Ever wondered how your performance stacks up on a global stage? Wonder no more, a British company has developed an interactive condom, the i.Con. It lights up, detects sexually transmitted diseases and sends data to your smartphone so you can see how your performance rates against the data from other people from around the world.

I am going to go out on a limb here and publicly predict that America will soon dominate global sexual performance competition. Sales of the iCon may lag in other countries as they see the numbers coming out of the USA. Women will be able to check the stats on potential suitors. Unintended consequences? Immigration will soar.

The manufacturer of this amazing device, British Condoms, claims this wearable technology measures the number of calories burned, speed of thrusts, time elapsed and positions used. I never could remember all of that stuff.

British Condoms’ Adam Leverson, says

There’s a lot of tech packed into the i.Con and for us to be able to deliver it in such a way that there is absolutely no hindrance to the user was our main goal – and I think we have gone above and beyond with the i.Con to make sure of this.

The smart condom isn’t a condom at all, it is a band which fits around the base of ones’ manhood which means you will still need a real condom for protection. The good news is that it is “extraordinarily flexible” to accommodate the lucky recipients of natural selection’s bounty.

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Because the iCon uses wireless technology, there are concerns with hacking.  A sex toy company, Lovense, has  reported that one of its vibrator’s remote control apps recorded the sounds from a customer’s private time.

In 2018, you should be able to get your very own i.Con for about $80.

Photo courtesy of British Condoms