At last, some sense is finally being beaten into maverick Murica: A school district in Seattle has exercised its vastly superior knowledge to finally think through to a solution to the celebratory birthday cupcake scourge. Sadly, it is too late for us parents and grandparents who already suffered the irreversible damage of a constant barrage of cupcakes during our elementary school years. But there is hope for our children, and that hope is sparking in Seattle!
Seattle is pioneering the end to cupcake madness citing the following as the basis for their Hail Mary solution to our child mortality crisis:
Yeah, reason number one we get. How about we have one per month for all the kids with a birthday in that month? But what about the kids who have birthdays in months when school is not in session. It’s just not fair!
Number two — yeah, yeah save the children; we get that.
Number three… it’s JUST NOT FAIR! That’s the baseline of every issue remaining in the country today — it’s just not fair! “Just not fair” is the battle cry of socialism and the most anti-capitalist slogan one can muster. Stop the inequality for the love of God! Give the C-students a B; give the A-students a B, give the losers a trophy for showing up, and stop saying “God”!!
Chelsae Manning
Who really (seriously) even gives a $hite — still in jail!
Boyscouts of America bankrupt from too many legal cases of pedophiliac abuse
Calm down, Folks… nothing to get worried about here. Sure, we have just these few isolated cases of trusted teachers with a westward-leaning penchant for the homosexual raping of our underaged sons. It’s not even like it happens every single day, ya know? Our kids need to get out there and socialize — am I right? They can’t just stay indoors all day playing Gay Call of Booty video games.
Christ, if your kid complains maybe he needs Jesus. Send him to church to be an Alter boy — that’ll straighten the little bastard up — am I right?
Sucks, huh? People just don’t want to see this kind of thing or hear about it. It’s not news, not since Adam became a soccer coach, but it’s (still) here, and it’s (still) queer, and it’s not going away anytime soon.
“It’s debauchery with no left or right limits and a moving center.” George Edward Hand IV
Missouri man faces jail for ISIS plots
Welp, all 28-year-old Robert Lorenzo Hester, Jr. wanted to do was answer the clarion call to his god, the Islamic State (ISIL), by promising to spread terror in his home town in the name of Allah. It was the least he could do as a man of such morbidly strong religious conviction. But since he got caught in the act, his only remaining conviction seems to be that he thinks he’s innocent because he was a victim of bullying and racial discrimination, of child abuse and, let’s see… oh yeah, he didn’t get enough cupcakes in school.
He wasn’t a Boy Scout or an Alter boy so he couldn’t play those cards, but he did play all his victim of capitalism cards and diverted his clarion call to socialism and its automatically adjusting equality. Unfortunately for Bobbie, his clarion-ness is going to have to make do in the very (VERY) capitalistic environment for 20 years known as the pokey — the Po-Po, put Bo-Bo, in the po-po.
Luckily for Bo-bo, the po-po is one of the most socialized environments in the Milky Way. All internal transactions are heavily regulated by the Warden’s Incentives Task Force to guarantee that the same number of cigarettes is charged for sexual favors regardless of social standing. Top versus bottom bunks are assigned on the basis of a two-out-of-three coin toss by the floor CO, with “pitcher” and “catcher” position assigned according to a randomly-generated computer selection app.
You’ll be just fine, Bo-Bo — inshAllah!
Have you solved the Robert Lorenzo Hester, Jr. syndrome yet? I actually have. Bo-Bo is missing an important thing in his life, a thing that our unfortunate victim Ms. Stephanie Cox was NOT missing in hers. The answer is in this very photo below:
That’s right, Bo-Bo needs a wrist rocket. Not so much the wrist rocket per se, but the diversionary activity — he needs a hobby! He needs to carve soapbox derby cars, collect butterflies, play the flute, fly drones, collect stamps, old coins, baseball cards — BOBBY NEEDS A HOBBY!!
But you know, folks, Bobby is not the only one; there are so many “Bobbys” out there that need our guidance. If we could lead our youngsters to find a productive and appealing activity to help them pass their time since they have no jobs and live with us, they might not turn to the clarion calls of the caliphate. Man, those call-answerers are such holy men until they get caught and put in prison with unholy men — then they wish they had bought a set of Leggos.
Hey, I don’t have all the answers, but I think I have some of the best ones… or so I fancy.
Bowe Bergdahl
Meh! I mean, come on! Really who cares — COME MON!!
11-year old girl gives birth in bath
I know: “geo… we know the country has problems but can you please cut us some slack here??” We went from the winner of the “so many questions” award in the oddities category to the winner of the “somebody has got some serious explaining to do” award in the Deplorable Category. I’m not even going to dissect this garbage — yooz can read it for yourself. I couldn’t help the scenario that ran through my head:
“Hi and welcome to the podcast. I’m your host Stavros Atlamazoglou! First of all, can you just tell us a little about yourself… where you come from and what makes you, YOU?”
“Well, my mom was raped by my then 17-year-old uncle when she was 11-years old. She got pregnant and gave birth to me one evening while taking a bath — here’s a family photo of us; that’s me in the middle and mom on the left, and that’s Uncle Daddy on the right.”
By the heavens that bend above us and by the God that we all adore, deliver us from this world.
By Almighty God and with honor,
geo sends
COMMENTS