(All photos courtesy CNN: Paul Lotsof, left, owner of KAVV-FM, speaks from behind a door with KVOA reporter Zack Briggs)

Notice: not intended for those with impoverished sense of sarcastic humor

“A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says: “Hey, why the long face?” and the room bursts into a chortle. “Hey, how about this one: I was wondering why the ball was getting larger… and then it hit me.” Again the room chuckles it up. “Oh, hey I got one: so there’s a radio station in Arizona that conducts public service announcements instructing listeners how to hide their child pornography from the police.”

The room really loses it this time, heads tilting back launching guffaws, hands slap knees… because that joke was so ridiculously funny, right? Absurd on so many levels… except it’s not funny, or absurd; its true.

At least one altruistic wanna-be decided that what American really needed is some good solid cyber tips on how to hide their child pornography, and continue to indulge themselves on child pornography while successfully thwarting detection by law enforcement authorities. The incumbent: one brother Paul Lotsof, of Benson Arizona’s KAVV-FM radio station.

Yes friends, brother Paul gots Lotsof advice for you on how to hide that literature safely on your computer, so you can return again and again for prolonged transgression. Paul fancies himself a soldier of the service industry; he provides a service, you see. You’ve got a problem, Paul has got Lotsof answers.

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I promise that is the last time I used that word play on his last name; you get it.

Paul’s a saint, a guarding angel. Paul was put on this Earth to protect us all. It is a coin flip as to where the nation will choose to erect the Paul Lotsof monument when he’s gone: either New York City’s Times Square, or as an exhibition to the Smithsonian Institute Museum and coffee shop, Washington, DC.

Such a grand vision it will regale, ten times larger than life, a mighty bronze figure clutching a hard drive with one hand and gesturing it high and above his heavenward gaze. His other hand hangs by his side as it gently grasps the tiny hand of a small child standing by his side, her gentle face exuding love as she stares up at the powerful jowls of Paul Lotsof.

My soul train of grief with Paul begins with the fact that Paul has randomly taken it upon himself to rewrite the law, without the buy-in of our pesky judicial system. Oh, the red tape that is involved with those disgusting people! Paul just wants kiddy porn to be legal, Gosh by golly, Mr. Paully… another one of life’s simple pleasures ruined by a meddling bureaucracy!

Paul want’s kiddy porn mongers to be free from persecution. Make it so, damnit!

The world according to Paul; how the hell do you even explain it? Paul is protected by the First Stinkin’ Amendment to the constitution, and we are left struggling with that age-old question: when is more than enough just too much? Well I would venture a guess that Paul might be hovering dangerously close to the sun wearing wax wings.

Paul just wants to help people; he’s got two strong arms, he can help. The space oddity question is how did he manage to dip his hand in the hopper of human wailings and issues and pluck out: ‘help perverts hide porn?’ I think some cheater stuck that issue in the hopper twice—there’s just not enough oversight and regulation on brotherly love these days.

Not to veer away from the subject entirely, so did you hear that Jared Fogle, the pitchman for Subway Sandwiches was put away for child pornography and for paying for sex acts with minors? Sure, he was the guy that was morbidly obese and lost all his weight by eating a Subway turkey sandwich every day for over a year. I admit he looked sharp, but unfortunately right in time to go away to the pokey for a crime held tightly taboo in a prison environment. Will that sandwich be for here or to go, Jared?

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Back on point with peculiar Paul: “I am not an advocate for it (child pornography). I’m not interested in it and I am against the production of it … but I feel sorry for the people caught with it who are in life in prison as a result. Those people are the real victims and their families,” Lotsof said. “If all of this prevented one person from spending life in prison, then it’s worth it.”

There it is, that line, that flamboyantly overly altruistic plea: “If just one person was helped, it was worth all the trouble and turmoil.” It’s so glib, so cliche’, it just off-gasses ‘big fat liar.’ Just what the heck is Paul’s motivation here, Mr. Producer? When did he give up marching for UNICEF dollars and open up a soup kitchen for America’s most deplorable perverts at large?

The guy could just as easily have taken to community service tasks like picking up litter in the park, or scrubbing graffiti from freeway overpasses. But Paul would have none of that. Instead, he went live on the air with Paul’s Corner; Fall Tips on How to Hide Your Kiddie-Porn Filth. Yessirree, Paul’s down there in the trenches battling it out for us all. My hat is certainly off to him.

Paul resigns to the notion that we will always have child porn, just as we will always have self-destructive drugs, no matter how hard we fight it. So as long as we understand that, we might as well lend a helping hand to the true victims of child porn, not the poor souls who have it, but the poor unfortunate souls who are too stupid to effectively hide it.

Another Arizona man, in the state with the most intense punishment for possession of child porn, is quoted: “I looked at a picture, and I got 200 years.” There’s another American idol of this modern age that is rapidly proliferating, the spineless cowards that won’t take ownership of their transgressions.

I mean put yourselves in Paul’s shoes for just a cotton-picking second, people… after all its just a picture; no harm, no foul, right? In that light I say we just pass out photos of sandwiches to the starving, and don’t bother to guard that pickle left on the edge of our dinner plates. “Yes, yes, yes… for the last time I fully intend to eat my pickle, please don’t ask again!

The double-edged sword, the internet

I wrote an article for SOFREP some months ago on the double-edged sword play of the internet. Yes, the internet is fantastic and wonderful. Yes, the internet is horrible and deplorable. You see, you can’t Yang it up, without throwing in an equal and opposite amount on Yining… if you get where I’m going with this.

The Internet brought proximity to family and friends, YouTube and Wikipedia. The Internet brought us child porn, adult porn, and porn-porn. It brought us death by gambling addiction just a click away, and the most absolutely shameless presidential elections in the history of the United States; I’m still too embarrassed to travel abroad after that last one.

But friends, back to picking on poor Paul, the guy is a martyr, don’t you see? My prediction, based on my extensive work in counter human trafficking and the sex trafficking of minors, is that Paul will establish a 1-800 Pedophile Hotline for perverts on the Lamb. He’ll erect several half-way houses for the sexually dysphoric where they can get a bed, a hot meal, some counseling on better hiding techniques… even some vocational rehab and job placement services in day cares and nurseries across the country.

I envision that Prince Paul will even configure a sort of modern Underground Railway where persons sought for crimes against children can be secretly whisked away through a series of safe houses until they can be transported back to France where they all came from. Paul has a DREAM! Paul has a dream that one day pedophiles will be able to walk the streets surrounding the Junior High with their heads held up high, free from the fear of being shunned by judgemental and intolerant parents.

Paul is a high-minded and magnanimous creature who sees change in the future of America. He’s a sticky man of conviction, and he sticks by those convictions. He is a man of principle, and shall not compromise his principles for neither all the tea in Fort Knox, nor all the gold… in… Japan? Pray with me now that we may all one day pass, and be born again into the world of Paul. I’ll see you there, brothers and sisters.

I love America; I figure she was good enough for John Wayne to love, why not me? To caveat, I more so loved an older version of America, one that drew a line in the sand and kicked ANYONE’S ass who crossed it. I love the American that used to put its foot down and was well intolerant as hell, and didn’t give a rat’s ass if you liked it or not. That kind of American could get into a war it didn’t start, and finish it in just a few years, unlike today where it get’s itself suck in two Vietnam wars at the same time.

Yeah me, I loved the America where the only true liberals were the muddy hippies in Woodstock. Wow, who the hell saw THAT coming, and look where it got us today. Well, for one, liberalism got us Paul Lotsof and his Free the Pedophiles Foundation. Oh, his radio station got slammed shut by the FCC thanks to somebody’s foot going down. Well, Paul will have to re-invent himself and re-insert himself into society where he next fits best.
Lotsof luck with that, Paul.

by God,
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