World

IED Emplacement Postponed For Another Goddamned Safety Brief

Trekh Nawa, Afghanistan – The planned emplacement of an improvised explosive device (IED) on Main Service Road Tulley was delayed again, according to local Taliban leader Mullah Ahmidullah, because all the emplacers had to attend “another goddamned safety brief.”

“We were all set to go this morning, until I got my turban chewed by Mullah Hayatullah,” Mullah Ahmidullah complained.

According to Mullah Ahmidullah, four of his emplacers still had to undergo Operational Risk Management, Motorcycle Safety, and Gender Sensitivity Training.

You've reached your daily free article limit.

Subscribe and support our veteran writing staff to continue reading.

Get Full Ad-Free Access For Just $0.50/Week

Enjoy unlimited digital access to our Military Culture, Defense, and Foreign Policy coverage content and support a veteran owned business. Already a subscriber?

Trekh Nawa, Afghanistan – The planned emplacement of an improvised explosive device (IED) on Main Service Road Tulley was delayed again, according to local Taliban leader Mullah Ahmidullah, because all the emplacers had to attend “another goddamned safety brief.”

“We were all set to go this morning, until I got my turban chewed by Mullah Hayatullah,” Mullah Ahmidullah complained.

According to Mullah Ahmidullah, four of his emplacers still had to undergo Operational Risk Management, Motorcycle Safety, and Gender Sensitivity Training.

“Seriously?” Mullah Ahmidullah exclaimed. “Gender Sensitivity Training?  The last woman we saw was the one we stoned to death for smiling!”

Mullah Ahmidullah runs a cell of Taliban fighters that emplaces IEDs on the local roads, targeting American convoys and Afghan police vehicles.  At least that was before the Quetta Shurah put a new emphasis on safety and risk management in the field.

In the last two weeks, Mullah Ahmidullah’s cell has only managed to emplace two IEDs, a decline which he primarily attributes to a now “endless” series of classes his fighters have to attend.  “Tuesday is ‘Music is the Devil’, Wednesday is ‘Drugs: How to Grow and Sell Them’, and Thursday is ‘Don’t Kill Yourself Until We Get the Vest Strapped On’.”

According to Mullah Mubarak in Herat Province, the new focus on safety briefs is impacting other Taliban units as well.

Read the rest at The Duffle Blog!

About Jack Murphy View All Posts

Jack served as a Sniper and Team Leader in 3rd Ranger Battalion and as a Senior Weapons Sergeant on a Military Free Fall team in 5th Special Forces Group. Having left the military in 2010, he graduated from Columbia with a BA in political science. Murphy is the author of Reflexive Fire, Target Deck, Direct Action, and Gray Matter Splatter. His memoir, "Murphy's Law" is due for a 2019 release and can be pre-ordered now.

COMMENTS

You must become a subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.

More from SOFREP

REAL EXPERTS.
REAL NEWS.

Join SOFREP for insider access and analysis.

TRY 14 DAYS FREE

Already a subscriber? Log In