant I had one hour of free time before reporting for duty to go to the PX, bazaar, or Green Bean Coffee shop.  I decided to go to the bazaar to have a cup of tea with my favorite local national shop keeper and let him rip me off on some pirate movies.

As I got close to his shop, which was a conex box stuffed full of cheap, Made in Pakistan, items, I noticed a commotion behind the row of shops next to his.  A group of Pashtun local nationals were gathered in a circle taking whacks at something with these long lengths of pipe.  Foolishly, I decided to go see what was going on back there.  I walked into the fracas and noticed they had surrounded a Bengal monitor lizard and were trying to kill it.

I knew the locals were afraid of the lizards and there were plenty of them running around the area.  What was funny was the Pashtuns were too afraid to get close enough to actually hit the thing.  I’m no PETA-type animal lover but the things were harmless and I guess I felt sorry for it.  I mocked one of them for being afraid and asked why he didn’t just walk up to it and grab it by the neck.  He looked at me like I was crazy, then he asked me why I didn’t go and grab it by the neck.  With this obvious challenge to my manhood, I accepted, foolishly since I didn’t know jack shit about lizards or how to handle them.  I walked into the middle of the astounded group of would be lizard killers and snatched the thing up by the neck and tail.  They were shocked but not more shocked than me!

Feeling all full of myself, I decided to take a victory lap in the bazaar and show off my new pet.  I brought the lizard to my shop keeper friend and he nearly shit himself.  I suggested we take a picture with it and insulted his manhood enough to make him go for it.


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  • LauraKinCA

    @JHR  @StormR  @RichDD  @dickftr  @CJCJ  Muzzles?? Really?? I thought you were going all Lizard Whisperer on us. That seems a bit like a cop out. I can certainly come up with a decorated strap-on to go with the rest of Lizard of Respect's race gear though. NO ONE better notify PETA of any of our goings on. You will have to screen all charity guests thoroughly!

  • JHR

    @LauraKinCA  @StormR  @RichDD  @dickftr  @CJCJ Radar, U missed the boat. Youre the engineer and you are going to design a strap on for the snake eyes. R We Clear?Otherwise PETA will shut us down. May we please have Lizzard Muzzles as well? Biting? Really?

  • LauraKinCA

    @JHR  @StormR  @RichDD  @dickftr  @CJCJ  No dissin' here. Just saying that Lizard of Respect might bite the hand that feeds (or carries) it if you start piercing tender parts. Go Butch with the lizard dress up gear maybe instead?!?

  • JHR

    @LauraKinCA  @StormR  @RichDD  @dickftr@CJCJ   Heh Now, Don't be dissin my Lizzard. Thats the charm. Storm has her  Lizzard with lipstick & tube top & painted nails, etc; I have mine w/snake eyes. Remembe-Brandon said that the SEALs RESPECTED the Snake Eyes. My Lizzard will be a Lizzard of Respect. Don't go dissin dat.

  • LauraKinCA

    @JHR  @StormR  @RichDD  @dickftr  Yeah going full deal snake eyes on your lizard probably won't win you races. Remember, you want them to like you as you run with them in your arms. Angry lizards are much worse than Angry Birds! Stormy's idea of dressing them up might work though :)