Satire

Watch Out For These Ridiculous Gym Diseases You Can Get In The Gym

Dumbbells in a local gym. ©Alvinategyeka/Wikimedia Commons

With the current COVID-19 situation that we’re in right now, going to an enclosed area and being in contact with surfaces that are often touched by tons of people poses risks in contacting the disease, like in the gym. You could also contract germs and bacteria from sweaty gym equipment. We’re not going to discuss those, as we’re here to have a look at some of the weirdest gym diseases that you could get from the gym, and they’re 100% real! Have you heard of ILS? How about gruntitis?

 

Invisible Lat Sydrome (ILS)

Do you know Johnny Bravo? People suffering from ILS walk like him. It’s the awkward stance that men do to make their chests look bigger. Their arms are lifted away as if braces were holding them up, imagining they have huge lat muscles. The great news is that it’s there is a cure for the disease: back exercises like chin-ups, pull-downs, and single-arm lat pull-downs to actually strengthen their backs, and the huge lats won’t be just imaginary anymore. Time to put those chest and back muscles to work!

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With the current COVID-19 situation that we’re in right now, going to an enclosed area and being in contact with surfaces that are often touched by tons of people poses risks in contacting the disease, like in the gym. You could also contract germs and bacteria from sweaty gym equipment. We’re not going to discuss those, as we’re here to have a look at some of the weirdest gym diseases that you could get from the gym, and they’re 100% real! Have you heard of ILS? How about gruntitis?

 

Invisible Lat Sydrome (ILS)

Do you know Johnny Bravo? People suffering from ILS walk like him. It’s the awkward stance that men do to make their chests look bigger. Their arms are lifted away as if braces were holding them up, imagining they have huge lat muscles. The great news is that it’s there is a cure for the disease: back exercises like chin-ups, pull-downs, and single-arm lat pull-downs to actually strengthen their backs, and the huge lats won’t be just imaginary anymore. Time to put those chest and back muscles to work!

Johnny Bravo. Ian Becker/Pinterest

 

Gruntitis

No, you’re not in Sparta, but the guy lifting the barbells beside you is making you feel like you are? Yep, a tell-tale sign of gruntitis. It’s gym-talk for, “Look at me lift this heavy thing.”It could be distracting to other members but fret not because technology has its solution to the disease: earphones. Volume up, and the grunts should worry you not.

Man lifting a heavy barbell.

 

Salesmonellosis

This type of disease could be hard to diagnose at first. Is this person being friendly, or is he trying to flirt with me? Symptoms include randomly approaching people and asking about their workout routines, supplements, and diets, only to whip out a brochure of products that he is selling. Always look out!

 

The Equipment Hoarder

Can’t find the 10 kg plate you need for your front shoulder raise? Just look around, and you’ll for sure see a person (or two) surrounded by roughly 50% of the gym’s weights and equipment. Perhaps they find comfort in being surrounded by dumbbells?

 

The I-didn’t-ask-for-your-adviculosis

Sometimes, people in the gym would just like to mind their own businesses, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There are times when a random person would approach you to let you know that your squats are incorrect or that your protein shake is not organic. This person for sure has contracted the I-didn’t-ask-for-your-adviculosis.

 

Not-wiping-the-bencheria

Cleanliness and sanitation are important now more than ever. People with not-wiping-the-bencheria, who loved to leave the proof of their hard work on the benches, should be avoided at all costs. If you can’t, the best way to combat the disease is to hand them a clean piece of cloth and alcohol.

Sweat marks on a gym machine. Photo from caliberstrong.com

If you see anyone manifesting symptoms of the above-mentioned ailments, please contact your gym instructor for immediate treatment.

About SOFREP News Team View All Posts

The SOFREP News Team is a collective of professional military journalists. Brandon Tyler Webb is the SOFREP News Team's Editor-in-Chief. Guy D. McCardle is the SOFREP News Team's Managing Editor. Brandon and Guy both manage the SOFREP News Team.

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