Clearing the Fog of War: Breaking Down Misconceptions About Sexual Lubricants

Many of you readers likely went through a similar situation in the past. You’re getting it on with your partner, and you go on a brief intermission to take out a bottle of one of your favorite sexual lubricants. What you get in return is a look of insult on your lover’s face. 

They storm out of the room, and you’re left alone in bed, baffled by what happened. What you thought would be a night of heated passion instead turned into a 3 AM quarrel. And with how things are, you’re likely not fixing this situation sooner than you hope. 

Many people hold misconceptions about lube use. It usually connotes sexual dissatisfaction or a suggestion of incapability to get turned on naturally. But ask any sex expert, and they’d tell you this isn’t the case. 

This article aims to break all of those misapprehensions, partly thanks to the guidance of some specialists in the field. Our goal is to provide another point of view, hopefully giving you a better understanding of the matter. 

The Common Misconceptions About Sexual Lubricants

You may think you know enough about sexual lubricants and their purposes. But as you keep reading, you will probably open a few mental doors, some of which could even be potentially life-changing.

Misconception #1: Using Sexual Lubricants Mean There’s Something Wrong

That insulted look on your partner’s face likely came from the impression that you thought something was amiss. For men, they think they’re not putting enough effort into turning you on. Conversely, women may feel like their partners aren’t satisfied enough with how lubricated they are. 

Here’s the reality: the human reproductive system works in mysterious ways. Men can have random erections for no reason at all. It can happen anytime, even without sexual stimulation. 

Women go through the same thing. Here’s an explanation from Toronto-based sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly. 

“The reality is that women don’t always get soaking wet when they’re turned on. Various factors can affect vaginal lubrication, including diet, hydration, medication, the menstrual cycle, menopause, overall health, and stress. 

“Sometimes a woman randomly gets wet while they’re doing the dishes, and sometimes they don’t get wet when they’re highly aroused.”

Gentlemen, don’t be offended if your lovely woman busts out the lube bottle from the underwear drawer. She may be going through something, yet she’s still making an effort to satisfy you both.

 And for the ladies, don’t be saddened if your guy suggests more lubrication. Not only will it increase your satisfaction, but it can also prevent STIs caused by microtears from friction-filled intercourse. He is just looking out for you.  

Misconception #2: Sexual Lubricants Are For ‘Older’ People

Menopausal women go through vaginal dryness. There is no escaping it. But because of this reality, people usually equate the use of sexual lubricants with older people, sometimes even with women who aren’t at that age but are nonetheless no longer in their prime. 

But published author and sexual health expert Martha Kempner says everyone can benefit from sexual lubricants, and it’s not a matter of age. 

“A lot of people still look at lube as a sort of medicine designed to solve the problem of a dry vagina. Unfortunately, when we think of something as a solution, we imply that there’s something wrong with the people who use it,” she writes. 

“The truth is that all kinds of people use lube for all kinds of reasons—and there’s nothing wrong with them.” 

The 2012 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior revealed that 65% of 1,500 female respondents admitted using a lubricant. 20% of them reported using lube within the past 30 days of the survey. 58% ‘commonly used’ lube for intercourse, while 49% used it for partner play.

For these women, making sex ‘more comfortable, fun, and pleasurable’ was the main goal for lube use. For some, it’s also a way to ‘decrease discomfort/pain.’

In her piece, Kempner also mentioned the possibility of medication interference for the lack of vaginal moisture. And with that, she says: 

“Even when everything is in tip-top shape, you might still find sex more enjoyable with lube. Lots of people do.”

Misconception #3: Sexual Lubricants Are Solely For Intercourse

When you say sexual lubricants, intercourse immediately comes to mind, and understandably so. Per conventional wisdom, easier penile penetration is the goal for the added lubrication.

But adhering to traditional thinking limits your sexual capabilities, Kempner says. If you use your imagination, you can open yourself up to limitless possibilities. It’s just up to you if you want to explore them, but at the very least, you’ll have these options on the table. 

“Penetration produces more friction than some other sex acts, so it makes sense that we would use lube when having penis-vagina sex. But it’s not the only sexual activity that can be more fun with extra wetness. 

“Inserting anything into the vagina—fingers, a sex toy—will be smoother with lube.”

Lubes also work well with partner play, as we mentioned, in case this is something you haven’t explored yet. Likewise, it makes your sex life much spicier, probably, than it already is. 

“Rubbing and touching your partner’s vulva or penis can feel extra hot if your hands are a little slippery. Bumping and grinding without penetration can get to a whole new level when there’s lube involved. 

“And, of course, any kind of anal play needs lots of lubrication because the butt produces none of its own.

Don’t underestimate the capabilities of a sexual lubricant. It’s all about using the imagination and thinking outside the box. 

Misconception #4: All Types of Sexual Lubricants Will Work, Guaranteed

Likewise, many readers are of the mindset that ‘lube is lube.’ Thankfully, this article also serves as your crash course. 

You’ll find three types of sexual lubricants in your local pharmacy: first, you have water-based options, which you’ll find at your OB-GYN clinic. They’re safe to use with a condom or your preferred toy and are likewise skin-friendly. Longevity is the one downside, though, as it’s not known to last long. But that’s nothing a little self-lubrication or added lube can’t fix. 

Like water-based lubes, the silicon-based variant works well with rubber and toys and won’t irritate the skin. They can also last longer than water-based lubes and aren’t annoyingly sticky. However, its texture may not bode well with specific gadgets and may cause eventual breakage. It’s also more difficult to rinse off. 

Oil-based lubricants differ from those above because they can cause tearing on a condom. They also won’t work well when water is in the mix because of the chemical reaction, which doesn’t make them an ideal companion for when you want to have some shower action. 

There are other variants, like flavored lubes or ones that claim to prolong an erection, but there’s a reason why experts won’t recommend them outright. Some experts even tell you to avoid anything flavored because they can cause a yeast infection. 

You’d want to play it safe regarding lubes, so weigh the pros and cons between you and your partner. 

Don’t Hesitate to Experiment with Sexual Lubricants

Hopefully, this article dispelled any notions you may have about sexual lubricants. If you choose the right one, they will help make the experience less abrasive for you and your partner. And remember, relying on some extra help doesn’t mean you have a problem. 

So the next time you’re in the sexual health section of your pharmacy, you now know what to get. But again, allow yourself to explore the different possibilities.