Erbil, Kurdistan — Medical officials within the Kurdistan region of northern Iraq shocked the world yesterday when they unanimously issued a full ban on the Jordanian manufactured icon of the Global War on Terror known as Wild Tiger energy drink thus leaving the entire region without any means of “Total Activation.”
Wild Tiger energy drink which touts a whopping 75mg of caffeine per glorious can, came under fire from the Kurdistan health ministry after some studies came back indicating that regular intake of the energy drink could cause some “serious risks to health accompanied by damaging side effects.”
In an interview with the Kurdistan news outlet, Rudaw, Dr. Rekawt Hama Rashid said the decision to ban Wild Tiger came after a study showed that the 8.5 ounce can posed a serious health risk to its consumers, that and there is no import license with the Al-Arabia Co. LTD, the Jordan based bottling company that produces the savage essence of the feral jungle cat in liquid form.
Wild Tiger became a symbol of the Global War on Terror to most if not all of the veterans that served in Operation Iraqi Freedom. The energy drink became the “go-to” pre-mission preparation of all soldiers who could get their hands on the drink. Wild Tiger was known to provide the physical endurance and reaction speed necessary for American warfighters along with their Iraqi counter-parts to fight the insurgency. Cobbled with the increase in metabolism and mental acuity, Wild Tiger truly did provide ‘Total Activation’ infusing the “eye of the tiger” into U.S. and coalition troops.
Seeing the effects of this mystical elixir, the U.S. military attempted to create their own version in what was known as “Rip-its.” Made by the lowest bidder, Rip-its short of providing emergency bowel movements, kidney stones, and mid-mission caffeine crashes which left warfighters scrambling for another mini-can Rip-it boost just didn’t compare to the “tiger in a can.”
Little is known as of yet, as to how this will affect international relations between the Kurdistan region and Jordan, who is increasing its diplomatic ties with the northern Iraq regional Kurdistani government. Yet, with the Tal Afar offensive against entrenched Islamic State fighters on the horizon, it is hoped that the Kurdistan government puts pressure on its health ministry to lift the ban, at least for the Kurdish military until after the offensive has achieved victory.
Feature image courtesy of: Wild Tiger USA