Some really bad neighbors are stationed over there in far Eastern Europe and the miserable frozen steppes of Northern Asia (think: Siberia in a sunless winter). And they are surrounded by an ocean of pissed-off conservatives, moderates, and liberals in every country (except Armenia, Belarus, Cuba, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Fill-In-The-Blank-istan).

These conservatives, moderates, and liberals are normally at each others’ throats in the off-season, but for this extended game day in Ukraine, they play nice.

Children asking for peace in Ukraine. From Dino Garner's personal collection.
Children asking for peace in Ukraine. From Dino Garner’s personal collection.

Putin Is on the Pooplist of Every Decent Human Being on Earth

They want Putin to be injected with a maintenance dose of 2 mg/kg of succinylcholine. Since Vlad is about 71 kg, he’ll receive 142 mg.

You’re gonna love this: succinylcholine is a powerful muscle relaxant that prevents the person from moving at all, but allows them to experience a world of pain.

Cool, huh?

Vlad may die of shock eventually, but not before feeling, sensing, and perceiving every tiny prick, cut, slice, stab, slap, punch and strike from his worldwide fan club.

A caricature of Vladimir Putin adapted from a Creative Commons licensed photo from Wikimedia. By DonkeyHotey, Flickr

Recall that awful scene in Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket where Private Gomer Pyle, held down in his bunk by his buddies stretching a blanket over his body, is brutally assaulted as they slap and pound him with cloth-wrapped bars of soap. Tears fell when I saw it, as it reminded me of how guys in my Basic Training class beat the crap out of young kids—their own peers— hapless, underperforming recruits.

Humans can be so cruel and barbarous.

Witness: Vladimir Putin, class clown, pride of the KGB, and secret pawn of the Bank for International Settlements (BIS).

On the world stage, Putin acts like he bears no master, but his handlers at the BIS know better and they are manipulating and steering his actions and behaviors in this war on the good people of Ukraine. Instead of going after the public faces of the enemy, we should be storming the BIS and arresting their owners, strategists, tacticians and employees.

Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom

Ahhh, but this beautiful day, only a few days removed from April Fool’s, brings the promise of an early Spring to most parts of the world, where a thousand flowers bloom in a sea of vibrant color and texture.

Ukrainian children are celebrating, knowing full well they could be attacked at any moment. Still, they carry on . . . like beautiful passionate flowers, turning toward the sunshine with hope for the future.

Ukrainian children tell Putin: NO WAR!
Ukrainian children tell Putin: NO WAR!

A Federation of Fools

Those unlucky many in the Federation of Fools are continually being brainwashed by propaganda that “educates” them to hate the West. It is drip-fed to them via every form of media in existence. The Russian media don’t have much of a budget, so they’re recalling the Old Guard and recycling spare parts and hangar queens: from 1950s vacuum-tube TVs to VHS tapes to string and a tin can.

Mind you, the West are those people who used to buy Russian petrol and natural gas. And the good citizens of the West are the ones who allow Russia to maintain a seat at the UN. We in the West tolerate the vitriol and slander of Russian anti-leaders and the bumbling spy operations of the Chekka/KGB/FSB.

If the good Bolshevik Felix Dzerzhinsky were alive today, witnessing the antics of Putin The 12 Year Old, he’d take Vladimir out back by the woodpile and . . . Sekir baschka. Even the ghosts of blood-thirsty revolutionaries of a hundred years ago have certain standards.

We Think We Know Why Russia Really Sent Troops To Kazakhstan

Read Next: We Think We Know Why Russia Really Sent Troops To Kazakhstan

Russians Are Neurally Malnourished

Let’s be fair here: the Russian people are fed garbage, so they rocket-vomit variations of that detritus, and they do it gleefully on Russia’s Funniest Home Videos, uploaded to Twitter. My Gawd, where is their collective self-awareness? Don’t they realize how ridiculous they appear to those outside their borders? Evidently not. And this is somewhat forgivable since they are largely non-thinking, double-digit-IQ, obtuse, high-grade imbeciles. Functioning morons, at best. Please see the illustration. I don’t mean that as an insult.


Different levels of mental development (1915)

Note that the term “moron” was a real medical term a hundred years ago when researchers unleashed the concept of eugenics. That’s for another article, though, one that involves industrious Russian scientists who dabbled in ESP and mind control on the side.

Genetic Basis for Aggression in Russians

For my next trick, we need some perspective, so let’s recall Child Psychology 101 from university about the mind of a child, presented by Dr. Gary Evans (no, not the serial killer Gary Evans):

“Poverty in childhood can have implications throughout an individual’s life, whether it’s physiological problems from poor nutrition or psychological issues arising from the social implications of poverty. Researchers have now demonstrated quantitatively that children who experience poverty from birth to age 9 tend to have an elevated allostatic load—a stress marker that incorporates physiological measurements associated with stress, such as heart rate—in their teenage years. Previous studies have focused largely on the role of parenting and diminished cognitive enrichment, but this study shows that chronic physiological stress also could contribute to the problems impoverished children face later in life.”

Russian Army troops act like uneducated, inexperienced, bratty kids who throw tantrums to communicate their primal needs, fulfill their expectations, and generally get their way. If you’re a Russian who’s reading this now, you may be the exception. Good for you. Please dilute it and explain it to all your comrades.

Monoamine Oxidase A is located on the “Warrior Gene.”

Violence is coded in certain genes of Russian DNA, one of which is monoamine oxidase A (MAO-A), which is located on the “Warrior gene.”

According to Dolores Garcia-Arocena, PhD, “A specific variant of the MAOA gene (VNTR 2R MAOA) was a risk factor of violent delinquency, but only when the boys suffered some other stress, such as family issues, low popularity and failing school . . . Interestingly, MAO-A’s function affects the following systems:

  1. The dopamine system, which is involved in mood, motivation and reward, arousal, and other behaviors.
  2.  The serotonin system, which is involved in impulse control, affects regulation, sleep, and appetite.
  3. The epinephrine/norepinephrine system, which facilitates fight-or-flight reactions and autonomic nervous system activity.”

One need not look closely at the research findings to know they fit the profile of Russian aggressors to a T.

Russia Needs Ukraine

I’m sorry for being so seemingly abstruse. Just wanted to lay down some framework before I dived into why Russia needs Ukraine back in the fold.

Why? Because Russians are largely stupid and, therefore, have relied on just about every Gastarbeiter to set up the whole Russian system of culture. Enlightened Germans, Persians, Frenchmans [sic], etc., streamed into Russia in the 1700s and set up shop in every city, town, and unoccupied hut. They brought with them higher forms of education and technology, individual rights and dignity, and a new sensibility and taste that previously had not existed on the largest land mass of any country in the world.

With all that clean water and rich, organic matter and mineral resources, Russian intelligence should exceed a double-digit IQ per capita. Nope, it’s definitely not in the water.

Russian Vodka.
Russian Wodka, distilled and bottled in St. Petersburg (not Florida).

Russians Can Make Wodka Out of Thin Air, What I Lovingly Call Aerowodka

The only thing Russia has produced since forever is wodka, which is the only distilled spirit that can be produced under all the harsh conditions in Russia. Even if there’s an ice age going on, Russians will find a way to make wodka. Volcanoes erupting all round? Russians will make wodka from charred potatoes spat out by the volcano.

So it’s not surprising that Russia gets some really cool parts of its culture from Ukraine: artists, comedians, scientists, medical doctors, social researchers, musicians, actors, intellectuals, and thinkers.

Russians will argue that they produced the great Sasha (Alexander) Pushkin, founder of Russian literature. Oh, yeah? I say that Sasha got his smarts from his mom, who was of German and Scandinavian descent, a far better genetic stock than anything in Russia. His dad contributed Sasha’s mincy balls, which were ceremoniously shot off in a duel with a cool French dude, Georges d’Anthès. And the Russians still claim their beloved literature lives on. Right.

For Russia to save face and survive as a nation of high culture, it must genetically splice Ukraine back into its DNA, even if the square Ukrainian peg won’t fit into the tiny round hole of Russia.

So when Ukraine diffused out of Russia sua sponte, the cultural czars in the Fatherland cried to Putin to bring Ukraine back and dissolve that country’s own sense of self and civilization, thus allowing Russia to absorb the goodness that was once the beautiful Land of Ukraine.

Without Ukraine, Russia is an atavism, an embarrassing throwback to the Stone Age. If ever admitted to the EU or NATO, Russia would pollute the gene pool.

On a lighter note, Russia would still be known worldwide as the industrious producers of aerowodka.

Ukraine lives!

As for Putin The Moron: “Sekir baschka!”