Dependa Habits
Once roots have been firmly established, the dependa is now free to talk shit about their prey’s job, First Shirt, commander, friends, whatever irritates them at the moment. Regular shift changes and 12-hour shifts give rise to “You’re never home” and “Why don’t you love me anymore” pleas. These give way to calls to supervisors and First Shirts, demanding to know why their Airman can’t come to bring them lunch or babysit the kids while they have a “spa day.”
Without this outside stimulation, many dependas turn to dark arts such as Scentsy and Lularoe. Built like the great pyramids of Egypt, these dark arts rely on the work of others to reach ultimate fruition. Much the same as the pyramids, no one is sure how these heights are achieved, or even what their purpose is. When dependas are not ready to dabble in these dark arts, gateways such as Twitter and Facebook are readily available. Facebook groups spawn, with dependas from around the base coming together to swing their combined clout at long wait times at the gate, and complaining about those loud noises coming from the flight line. How can they relax and watch The View with all those annoying jets taking off and landing?
Wounded Dependa
Oftentimes, the dependa can not keep their prey. Because it’s a parasitic instead of a one-shot one-kill relationship, the prey will sometimes break the chains of self-imposed entrapment and strike out for unknown territory. This may include Korea or a 365 desert rotation. From these great distances, shots in the form of divorce papers can be fired, with little expectation of blowback. At this point, both hunter and prey are wounded, and each blames the other. In reality, the prey set his or her own trap, then promptly fell in. The hunter happily joins them in this trap, until they both realize the stupidity of their actions. This usually never happens simultaneously.
Every military base in the world is full of, and surrounded by, wounded hunters and prey. After extracting themselves from the traps, many will go on to set and trip numerous other traps and snares. Others, remembering the wounds, set their sights on a different prey; the military spouse.
Enter the Military Spouse
The military spouse is in direct contrast to the dependapotamus. They take on the responsibility of the caregiver to all when the servicemember can’t be available and commiserate with the member when shift changes and real-world commitments spring up. The military spouse may be irritated, or even pissed off, at the member’s chain of command, but realizes that this is part of military life, and provides support to the best of their ability.
Support may come in the form of having dinner ready when the Airman gets home from work, washing clothes, or simply making sure the kids are fed, bathed, and taken care of. A true military spouse makes sacrifices. They don’t open a revolving Starbucks account nor hold Scentsy parties while the Airman is trying to sleep because they’ve been on three different shifts this week. Also, a military spouse bakes cakes and cookies for squadron picnics neither the military spouse nor servicemember want to attend in the first place.
The Backbone of the Military
The true military spouse may rail at perceived slights and unfair treatment. They may be a part of the available Facebook groups but will use them for good, rather than pyramid schemes. Organizing get-togethers for spouses during deployments, volunteering time for Airmen’s Attic (lending closet), and generally being a good neighbor are all hallmarks of the military spouse. Military spouses watch each others’ kids to allow for date nights, or simply to give couples, who never see each other, time to themselves. Forget NCOs, military spouses are the real backbone of the military.
Go to any base in the world and you will find the dependapotamus. They’re usually fairly easy to spot. Look for the out-of-control children, screaming and running in orbit around the person who can’t be bothered to look up from their phone (or plate of nachos). Look for the irate drivers at the gate who weren’t saluted because “My husband is an OFFICER!” When you see the base house that has a revolving door policy when the servicemember is deployed or on extended shifts, that’s the dependa house.
The military spouse is harder to identify. They are the ones at the park with their kids and five extras. Go to the commissary: they’re often the ones working there. They have goals and ambitions, they may be taking classes in their limited free time. They may hate the military, even, but they love and support their spouse, and know that this, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone, but it will pass. True military spouses are the quiet professionals. They do the work in the background, with no accolades, to ensure mission success. I am proud to be married to a military spouse.
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