I ran into a ton of really bad ones. It’s shocking to find how easy it actually is to become a marriage “counselor” on a search engine. Go ahead try it out after reading this.
My best friend’s ex was a marriage counselor and as toxic as a swim in a Chernobyl retention pond. She was divorced with three kids, lost custody to them because of multiple drunk driving tickets, abused both prescription drugs and alcohol, and masked it all with an obsessive CrossFit habit. And there she was, dishing out the marriage advice Monday through Friday as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). Crazy, right?!
Thankfully my friend caught this before he compromised his own career or reputation.
There is absolutely no substitute for an MD or Ph.D.
Tip #3
Look for a counselor that is also in a successful relationship. You wouldn’t take financial advice from a homeless person in Grand Central Station and you shouldn’t take relationship advice from someone that isn’t in a successful relationship.
In Conclusion
I spent years on and off with different counselors and once I found one with an MD it was a game-changer for us both.
We ultimately decided it was best for us to split up (sometimes it is) but because this was done with a professional’s help we both had great coaching on how to have a good divorce.
Some key takeaways here on my divorce:
Make the lawyers work for you, not the other way around.
The legal system around divorces is terrible in most states and encourages couples to fight. Decide on what works for the both of you in the form of an agreement. Both of you pay one lawyer to draft up the agreement you both decide on.
Keep your parents out of it. They love both sides and will encourage a fight. Eventually, both our parents became very supportive once they saw the example we set and how we treated each other with kindness.
Have your attorney seal your divorce for privacy. Or else it’s a public record and can be searched online. I know, it’s a terrible thing to think about but get it sealed.
Don’t weaponize your kids by talking poorly of your former partner. These are your kids and you can’t change their mom or dad. Sometimes it’s just one parent that has to take the high road here but if both can do it your kids will be much better off.
We always put our children first. This was our default mode and worked very well for us.
We are now both living happy lives and are incredibly grateful for having an experienced (and married) MD in our corner when we divorced.
Hope this helps, if you have any of your own experience to share please comment below.
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