IED Emplacement Postponed For Another Goddamned Safety Brief

Trekh Nawa, Afghanistan – The planned emplacement of an improvised explosive device (IED) on Main Service Road Tulley was delayed again, according to local Taliban leader Mullah Ahmidullah, because all the emplacers had to attend “another goddamned safety brief.”

“We were all set to go this morning, until I got my turban chewed by Mullah Hayatullah,” Mullah Ahmidullah complained.

According to Mullah Ahmidullah, four of his emplacers still had to undergo Operational Risk Management, Motorcycle Safety, and Gender Sensitivity Training.

“Seriously?” Mullah Ahmidullah exclaimed. “Gender Sensitivity Training?  The last woman we saw was the one we stoned to death for smiling!”

Mullah Ahmidullah runs a cell of Taliban fighters that emplaces IEDs on the local roads, targeting American convoys and Afghan police vehicles.  At least that was before the Quetta Shurah put a new emphasis on safety and risk management in the field.

In the last two weeks, Mullah Ahmidullah’s cell has only managed to emplace two IEDs, a decline which he primarily attributes to a now “endless” series of classes his fighters have to attend.  “Tuesday is ‘Music is the Devil’, Wednesday is ‘Drugs: How to Grow and Sell Them’, and Thursday is ‘Don’t Kill Yourself Until We Get the Vest Strapped On’.”

According to Mullah Mubarak in Herat Province, the new focus on safety briefs is impacting other Taliban units as well.

Read the rest at The Duffle Blog!