US Politics

What MAGA Hat and Philosopher Jack Handey Can Teach America

BY Brandon Webb / June 29, 2021

What has a MAGA hat taught us about America?

On a planet, in a galaxy far far away lives a MAGA hat… shoot, wrong movie.

Fingernails on black paint of a hot car hood in Los Angeles… Here we go.

Who woulda thunk it? The first appearance of a hat is from an Egyptian tomb dating back to 3,200 BC? Hats were originally designed to keep us cool and I guess they still serve the same purpose. But cool is relative these days.

There is the “cool” of wearing a hat in the hot sun during a whale-watching tour. And then, there’s the “cool” of your dad wearing a MAGA hat to a Justin Bieber concert.

Note: If you have a hat fetish and want to enter a hat time machine, please visit this link.

The Problem

In ‘Merica today, liberty and justice for all has been replaced with liberty and justice for “my side.” This is a problem.

Our political system is a Silicone Valley duopoly. We are divided in half and there are only two teams to pick.

Me being ex-military gets me auto lumped into one bucket. My first apartment in New York? The owners didn’t want to rent it to me because I was a former Navy SEAL and afraid I would torture everyone in the building.

WTF over?

So yeah, we’re divided.

MAGA or feel the Bern.

Two ways to continue to read this article.

Ocasio or Dan Crenshaw.

.50 cal or Broadway tickets to Hamilton.

Tesla or Ford Raptor.

You get the picture.

And ever has an inanimate object been more criticized as, wait for it…

“Enter the MAGA”

You can argue for or against Trump but one thing we can all agree on is that he did make America better in a lot of ways. Before you’re triggered like a Catholic priest at a Boy Scout jamboree, hear me out, Vern!

TV got better. Memes got better. Policing got better. Women got more equality. Fashion got better. A lot of creeps went to jail.

Ying and yang I say.

And at the center of all the made-for-TV Kardashian drama is the poor little MAGA hat ticking time bomb.

A hat!

A real crowd-pleaser, especially in lower Manhattan.

Kanya and Larry rocking out with their hats out.

Ever seen a hat duel!? This is great.

This is priceless bonus material “Fertility Headress”… Careful what kind of hat you wear!

So what can have we learned from this little red nuclear-powered Cabeza cover?

What can we think about going forward?

What has a hat taught us about America?

What have we learned together in hat class today?

Can Jack Handy help us? I think so.

Deep Thoughts (“Can’t we all be…”)

We need to talk about improving a corrupted (in more ways than one) political two-party system.

Americans should respect each others’ choices, it’s what makes this an amazing country. You can choose! I can choose! We can choose! Isn’t freedom nice?

Just because someone chooses differently than you doesn’t make them wrong.

It takes all sorts of characters to make this ball of dirt spin around the sun.

We could learn a lot from Jack Handey.

Respect local customs (as shown in the second video above).

The planet would be extremely boring without Kanya, Elon, Trump, Putin, Dirka Dirka Kim Jong, South Park, Mormons, Cults, and hats. Hats are cool.

Don’t go to wage war in Afghanistan with your political fingers crossed.

We need each other.

Let’s do our best to remember this the next time you see someone from the other team. Talk, listen, debate, respect and learn.

That’s what the MAGA hat has taught me.

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