You know it’s a bad poker night when you’re bluffing with an IOU scribbled on a cocktail napkin and the other guy’s holding aces.
That’s precisely where Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky finds himself—trapped in a geopolitical dumpster fire, relying on U.S. goodwill that’s as stable as a meth-fueled Diddy orgy.
My first visit was in 2016 during the winter with my American girlfriend, who had immigrated from Ukraine as a teen. This was long before it became Vogue to visit as an American. Then, a few years later, I made friends with the founder of the Fedoriv agency, Andriy, during the Cannes Lions conference in France. I started doing business in Kyiv with Fedoriv in 2018 because their agency delivered world-class advertising videos for my old business, The Crate Club at a fraction of the price I would have had to pay in New York.
I was sitting on the rooftop of the Bursa hotel in Kyiv, the summer before Putin invaded, when I brought up a potential conflict with Andriy, who at the time thought I was crazy. Until he called in January to ask if he should get his family out. I said, yes, and thankfully, he did.
I love Ukraine, so this is hard for me to write, but the hard truth is that without Donald Trump’s blessing, Zelensky’s war effort, Ukraine’s effort, is nothing but a futile scream into the void.
Let’s be crystal clear—Zelensky didn’t cook up this disaster. Back in 2014, when Ukrainians booted their Putin-loving puppet Viktor Yanukovych out of office during the brutal Maidan Revolution, it was Uncle Sam—via the CIA and covert diplomatic tango—cheering loudest from behind the curtains. The Stars and Stripes had their fingerprints all over the uprising, whispering promises of freedom and democracy into Ukraine’s eager ears while quietly flipping off the Kremlin.
When it comes to Ukraine, American mainstream media outlets are serving up a half-cooked narrative seasoned generously with ignorance and garnished with a sprinkle of virtue-signaling. According to recent pearl-clutching headlines, Trump’s suggestion that negotiations with Putin might actually be a rational step forward equates to rewarding “Russian aggression.” They scream, they panic, and they play geopolitical Twister while entirely missing the game.
Here’s the deal: Ukraine and Russia have a twisted, complicated relationship that American journalists tend to ignore in their rush for easy villains and clear-cut heroes. Long before vodka shots became trendy in Brooklyn bars and Instagrammers started hashtagging Kyiv, Ukraine was Russian—period. We’re talking about centuries of intertwined history, messy cultural overlap, and political entanglements tighter than your Uncle Larry’s waistband after Thanksgiving dinner.
You know it’s a bad poker night when you’re bluffing with an IOU scribbled on a cocktail napkin and the other guy’s holding aces.
That’s precisely where Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky finds himself—trapped in a geopolitical dumpster fire, relying on U.S. goodwill that’s as stable as a meth-fueled Diddy orgy.
My first visit was in 2016 during the winter with my American girlfriend, who had immigrated from Ukraine as a teen. This was long before it became Vogue to visit as an American. Then, a few years later, I made friends with the founder of the Fedoriv agency, Andriy, during the Cannes Lions conference in France. I started doing business in Kyiv with Fedoriv in 2018 because their agency delivered world-class advertising videos for my old business, The Crate Club at a fraction of the price I would have had to pay in New York.
I was sitting on the rooftop of the Bursa hotel in Kyiv, the summer before Putin invaded, when I brought up a potential conflict with Andriy, who at the time thought I was crazy. Until he called in January to ask if he should get his family out. I said, yes, and thankfully, he did.
I love Ukraine, so this is hard for me to write, but the hard truth is that without Donald Trump’s blessing, Zelensky’s war effort, Ukraine’s effort, is nothing but a futile scream into the void.
Let’s be crystal clear—Zelensky didn’t cook up this disaster. Back in 2014, when Ukrainians booted their Putin-loving puppet Viktor Yanukovych out of office during the brutal Maidan Revolution, it was Uncle Sam—via the CIA and covert diplomatic tango—cheering loudest from behind the curtains. The Stars and Stripes had their fingerprints all over the uprising, whispering promises of freedom and democracy into Ukraine’s eager ears while quietly flipping off the Kremlin.
When it comes to Ukraine, American mainstream media outlets are serving up a half-cooked narrative seasoned generously with ignorance and garnished with a sprinkle of virtue-signaling. According to recent pearl-clutching headlines, Trump’s suggestion that negotiations with Putin might actually be a rational step forward equates to rewarding “Russian aggression.” They scream, they panic, and they play geopolitical Twister while entirely missing the game.
Here’s the deal: Ukraine and Russia have a twisted, complicated relationship that American journalists tend to ignore in their rush for easy villains and clear-cut heroes. Long before vodka shots became trendy in Brooklyn bars and Instagrammers started hashtagging Kyiv, Ukraine was Russian—period. We’re talking about centuries of intertwined history, messy cultural overlap, and political entanglements tighter than your Uncle Larry’s waistband after Thanksgiving dinner.
Does this history justify Putin’s wild west-style antics? Hell no. But NATO encroachment eastward has been poking the Russian bear for decades, and if you keep poking a bear, you shouldn’t act surprised when it takes a swipe at you. The mainstream media’s simplistic “good vs. evil” narrative doesn’t just mislead—it dangerously oversimplifies an explosive conflict that’s about as straightforward as quantum physics explained by your stoner college roommate.
Politics or what’s best?
Speaking to BBC Radio 4’s Today programme from his office in central Kyiv, Mayor Vitali Klitschko recently highlighted the stark reality, noting he’s “responsible for the capital of Ukraine,” calling Kyiv “the heart” of the war-torn nation.
When speaking about Crimea and giving up the territory, Klitschko bluntly admitted President Zelensky might have to consider a “painful solution” to achieve peace. When asked if Zelensky consulted him about any potential settlement details, Klitschko bluntly replied, “No.”
This straightforward talk from Klitschko hints at deeper political ambitions, making him a likely contender in Ukraine’s next presidential election. It underscores just how complicated Ukrainian politics have become, with Zelensky cornered into choosing between preserving his political future or making harsh decisions for the greater good of his country.
Adding more U.S. weapons to Ukraine is likely to prolong the current stalemate.
So when Donald Trump suggests easing tensions through dialogue, rather than pumping more guns and ammo into a volatile region, it’s not “appeasement”; it’s realpolitik, folks. Sometimes you negotiate not because you’re weak, but because you’re smart enough to understand that the world isn’t just black and white—it’s fifty shades of geopolitical madness.
Bottom line: If you’re relying on American nightly news to get the full picture of Ukraine and Russia, you might as well get your nutrition from Twinkies. It’s satisfying in the moment but leaves you bloated, uninformed, and craving the truth.
Wake up, America. Reality doesn’t fit into neat sound bites, and war sure as hell isn’t a Marvel movie.
The Grim Reality: Ukraine’s Strategic Losses and a Dimming Horizon
Fast forward to today, the entire eastern chunk of Ukraine—Donetsk and Luhansk—has become Putin’s lawless playground, with Russian proxies entrenched deeper than ticks on a Tennessee hound. Crimea was outright stolen—Putin pocketed it in broad daylight like a thief at a Vegas buffet. Meanwhile, Europe stood by, shaking fists but doing less than Neville Chamberlain on tranquilizers, echoing eerily of their pre-World War II Munich disaster. Hitler annexed the Sudetenland, Europe nodded along—and we all know how well appeasement turned out the first time.
But here’s the ugly truth nobody wants to swallow: Crimea’s not going back to Ukraine. It’s Putin’s precious naval trophy now, a strategic pivot that he’s gripping tighter than a nymphomaniac grips a whiskey bottle at closing time. Zelensky’s idealism and righteous bravado aside, this fight was rigged from the start. And guess who’s about to yank the rug from under Ukraine entirely? Yep, Donald J. Trump, and if he does, Ukraine’s aid spigot will dry up faster than a Mormon bachelor party.
The clock is ticking loudly for Zelensky. Ukrainians are exhausted, watching sons and daughters bleed out on battlefields with diminishing returns.
Zelensky, the comedian-turned-warrior, faces a grim punchline: compromise or perish politically. Eastern Ukraine is a gangrenous limb that Zelensky must amputate before the infection spreads—losing a limb sucks, but losing the patient is fatal.
Trump’s isolationist promises aren’t empty threats; they’re practically biblical. Zelensky has one path left: accept reality, make painful concessions, and hope like hell Trump’s appetite for chaos doesn’t permanently doom Ukraine to geopolitical irrelevance.
Tick-tock, Mr. President. It’s your move—but you’re holding nothing but busted cards.
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