Below is what I put on my personal Instagram this morning:

Huge Bond fan, but Spectre is the worst Bond movie made. It was terrible. Sorry Daniel, you play a great Bond, but the director screwed you, buddy. Strong start, and then it was like watching grass grow until the last 20 minutes. Then, as if it couldn’t get any worse, it does. I sat in horror as a moving helicopter at 500 feet, 500 meters away from a moving speed boat, was shot down with a Ruger handgun—defying all laws of physics. Congrats Sam Mendes, you gave us “Sphincter,” not “Spectre.” You have to work really hard to “f” up a Bond movie, but congrats, you did it. If anyone else suffered through this movie, share your thoughts below and pass the word, tag a friend, so nobody else has to throw good money after bad.

Look, this isn’t about the technical details, people. I can forgive 12 shots from a 10-round magazine, or the 200-meter submachine gun hip kill shot. This movie was just a bad movie. I only mentioned the handgun scene (it may have actually been a Walther used, I forget, I was too blinded by boredom), where Craig shoots down the helicopter (at night) from 500 meters, from a moving boat, because it was the final kick in the balls for me. Seriously, at that point, I felt compelled to waste time on a Saturday off to write this review in the hopes I would save some poor bastard his hard-earned money.

Think about it, folks, you have to work hard—really fucking hard—to fuck up a massive-budget Bond movie, but hat tip to Sam Mendes for pulling it off.