Bagram Air Field, Afghanistan –The Air Force has released information regarding a new weapon in their arsenal: The MX784 Irritant Dispersant, or “Glitter Bomb” as it is known in the service, has arrived on the scene in Afghanistan to the applause of many troops.

Colonel Stanley Roberts, a representative for the Air Force, explained what the bomb does over a phone interview.

“The glitter bomb has been used effectively on a smaller scale basis for years. Even Newt Gingrich got a face full of one. We simply adapted this weapon to use on a much larger scale. It’s an airburst weapon, meaning it doesn’t hit the ground and impact, but explodes over head of the enemy. Once the bomb detonates, an area of approximately one square mile is coated in glitter.”

But why glitter?, we asked.

COL Roberts responded, “Honestly, I can’t think of anything more annoying than this type of warfare. It’s been extremely effective in every engagement. In each case, the Taliban fighters immediately committed suicide once hit with the MX784. Everyone hates glitter, well, except for the gays and Ke$ha. The main drawback is that the affected area has to be treated like a radioactive site, because that glitter is never coming off. ”

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