News Roundup Special: 2017 Year in Review

It’s New Year’s Eve, and you know what that means: Time for the 2017 News Roundup Year in Review! I covered a lot of the bigger stories on the podcast year in review, so check that out here if you haven’t already. Here are some of the stories we hit in 2017. Basically, each paragraph represents a sampling of  stories from that week’s roundup. Thank you everyone for reading and all of your support; I appreciate each and every one of you! Here’s to 2017; onward an upward to another great year! – @BKactual

JANUARY: 

The first three enlisted female Marines reported to a ground combat unit, and I wrote a long piece with extensive detail saying why it was a bad idea. The Army released new grooming regs that authorized religious beards and dreadlocks for female soldiers. A U.S. Army Honor Guard member passed out cold listening to Obama drone on about something boring. Jerkstore inventory item Ray Mabus stepped down as Secretary of the Navy. New Zealand allowed the first guy with a face tattoo into the military. And then there was the typo of the year by Yahoo Finance: 

Moving on, we saw thousands of American troops deploy to Poland amidst rising tensions with LITERALLY HITLER (Russia). I wrote a long piece about how I found it remarkable that the same people who have caused untold misery with their urging of never-ending wars in the Middle East were now telling us how dangerous Trump was to global stability. The VA agreed to pay out billions to Marines exposed to toxic water at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. The women who were mad about losing an election made stupid pink hats and marched. James Mattis, who I accurately predicted would be a big ‘ol wussy when it came to transgenders in the military, was confirmed by Congress. A bunch of Airmen and Seamen got military awards upgraded. And then there was this guy:

https://twitter.com/abbyhamblin/status/820366337696378880

My old PJ instructor and war hero Chief Master Sergeant Davide Keaton retired. I blasted Trump for going off script in front of the CIA memorial wall. A Marine was shot and killed in Baltimore. A U.S. Army recruiter was arrested for child porn, and a guy died when he hanged himself in the nude wearing a gas mask and handcuffs.

Then we had the MUSLIM BAN!!!! (Which was not a Muslim ban… unlike other hysterical “journalists,” I actually went through it in detail.) And I enjoyed this:

Hameed Darweesh The Man Just Released From JFK Says He Likes Trump. Look At @NydiaVelazquez 's Face pic.twitter.com/C3AWQqKxQt

— Klay Volk 🇺🇸 (@KlayVolk) January 28, 2017

A bunch of chicks got scammed by a dude pretending he was in the army. And a naked guy decided to pound on the windows of an elementary school and scream at the kids. Thanks, buddy.

FEBRUARY:

My man former PJ and wounded warrior August O’Neill was picked to lead the teams out on to the field for the Super Bowl. The military was caught lying about how many airstrikes they did in Iraq, Syria, and Afghanistan. An Army vet was killed in a road rage incident. Oh, and this happened and it freaked me the fuck out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wACLoFMaR30

Sadly, legendary Vietnam battlefield commander, Lt. General Hal Moore passed away at the ripe old age of 94.  Three Green Berets were awarded silver stars for valor in Afghanistan. A disabled U.S. Navy vet was attacked and beaten as he tried to stop two pieces of shit from torturing a turtle. Some guy tried to ban Nickelback, Korn, and Slipknot from the CP:

Allegedly @Korn, @slipknot, @Nickelback banned from Army command post. What say you, @CoreyTaylorRock? https://t.co/9Nbaza8Exy pic.twitter.com/uZQDAF5eRd

— MetalInsider.net (@metalinsider) February 17, 2017

Some Air force techie accidentally sent a “MISSLE INBOUND SEEK SHELTER” to everyone at an Air Base in Germany. And cops arrested a naked woman who ran into traffic with a baby.

A wounded warrior USAF Tactical Air Control Party specialist (TACP) looked to return to parachuting. My former PJ pipeline buddy Pat Dunne had a story about him bringing home some puppies rescued in Afghanistan. Afghanistan entered its 16th goddamn year, for some STUPID REASON that not one goddamned motherfucker at the Pentagon can point to. A Navy SEAL who was killed in Yemen had his dad wanting more detail about his death. Bill Paxton died. A 74-year-old vet went on trial for draping two tiny american flags over a fence at the VA. A jogger shot a guy who was trying to rob him right in the dick. And a New Jersey girl took massive amounts of hormones because she’s a boy or something, and SHOCKINGLY won the state girls’ wrestling title. And a wacky chick ran naked onto a high school track.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRmNKxrU-is

MARCH:

I found myself in the middle of an anti-Trump demonstration in my neighborhood, and described the legions of pinch-faced, pale, thin women with no men who surrounded me. Then I wondered: Should we care if the FBI is basically entrapping wannabe jihadists? A Navy sailor was caught on camera trying to hire a guy to kill his wife. A five-time deported illegal alien drove drunk and killed a mother of five, and nobody in the media other than me gave a flying fuck. Senators wondered how a former Iraqi insurgent fighter was able to lie about his identity and get through our RIGOROUS VETTING PROCESS. And two brothers were arrested when they were found completely nude next to a dumpster making out with each other.

The growing “Marines United” scandal began to spread to gay porn sites. A former Green Beret was honored for heroism as a contractor when he helped save lives in a helicopter crash. FDNY EMT Yadira Arroyo was run over and killed in action when a lunatic stole her ambulance. A 30-year USAF colonel was booted from the Air Force after they found 7000 child porn images on his computer. The state-controlled media of England wondered what the proper punishment for blasphemy should be, and were forced to apologize. The fact that they even though about it shows you where their sick, decayed minds are, though.

What is the right punishment for blasphemy?

Tweet @ShaziaAwan with what you think using the hashtag #AsianNetwork pic.twitter.com/HVAKQrdhBr

— BBC Asian Network (@bbcasiannetwork) March 17, 2017

A Navy SEAL was charged with kidnapping and raping a fellow sailor in Kentucky. Also a drunk, naked guy was rescued after he fell into a vent shaft that he thought was a wishing well.

A former Marine became the nation’s first double-amputee police officer, rendering all of your excuses invalid as fuck. A guy was arrested by the cops in DC for telling them he had a bomb in the trunk and it was also an asteroid or something. A retired Army vet was awarded a bronze star for gallantry in Vietnam combat 50 years earlier. Another army vet (green card holder) was deported after handing a case full of cocaine to a federal agent. A USAF captain was arrested when the 14-year-old girl who said she wanted to bang him on the internet turned out to be a federal agent SHOCKING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. The MAGA marches were LIT out here in Cali:

https://twitter.com/hectorarzula/status/845724420362530816

APRIL:

The U.S. Naval Academy made fools of themselves when former Senator and war hero James Webb had to decline an award because some broads were mad about how he said they shouldn’t be in combat. I ripped them a gaping new asshole. A kid shot and killed three burglars with his dad’s AR-15. Combat Controller Brian Claughsey was awarded the Silver Star for valor in Afghanistan. A former Army medic was arrested after he was caught on camera breaking into and then chucking a bible inside of a Colorado mosque. And I showed you the hottest mechanic on the planet, former USAF airman Hope Howard.

Sufferers of Down’s Syndrome in Congress introduced a bill that would prohibit immigration officers from wearing any clothing that bore the word, “Police,” which of course went nowhere. 31 people were killed in two Coptic churches in Egypt on Palm Sunday. Kendall Jenner was humbled (at least for a minute) when her Pepsi ad was ridiculed on the internet. A male soldier at West Point took his boyfriend to prom. A chimp nailed a grandma when he flung his feces at her face.

https://twitter.com/ghetto/status/919026222151229441

Antifa and the MAGA boys got together in Berkeley and had an epic slugfest. That was one of the times when I said someone was going to get killed at one of these things, which turned out to be a good prediction. A retired 2-star was charged with six counts of raping a minor. A West Point cadet was arrested for dealing prescription drugs on campus. THE GODDAMNED MOAB DID WORK.

For the first time ever, two Airmen were awarded Air Force Crosses in the same ceremony. That would be my guys: MSgt Keary Miller (PJ) and SSgt. Chis Baradat (CCT), helluva job, men. A Navy SEAL was arrested and found with footage of child and bestiality porn. The Taliban absolutely annihilated an Afghan army base, killing almost 200 soldiers.

The veteran suicide epidemic continued on. Former actor turned Green Beret Michael Mantenuto sadly took his own life, and I reminded myself and all of you: Please look out for each other. Tons of DIs at MCRD were investigated for hazing. The PJs did a night ocean jump 1200 miles out to rescue some guys. Israel refused to hand over that idiot Israeli-American teenager suspected of making hundreds of bomb threats to American Jewish institutions over several months. Famed U.S. Marine cinematographer Norman Hatch passed on. A 17-year-old USMC recruit, Floyd Burell Jr., collapsed and died during a pre-basic PT session. Two guys shot and killed each other over weed, and a naked guy climbed a tower in New Orleans for some reason.

MAY:

Former defense secretary/Moron Dipshit Ash Carter called for Marines who could use a computer to be allowed to skip boot camp and also ranks E-1 through E-6. Champion swimmer Adolph Kiefer, whose swimming lessons helped save thousands of people lost in the ocean after shipwrecks/battle passed away at 98 years old. Ze Germans worried about Nazi sympathizers in their ranks after finding allllll kinds of Wehrmacht memorabilia at their bases. A picture showed the last instant of Army Specialist Hilda Clayton’s life:

.50 cal wielding robots were tested on the battlefield, and one day they will kill us all. Some chick decided to walk naked through Hartsfield-Jackson airport.

I celebrated mother’s day by reminding you that Sydney Leathers existed. (Google her and then use eye bleach.) The USAF’s last qualified tail gunner retired. The USMC introduced their first ad depicting the Womenz. A deputy founds a shitload of meth inside a mother’s day present. Two doctors were murdered in their own home because a Suffolk County DA protected an illegal alien from being deported. A guy stopped in the middle of the Lincoln tunnel, took off all his clothes, and started jacking it because why not.

A USAF Colonel was busted in a child sex sting, and some piece of shit stole an Army Ranger’s service dog. American traitor/insufferable SJW Chelsea Manning released this tweet, and there was much vomiting:

Okay, so here I am everyone!! =Phttps://t.co/NuyZlcWfd9#HelloWorld pic.twitter.com/gKsMFTYukO

— Chelsea E. Manning (@xychelsea) May 18, 2017

Gold Star families began getting base access privileges, which is awesome. A 57-year-old guy was caught walloping the salami in the woods after unsuccessfully propositioning a woman in a nearby home. An illegal alien was busted spray painting “fuck Trump” on a bunch of buildings.

I remembered my old supervisor, Pararescue Chief Master Sergeant and CIA operator Nick McCaskill, KIA Afghanistan. A 23 year Army Vet was stabbed to death on that train in Portland when he tried to step in to protect a chick from being hassled over her hijab. One of NYC mayor Bill De Blasio’s staff was arrested for child porn (he had 6-month-old baby… shit; EXECUTE HIM NOW.) Gregg Allman died. Eight people were shot and killed in rural Mississippi. A guy in Aspen decided to do a bunch of coke and run around nude.

JUNE:

Those three shitbag terrorists in England with the knives went nuts and killed 7 people; I talked for like the 50th time about how they never should have had these massive waves of immigration from countries that do not share their values. It turned out at least one of them had been reported to cops multiple times and was still never deported, as we’ve seen in pretty much all of these. The military looked to develop a titanium .50 cal. A naked man climbed onto a construction digger and started whaling away on his manhood.

As a reaction to all of the stupid idiots on social media who insist that “walls don’t work,” I did a nice long analysis of whether in fact, walls DO work. (And noted that Obama built one on his new house before he even set his bags down.) An Army Colonel was busted accepting bribes for contracts, and the military tested a new expanding foam device to stop intra-abdominal bleeding. A cool story about the guys who are allowed to live in historic homes in exchange for fixing them up. And a guy on PCP lead the cops on a police chase before crashing, taking off all his clothes, and dancing on top of a car in a 7/11 parking lot.

Yet another Afghan soldier opened fire on his U.S. comrades, leaving seven wounded. The USS Fitzgerald collided with a container ship, killing seven. The LAPD arrested and charged three of its cadets for stealing and crashing three cop cars. Young, enlisted Marines were duped into sending money to two dudes who pretended they were hot chicks on the internet. An Army NCO shot a guy in a road rage dispute. Protestors disrupted that “Shakespeare in the Park” thing where the “Trump” Caesar gets stabbed.  And it was revealed that a huge amount of court martials in the USMC had to do with sexual abuse of children.

The new VA secretary pondered doing a complete do-over of the disability compensation system. We did the 50th podcast!:

The Army demoted an infantry commander for an inappropriate relationship with a junior officer. Mattel introduced “Man Bun Ken,” because our culture is a flaming sack of shit. The Air Force introduced awards for drone shit. Some idiot tried to smuggle 715 pounds of pot onto Tinker Air Force Base. Vice News was able to talk some VC idiot into giving them half a BILLION dollars in capital for their site. Jon Ossoff got crushed in the Georgia special election.

https://twitter.com/BKactual/status/878430746972528640

JULY:

USAF Warthog pilot awarded Silver Star. The British army continued to shrink, alarming watchdogs. 17 Rangers were inducted into the Ranger Hall of Fame. Some whacky chick impersonated a man over two freaking years to trick her female friend into sex. Yes, a prosthetic penis was involved. And a naked man with a bug sprayer was tased after slapping a cop in the face at a Houston train station.

The meme wars continued to intensify. I wrote an essay trying to make sense of what this new propaganda meant.

This is the best damn meme I've ever seen.#CNNMemeWar pic.twitter.com/PQmdP9R8Zs

— The Columbia Bugle 🇺🇸 (@ColumbiaBugle) July 8, 2017

The VA announced that they had fired 500 officials since Trump took office. People with weird gender identities wondered why they couldn’t get laid. A guy decide to walk around WalMart naked while carrying meth.

I covered that kooky USAF guy who enjoyed taking nude selfies and planting pipe bombs at Air Force recruiting centers. Five park rangers in Kenya were killed trying to rescue an American journalist. Some crusading SJW DA wanted to give a decorated war hero 10 years in prison for calling for getting mad at an Iraqi restauranteur. And one of my most-loved videos of 2017 was released:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWd6XgBVIcg

The Army found an NCO who actively supported ISIS, which is generally frowned upon. A USMC KC-130 went down, killing seven MARSOC operators and nine reservist crew members. And some naked guy was arrested offering kids candy.

USAF Special tactics personnel began integrating with USMC MARSOC training. That one crazy Florida guy live-streamed himself leading the cops on a high-speed chase down the beach while drinking. Various veterans groups tried to get the VA to accept medicinal marijuana, which they still haven’t done because DUMB. Exchange shopping went online for the first time. Forbes did a cool profile of the “Grunt Style” CEO. A man and woman, both nude, lead the cops on a chase, crashed and ran.

For like the tenth time, I patiently explained why admitting transgender people into the military was completely ludicrous, and how the argument FOR it collapses under the slightest scrutiny. A USMC recruit was tragically killed when he was thrown from that ride at the Ohio state fair. A Marine recruiter was busted having sex with a high school student. A 20 time illegal alien deportee was arrested again for raping a 65-year-old woman. And a bloody, naked man who cut his own penis off was filmed in Chicago.

AUGUST:

Remembering Extortion 17 on the fifth anniversary. There was that crazy Vegas body cam police shootout. Two Navy Sailors were charged with arson when they set their own car on fire. An Iranian soldier went nuts and opened fire on his fellow soldiers, killing four and wounding eight others. That Google guy was fired for daring to have a differing opinion about diversity in the work place. And patrons of a McDonald’s got to watch a completely nude guy inject drugs into his testicles, and a naked streaker ran onto the track right before Usain Bolt. I saw Metallica at Petco Park, downtown San Diego, which was sick.

Fulfilling my prophecy, the Charlottesville shit went down and Heather Heyer got killed; I scrutinized the failed security tactics. I was absolutely the first one to call out the incompetence of the police. Several would later be forced to resign. The left seized on this, of course, to call all of you Nazis. Brit soldiers took hazing way too far; forcing recruits to eat dog shit. Psycho army civilian employee threw gasoline on an Army nurse and then lit her with a match. A retired Army Colonel won a defamation case against a blogger who claimed he had raped her. A guy went on a nude rampage in a chicken wing joint.

They found the USS Indianapolis  wreckage. We had some good fights at that big march in Boston when thousands of unstable leftists threatened to kill the ten Trump protestors who showed up. An Army Blackhawk went down off the coast of Hawaii. The Lawrence PD owned a guy on twitter:

I'm sorry Blake, this is awkward, but that's not a police car. You vaped in front of a water service vehicle.
¯_(ツ)_/¯ https://t.co/ecn6aVHstX

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 19, 2017

Hurricane Harvey slammed into the Texas gulf coast and wreaked havoc on Houston. Floyd Mayweather beat Conor McGregor in a boxing match after a coast to coast shit-talking tour that included this gem:

" What are you doing with a schoolbag on stage!? You can't even read " 😂😂😂😂
Sorry Floyd, Team Conor ✊🏼 pic.twitter.com/1870C7HlqF

— 𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒅 (@iHardned) July 14, 2017

A Bronx street was named after Marine Ramona Valdez, KIA. A dump truck crashed into an overhead freeway sign. A Fort Carson soldier was killed in a live-fire exercise. A bunch of Drill Sergeants were investigated at Fort Benning for sexual harassment.

SEPTEMBER:

An idiot Army general was busted for sending texts of a personal nature to an enlisted soldier’s wife. I was very proud and honored to have my man, former MACV-SOG operator John Stryker Meyer on the podcast:

https://twitter.com/BKactual/status/903817494946693120

Fort Campbell soldiers were busted trying to steal equipment and sell it to buyers in China and Russia. I had some great footage of USAF PJs doing work in Hurricane Harvey. L’Oreal decide to hire a transgender model, and then shitcanned him when they found he really, really, really hated white people. That cop got in trouble for trying to arrest the nurse who refused to draw blood from a DUI suspect. There was yet another naked, drunk guy running around in WalMart.

Nature didn’t stop for shit. Hurricane Irma crushed the Florida coast, although it could have been way worse. Tons of good Twitter video there for you guys. The diversity cultists were butt hurt that the new CIA director didn’t think their sacred beliefs were that important, choosing to, GET THIS, concentrate on gathering intelligence. The Air Force got rid of aerial refueling capability for Air Force One, for some reason.

An IED left on a train in London thankfully malfunctioned, but still hurt 30 people. 15 Marines were hurt when an APC was engulfed in flames after hitting a gas line at Camp Pendleton. One Green Beret in training was killed and seven others hurt when a demo instruction class went horribly wrong. Mentally unstable leftists went apeshit on Twitter when Trump let a ten-year-old kid mow the White House lawn:

Not sending a great signal on child labor, minimum wage & occupational safety >> Trump White House lets a 10-year-old volunteer mow its lawn https://t.co/uj7N9Mr8Yi

— Steven Greenhouse (@greenhousenyt) September 15, 2017

Two active-duty army soldiers were arrested for first-degree murder. Samantha the sex robot made her debut on a British talk show, and it was glorious. In France, some whackjob sprayed four American tourists in the face with acid. Former Marine/Current firefighter awarded Navy Cross.

I wrote a short piece about the slow decline of the NFL. A Marine was returned home to Texas from Tarawa 74 years after his death. An unoccupied Army humvee slipped out of gear and almost killed a woman. The first ever female graduated from the USMC Infantry Officer Course. The Army scrapped plans for a new 7.62 rifle. A nude, hairlesss man on a bicycle attacked a female jogger.

OCTOBER:

A USAF Colonel was busted for sending unwanted masturbation videos to a subordinate, which is actually not the preferred technique for promotion. Catalonia fought Spain for independence. A teacher in the Los Angeles school district system contaminated a bunch of flutes with semen. (I had a lot of fun with that one on the podcast.) Two women were stabbed to death by a crazed Muslim at a bus stop in France. Trump christened Kim Jong-Un “Little Rocket Man.” A black guy shot a bunch of white people in a church in South Carolina. A woman’s home security cameras captured a naked guy in her yard jacking it.

Stephen Paddock killed 58 people in America’s deadliest mass shooting. Four American soldiers were killed in Niger. A San Diego husband and wife were arrested for preying on military families with loansharking schemes. The son of a Pennsylvania mayor was arrested for punching and stomping his own mom while high. The Harvey Weinstein scandal broke, beginning a wave of accusations of men behaving badly. A California State legislator decriminalized knowingly giving someone HIV for some reason.

Four Airmen were arrested for spray painting satanic symbols on a church in South Carolina. The army began lowering standards for recruits to hit quotas, which I’m sure has no downside whatsoever. Austria elected its youngest leader ever, 31-year-old Sebastian Kurz. AND NO POMEGRANATES!:

The family of that Muslim recruit who died after killing himself at Parris Island filed a lawsuit for 100 million dollars. The U.S. accused Cuba of using sonic devices to slowly deafen our diplomats in Havana. Puerto Rico continued to battle to getting back to normal after getting crushed by the hurricane. A naked man threatened cops with a tomahawk.

A USAF airman killed himself and two others in a love triangle gone bad. Vice President Mike Pence marked the anniversary of the 1983 bombing of the Marine Barracks in Beirut. A Silicon Valley CEO was arrested for sexually abusing his three-year-old son and ONE-year-old daughter. Bowe Bergdahl started making the media rounds after being set free. 54 freaking cops were killed when a raid on a militant hideout in Cairo was ambushed. A naked guy broke into a deputy’s house, which was probably dumb.

That terrible story came out about the Navy SEALS who killed the Green Beret in Mali and then covered it up. Then there was that strange tale of those two chicks who were rescued at sea after six months… still haven’t heard the real story behind that one. A church formerly attended by George Washington and now run by lesbian priest is taking down a plaque commemorating G Dub because it isn’t inclusive or something. Myanmar continued its bloody campaign against the Rohingya, leading to my wry observation that the Muslims even piss off the Buddhists. That idiot baseball player who took a knee in “protest” was arrested for pointing a gun at a woman LMAO.

NOVEMBER:

A Penn State Professor wrote that ideas like “hard work” and “meritocracy” were ideas that were rooted in white supremacy, and all of the brain-dead academics nodded in agreement. This chick learned the hard way not to slap a cop:

https://twitter.com/Copvids911/status/927117938406187009

Senator Rand Paul was attacked by his violent, crazed leftist neighbor, and the media tried to tell everyone it was over lawn trimmings. And in Arizona, a man drunk on whiskey attacked his parents while naked.

In a small victory for justice, that USMC Taliban-urination case finally got tossed. A Navy SEAL candidate ended up in a coma after stupid slap-fight game went wrong. Lt. General John Cushman, Vietnam war hero, passed away at 96. That freaking nut job (and former Airman) killed 26 people in a Texas church. The Army introduced its new PT test. A feminist hero SORRY SHE-RO baked a sourdough bread loaf using her own vaginal yeast. A former Army recruiter got 17 years in prison for conspiring to arm Mexican cartels. That Marine DI was given 10 years in prison for recruit abuse, which is ridiculous. George Takei was accused of grabbing a male model’s dick.

The manhunt was on for the cop killer who murdered police officer Brian Shaw. The Afghan army continued to hemorrhage recruits. An Argentinean submarine went missing. Some young, dumb Marines were busted yelling “fuck niggers” on snapchat like the morons they are. Eminem got roasted on Twitter for that lame ass anti-Trump freestyle he did. A serial killer in Japan beheaded nine people by luring them in through social media. Robert Mugabe was removed as president of Zimbabwe. A veteran killed himself in front of  a VA hospital after his mental health needs were neglected. Trump and LaVar Ball started feuding on Twitter, because this is the world we live in. A man was filmed calmly masturbating at a gas station:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F03fWsN9yZ4

The Navy lost three sailors when a C-2 Aircraft crashed into the Philippine sea. USMC Medal of Honor winner and Vietnam legend Colonel Wesley Fox passed away. A defector described life as a North Korean female soldier and it was as shitty as you can imagine. We learned that in today’s America, judges, and not the President or the Pentagon decides who gets in the military, as they block Trump from banning transgenders in the military. A weather channel cameraman lost it when his shot of the Georgia Dome imploding was blocked by a city bus. A Virginia pastor shot and killed his wife, her daugher, and her daughter’s boyfriend at a Thanksgiving dinner.

DECEMBER:

The FBI vs. Congress feud heated up. A missing Army Veteran was found buried in the desert along with her dog. An Australian Army captain suggested masturbation facilities for deployed troops. An inmate in Gaston county jacked off into another inmate’s koran. That Bosnian war criminal drank poison right in the middle of court!:

Those two gay idiots from San Diego were detained in Thailand for mooning a Buddhist temple. A former Oklahoma state senator plead guilty to child sex trafficking after being caught in a motel room with a teenage boy. An old lady decided to manufacture ricin and then test it on her fellow retirement community residents. The illegal alien who murdered Kate Steinle got off with a slap on the wrist, because San Francisco jurors are mentally retarded. Holocaust groups were unhappy that a naked game of tag was allowed to be played inside a gas chamber.

Army beat navy and still got owned in the sign game. A Navy sailor decided to commit a fake hate crime by scrawling racial slurs around his bunk, which we always enjoy. An 84-year-old Korean war vet shot and killed a burglar; dude turned out to be his nephew-in-law. That psycho cop was found not guilty after straight murdering a crying guy on his knees.

That fascinating story broke about the Pentagon’s secret UFO program. The French Air Force can’t fly over 50% of its aircraft. The world’s biggest penis is living on disability and hopes to return to American some day because our women are easy. (He was deported lol.) A sex doll that looks like Justin Bieber went on sale, with customizable dong size, in case you were looking for a Mother’s Day gift.

The Navy continued its decline, granting fitness waivers to almost 50.000 sailors who failed their VERY EASY PT test. A retired Major General was accused of rape several decades ago. Ted Cruz turned into a savage on Twitter, and I’m liking it. A U.S. military vet is set to return to the U.S. after being deported for animal cruelty. (No details on the charges were offered, which is on purpose because our media is worthless.) Some lady is suing the Navy over stealing her slogans of “Forged by the Sea.”  And finally… a naked postal worker killed two coworkers in Ohio.

That’s it. See you in 2018. @BKactual.