“War is a racket,” wrote two-time Medal of Honor recipient, Marine Corps Major General Smedley Darlington Butler. He also said it a hundred times during the speeches he gave across America in the 1930s.
His book of the same name sought to alert the world about how the military industrial complex (MIC) greatly profits in time of war. His example was from the horrors of WWI.
Since then, every war has been funded by high-interest loans with usurious interest rates, thus putting billions of dollars in the pockets of funding banks and their owners/operators.
“War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of the people. Only a small ‘inside’ group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many. Out of war a few people make huge fortunes.”
Just when Americans were starting to get mad as hell over Butler’s revelations, the game suddenly changed.
Now, in 2022, you can fund you own war online, using very simple tech tools and one or two little white lies. If you’re Catholic, God will forgive you because your heart is in the right place and your cause is just. If you’re Muslim, well, Allah will do the same. They’re not about to leave you to your own simplicity, however, so God and Allah may charge you a tax on it. Best keep extra $$$ just in case.
Like love, modern war isn’t about making $$$ or impressing anyone. It’s about helping neighbors in need, regardless of whether you know them or even like them. It’s not about earning medals for gallantry and valor, either. It’s about saving the life of a stranger.
This is the Betty Crocker recipe for modern warfare and it allows you to fund your own war without having to spend a whole lotta $$$, time or effort.
Who the heck is Betty Crocker? She’s a bubbly fictional personality from a hundred years ago. C’mon, it wasn’t that long ago.
Even if you’re not in the know, Betty’s 3-steppers for baking a cake are still on the backside of many a cake-mix box at the grocery store.
Soooo, my loves, here’re some free bullets to start your own war:
Fund your own war via crowdsourcing on Kickstarter and GoFundMe and get paid via PayPal or Direct Deposit
There’re a few examples of guys asking for money, for equipment and vehicles in Ukraine. Of course, they don’t mention they’re gonna buy some 7.62 rounds and a few antitank missiles. You can set up a crowdsourcing campaign on most of these sites, and solicit funds. Be careful you don’t mention stuff like “So I can go kill commies” or “Murder Putin.” It’s okay to tell a white lie now and then, long as the end product is righteous (read: Russian soldiers go to their maker).
PayPal will happily be your $$$ broker, but they take something like 3% or so of the gross and hold the funds for a few days. And, no, they don’t tell you why they hold your funds for a few days. Anyone with half a mind knows it’s because “someone” is earning interest on all those funds in that “holding cell.”
Still, it’s better than going through some other bank that has all these laws, rules and regulations, forcing you to submit reams of paperwork just to get approved for an account.
Some crowdfunding sites like Kickstarter will deposit your earnings directly into your bank account, but they also take 5% of the gross. A small price to pay to raise a boatload of cash, you ask me.
Use your iPhone to transfer funds from bank to vendors
The banks don’t know how old you are and they don’t care, long as they get their cut of your profits. You can use your smartphone to check on funds, move ’em around as necessary, and transfer them to vendors as needed. Pay bills from the comfort of your apartment near the battlefield.
Also, before you depart for the battlefield, ensure you have your bank’s app on your smartphone so you can access your account from anywhere (that has a stable internet connection).
Make sure your Verizon account includes using the iPhones overseas, esp. in Ukraine.
Get weapons and ammo shipped fairly close to your battlefield position overnight by international courier
Don’t even think about telling Kickstarter you’re buying weapons and ammo! Solicit $$$ for something else, like books, medical supplies, baby diapers and family packs of M&Ms and Snickers. If possible, set up a remote postal receiving station in country.
Some civilians will let you use their home addresses, so ask your interpreter or guide for assistance. This must be set up before you go to war, else you may be scrambling to find a suitable reception point in country. That’s where social-media sites come in handy: you can befriend some cool peeps in Ukraine before you go. Keep in mind they’re on a “need to know” basis, so don’t reveal too much. At best, tell them you’re on a humanitarian mission. Morals aside, killing Russian interlopers is a “humanitarian” thing to do, after all.
Here’s the latest intel on shipping to Ukraine, courtesy of eSeller365. Note that the intel was updated on 24 March 2022 and not since.
USPS, FedEx, UPS, DHL, Amazon, eBay have issued the following alerts regarding Ukraine and Russia:
- US Postal Service continues to accept mail to Ukraine and Belarus except for Global Express Guarantee (GXG), which is transported by FedEx (see service alert from FedEx below).USPS issued a suspension of Service notice for Russia and is not accepting any mail to Russia as of March 11, 2022.USPS continues to accept mail to Ukraine and Belarus. But it’s unclear how mail to Belarus is getting there due to sanctions and transport route limitations which are similar to Russia.The Ukrainian Postal service (Ukrposhta) announced it resumed select postal delivery routes in the country after initially closing all offices and operations. As of March 10, Ukrposhta said it has over 4,500 branches operational and the postal service is using mobile offices on routes where possible.Status of regional Ukrainian Postal operations as of 3/24/2022
Region Post Office Status Cherkasy Particaly open. Cherkasy closed. All other places in region are on reduced operating hours – until 15:00 (3 pm) Chernihiv Occasionally operating, depending on local conditions. Priority is pensions and selling goods. Chernivtsi Only city post offices. Standard operating hours. Dnipro Reduced operating hours – until 16:00 (4 pm) Donetsk Reduced operating hours – until 15:00 (3 pm) Ivano-Frankivsk No postal exchange in Ivano-Frankivsk until 18:00 (6pm). Other places in region are operating under standard operating hours. Kharkiv Only mobile post offices in safe areas. Most offices are closed. Kherson Partially open (11 out of 25 offices in Kherson are operating) Khmelnytsky Reduced operating hours – until 17:00 (5 pm) Kirovohrad Reduced operating hours – until 16:00 (4 pm) Kyiv Partially open, subhect to staff availabilty Luhansk Reduced operating hours Lviv Reduced operating hours Mykolayiv Mykolayiv closed. Other places in region reduced operating hours – until 15:00 (3pm) Odesa Reduced operating hours – until 16:00 (4 pm) Poltava Reduced operating hours – until 15:00 (3 pm) / 16:00 (4 pm) / 17:00 (5 pm) Rivne Reduced operating hours – until 16:00 (4 pm) Sumy Reduced operating hours – 10:00 (10 am) until 15:00 (3 pm) Temopil Reduced operating hours Vinnytsia Reduced operating hours – until 16:00 (4 pm) Volyn Reduced operating hours – until 17:00 (5 pm) Zakarpattia Standard operating hours, no postal exchange Zaporizhzhia Only post office operating reduced opening hours Zhytomyr Reduced operating hours – until 15:00 (3 pm)
Ukrposhta has also launched a cargo charter service from neighboring Poland to transport mail to the United States and is using the return flights to bring humanitarian goods back to Ukraine. Apparently, it is not using these return flights to transport mail.
However, in an update to international postal operators, Ukrposhta advised them to send items destined for Ukraine via Poland, Slovakia or Latvia and it will collect the mailpieces from those countries for delivery in Ukraine.
USPS has not indicated how its mail is being transported to the Ukraine. But shippers should expect significant delays when sending mail or parcels to Ukraine. Tracking could also be affected and show irregular routing.
- FedEx issued an alert that it has suspended all Russian and Belarusian services until further notice. Locations in Ukraine have been temporarily closed and inbound and outbound services to Ukraine have been temporarily suspended.
- UPS issued an alert stating, the carrier has suspended operations in Ukraine, Belarus, and Russia.
- DHL suspended operations to Ukraine and Russia and closed its offices and operations in Ukraine. “[I]nbound services to Russia and Belarus have been suspended,” DHL said in a statement. And the carrier was “not accepting shipments to those countries until further notice.”
- Amazon announced it has suspended shipments of retail products to customers in Russia and Belarus.
- eBay Global Shipping Program announced it has suspended shipments to Ukraine and Russia, including offering eBay sellers additional seller protections for items in transit, even if they used another carrier. The marketplace has not addressed shipments to Belarus. Currently, eBay has issued this alert in the US, Canada, and Australia.
Meest currently ships to Ukraine. Here’s the latest intel on how.
In the least, you can always ship to Warsaw, Poland, and drive the packages over the border.
Use iPhone to record real-time videos of your battles
Once you’re “there,” you can use your iPhone to record all the action. I recommend having two extra iPhone 13 Pro Maxs. I’d also max out the memory and storage of your iPhones, ensuring you have plenty of high-tech badassery to shoot high-quality, combat footage. Before you go to war, set up an international account with a good cloud service, so you can upload all raw videos to a secure server outside Ukraine.
Audio? The least invasive way to capture audio accurately is a boom mic with furry windshield, available from Amazon or BHPhotoVideo. Try to ensure you’re away from the din of battle, lest you miss out on important conversations nearby.
Hey, this is combat and shit happens, so carry extra iPhones. Plus, you can set up the spare phones on tripods in different spots to capture more of the action, and do it all with a remote. Unfortunately, the remote only works at distances of less than 10 meters. If you have iPhones stationed farther away, you’ll need to get a brave volunteer to accompany the iPhone to that distant location and operate it from there. Of course, if the guy is danger-close to the enemy, well, sucks to be him.
If you’re hand-carrying your iPhone, use one of those gimbaled devices that minimize shake, rattle and roll. I recommend having two of them on hand. Hey, shit happens. Try one of these:
DJI OM 4 – Handheld 3-Axis Smartphone Gimbal Stabilizer with Grip, Tripod, Gimbal Stabilizer, available on Amazon.
Zhiyun Smooth 4 Professional Gimbal Stabilizer for iPhone Smartphone Android Cell Phone 3-Axis Handheld Gimble Stick w/ Grip Tripod, also on Amazon.
Since they are a mechanical device that can be dropped, bent outta shape, dunked in water, and used as a last-resort weapon, get two. Besides, it you have those two extra iPhones I order you to bring with you, you may need to outfit them with a DJI.
Who knows? You may recruit a talented Ukrainian to shoot extra combat footage for you. Since they’d be gambling their life just to slave for you, please offer them hazardous-duty pay, say, $100/day. And of they shoot something that garners you a Pulitzer or some cool recognition, award them with a bonus.
Just remember to recover your hardware and footage from your cameraman before you go home.
Edit your videos on iPhone
iPhone has a great editor in iMovie, which allows you to do just about anything necessary to produce high-quality video. Remember the tech adage: garbage in, garbage out. The better your video capture are when you first shoot them, the better they’ll be in post-production edits. It’s a difficult thing to edit a badly shot video using iMovie. So get it right the first time.
There’re some setting you should preset before going into combat. Read up on them. If you’re like me, you hate to read manuals, so consult YouTube. Do a search for “edit video on iPhone 13 pro max.” There some great how-to videos for employing the “cinematic” mode of your 13. There’s also some decent dramatic music to to accompany your video.
Me? I recommend a third-party site for royalty-free music, Artlist.io. It costs $299/year, but you can download any and all of their beautiful music in several different formats. And they have detailed search criteria to find the right music clip for your war video. If I were you, for the action sequences, use Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries. If you blast Wagner loud enough, it’ll scare the crap outta the nearest Russian and make him go, “WTF!?” If he shoots at you, it ain’t my monkey.
I also recommend subscribing to Benett Graezer’s YouTube channel. He produces the best how-tos for general filmmaking. Great stuff!
Use Twitter as your own personal PR agency and news blaster (or to harass your enemy)
Once in country and shooting video/audio, get on your Twitter account and let the world know how your combat vacay is going. I recommend shooting your entire journey, making it an epic road trip for all to admire and go, “Moly hoses!” You can always use that footage, or excerpts, for future crowdsourcing campaigns to show the world that you’re now an expert at starting a war using donated funds, not high-interest bank loans. In short, you are now seen as a savvy businessperson, a dude who ain’t afraid to get down and dirty in a war zone you may have created from scratch. Now that is what I call enterprising. Honestly, that kinda moxie would easily get you into Harvard or Stanford B-School.
A tiny suggestion: you can plant disinformation on Twitter to fool (or just toy with) your enemy. Just so you know, Russia is using Twitter as its propaganda tool and it’s working marvelously. Just look at all those ignorant Russians who hate Ukrainians they’ve never even met. What the Russian ignorants don’t realize is that Russia got most of its arts and culture and science from Ukrainian artists, performers, writers, intellectuals, physicists, and the like.
Back to your disinformation campaign. If you’re a regular killer and want to take out some Russian soldiers, here’s how: take photos of you and your soldiers in a certain location. Then leave that space and return to a safe zone. Plant your false information on Twitter, including those pictures and videos in a readily identifiable location that has geolocation enabled. They will be read and studied by some unsuspecting Russian intelligence “expert” who advises his commander to immediately hunt you down and kill you and your buddies.
In short time, that Russian flag officer will send a kill squad to your false location, where you and the boys will be waiting in ambush. Case closed. Remember to cut their unit patches from their uniforms for your personal collection of enemy booty. If you choose to lop off something else, remember that “biological specimens” cannot be shipped home via the regular channels, unless they’re labeled correctly:
If you’re the sadistic type, you can find your enemy’s Twitter handle and send them real-time messages that the world can read. Harass them with disinformation about you and your positions. When they get angry, you have accomplished a small goal: throw them off their game.
And if your Twitter PR campaign grows some legs (or, if you’re lucky enough, some wings). . . .
You can invite people to the battlefield. There’re some real precedents, so don’t dismiss me just yet:
During the American Civil War’s Battle of Bull Run, spectators gathered on high ground, if available, and sipped vino and beer. They watched battles between Union and Confederate soldiers. Some of these intrepid sightseers witnessed the first major battle of the Civil War, at Manassas, VA. As far is known, though, none of those “warons” became casualties of war.
Waron is a neologism I coined years ago. It’s a derivative of “touron,” a term that my dear old friend, Dr. Paul C. Sikkel, came up with. Paul and I are twisted like that. He invented it when he witnessed moronic tourists stumble about in Panama where he was working.
War + touron = WARON. It’s also the title of a war novel I’ve been working on since forever. Don’t hold your breath.
It’s only fitting that Ukraine provide us with another example of warons on the battlefield: during the Crimean War (1853-56) on the Crimean peninsula, which now belongs to Ukraine, though Russia is arguing the point as we speak. While Ukraine was not yet officially formed in 1856, their peoples gave rise to the good citizens of Ukraine today.
One of my favorite books is Journal Kept During The Russian War: from the departure of the army from England in April 1854, to the fall of Sebastopol. Since I collect rare books, I have a copy from 1856. It’s like being right there with the author, Frances Isabella Locke (Fanny) Duberly, who kept detailed journals of her travels with her husband, Captain Henry Duberly, who participated in the The Charge of the Light Brigade. Yes, that charge.
I won’t go into detail here, so please buy a recently published copy on Amazon. Briefly, members of British and French aristocracy, and some untitled rich people, bought considerable supplies for the British Army and Navy, which didn’t have the necessary pounds to fund their own war, and had them shipped over to the battlefield. Thing is, they also accompanied the shipments to ensure they arrived safely and were distributed to the right units.
The civilians often took strolls among the hills and along the shores of the Crimean peninsula. And when the fighting started, they had a picnic in prepared areas above the battle. More often than not, they would laugh and cajole as their men and the enemies killed each other below. Fanny documents some of the high-tea gossip and behind-the-scenes politics of the various services, the officers and enlisted men. Everyone seemed to love Fanny, who took regular walks among the men and solicited intel and comments on all topics, certainly enough material for her cool book.
You, too, can have family, friends and colleagues be spectators at your personal war. Far enough away to be safe. Close enough to see blood and hear the cries of the dying. It’s the ultimate family adventure.
Use Twitter to solicit advice from the crowd and from drones
Get input from outside sources via Twitter. What if you’re stuck in a bind and need assistance or help? Get on Twitter and ask for help. In seconds, one of your followers will come to your aid and, if they don’t have an answer, will be all too quick to find it on your behalf. It may be a good idea to invest in a man-portable satellite phone and internet as backup. You’ll need at least $39,000, so please crowdsource the funds before you depart for your war. My rule is, always get two.
An alternative is the Iridium Extreme Sat Phone. It’s only $5,000 plus shipping and handling. If you value your pretty ass, then invest in both of these babies to ensure you always have a connection to the internet and to your people.
If you have spectators on the battlefield, you can have one or more operate spy drones to track and watch the enemy, and alert you to any potential threats coming your way. Drones can see enemy positions in real time and track their every move. If you have a team of drones that operate 24/7, you can harass the enemy with up-to-the-second intelligence that translates into attacks or counter-attacks on their “secret” positions.
This is intel like no other in war, plus it’s raw and uncensored by intel machines like Mossad, the CIA and MI5/6. You can have your own personal intelligence community, right there on the battlefield.
This is cool. I’ve used it before when I was a Ranger and merc. and no one even knew about it: get a handheld parabolic reflector and transmitter/receiver to pinpoint your enemy, perhaps in the woods or some urban environment, and listen in on their chatter. Can also use the unit’s microphone to surreptitiously send them voice greetings, messages and love letters, and they will never know where they came from.
When I used it in a wooded and urban environment, I would whisper to my targets who were 100 meters away. No kidding, they actually “felt” the whispers tickle their ears, but had no idea how it happened. It was eerie to them.
You can drive an enemy insane with this technique. I had guys jumping out of their boots. You do not have to visually see the enemy, either. The receiver picks up sound, even if the target is behind a wall or vehicle. If their voices flow into the wind, you can pick them up and in turn whisper sweet nothings in their ears.
eBay has some models here. You may have to do some research on a model that will also transmit from the unit to your target. Most just receive signals from targets.
Your dirty laundry needs an industrial spin cycle
Hire PR propaganda person to spin your dirty laundry. We all have it at one time or another, and could use a pro to wash out the crap and iron the finished product for your approval.
You don’t have to use those big PR agencies. Try FiveRR. They have some worldclass people from all over the world who will be happy to help assist you in harassing and killing some Russians.
As I said before, you can also plant disinformation on Twitter to fool your enemy. Using geolocation, take photos of you and your soldiers in a certain location. No need to repeat all that fun.
You have just cut out The Military Industrial Complex
War is no longer a racket for the MIC, whose catch-22 has been in place for more than a hundred years: no one can play our game unless we say so.
It is now a serious game for Everyman and Everywoman in Kansas City, Dubuque, Charleston and Tampa Bay. The little guy can do a war, soup to nuts, using modern tech that’s right at your fingertips. The limiting factor is a stable internet connection and a zone where missiles, rockets and bullets aren’t coming right at you, allowing you time to conduct operations.
Major General Smedley Butler ratted out the MIC at a time when people needed to know about it, though there wasn’t much they could actually do to stop them. Today’s MIC
still exists today but is being put to shame by battlefield entrepreneurs who study business, marketing, PR and The Internet of Things.
Battlefield reports are now on an iPhone that burst-transmits to cell towers and satellites, then to Twitter.
Instead of waiting five years for the movie to be made, it’s being shot live on the battlefield and edited and scored on an iPhone 13 Pro Max.
People don’t have to pay $$$ for theater tix or a Netflix account. They watch on their iPhone in the comfort of their living room within hours after the action.
The complexities of war have been reduced by high tech to a simple, unabashed pleasure and form of entertainment, run by teenagers who previously drove virtual F1 racecars and flew virtual WWII fighters.
War is no longer a racket of the military industrial complex. In such sweet irony, it has been dragged into the 21st century by kids with no experience as warriors in the US military. Instead, they have created a virtual universe where brains and high-tech rule over brawn and old-school weapons and tactics.
These brilliant children of ours have effectively killed the MIC’s catch-22 . . . in the year 2022. And they tell us we cannot raise saints in hell.
I love this: these kids have usurped the term “special operations,” now calling it “transcendental ops.” TO.