Author Frank Demith: Retirement and the L Shaped Ambush

For those waiting to see Part II of the Slow Roll to Re-establishing the Soviet Union, my apologies. I started to write part II and came across an article on another veteran suicide. I thought it would be time to talk about my experience after retiring from working life.

First, some background: I enlisted in the Army in the mid 70’s (yes, I am old). I was fortunate to be selected to attend the Prep School for the Military Academy and even more fortunate to be offered admission to the Military Academy by a Congressman whom I wouldn’t have recognized if I had run into him on the sidewalk. I graduated in 1983.

Like most folks, I had good and bad experiences along the way, but I eventually retired from active duty in 2007 and joined the civilian workforce as a consultant. Things went well, and I was working back inside the Pentagon, but one day, my government civilian boss decided to move on to another position. I came back onto active duty under the retiree recall program to run the office for two and a half years before retiring again in 2012. I again went back to the contractor workforce where I remained until 2022 when I decided it was time to fully retire.

The first couple months of retirement were great. I focused on a lengthy “to-do” list from my wife and looked out for my mother-in-law, who had moved in with us. Everything seemed great, and I even had time to walk our four dogs each day. If my wife wanted a particular meal for dinner, I did my best to fix it, but that didn’t usually work out as planned. All in all, retirement seemed like it was a great thing, but then something happened.

One day, I sat down in front of the television with my computer and spent the day surfing the internet while the TV played in the background. It was a different experience for me. I couldn’t even recall a time when I didn’t really have anything to do. I played it off by telling myself, “It’s just one day; I’ll get back to doing stuff tomorrow.”

That one day turned into a week, which turned into a month and just kept going. I gained weight, my attitude about everything was terrible, and I didn’t give a damn about anything. I was in a very dark place and had no idea how to fix it. Quite frankly, the thought of fixing it never really crossed my mind. I was in a deep, all-encompassing suck.

By chance, shortly after Christmas, I came across a post on Linked In from a classmate of mine. It was a notification of a sixty-day challenge, and without really even reading it, I signed up. Only after I had signed up did I actually look at what it was.

Sixty days of challenges for physical, mental, social, emotional, spiritual, and professional growth. No pauses, no days off, and also required a change in daily eating habits. What the heck had I done?

I wasn’t ready for this in any way, shape, or form, but I had signed up, and for me, that was like giving my word. It was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life. Every day was a challenge, and every challenge pushed me beyond where I thought I could go. I ended each day with an Epson Salt bath and an 800mg Ibuprofen tablet.

The one thing I didn’t do was quit and that was the best decision I ever made. It would have been easy to just ring the bell and go back to being a couch potato, but all through my military career, I had never quit on anything. This challenge brought out that desire in me to finish what I had started.

The other thing this challenge did was give me back a sense of purpose and focus on important things. I went beyond the daily chore list and started brushing off my Bucket List items. First on the list was to leave something behind that lasted longer than me.