Evidently it is not just the US military that is a faced with a epidemic of fat bodies and unhealthy life choices that is disqualifying potential recruits.  The People’s Republic of China is issuing a series of public service announcements stating that 8% of recruits are automatically disqualified due to varicocele, a condition with unknown causes that results in the valves inside testicular veins not functioning properly.  The gist of the PSA is to get outside, exercise, stop playing so many video games, and start eating healthy food.  All of this seems perfectly reasonable, but aside from sugary drinks and potato chips there is another activity that communist China wants to crack down on: whacking off.

According to the PSA, sitting around all day masturbating is also a cause of varicocele, a claim that as near as we can tell is unsupported by any medical research or science.  Considering the many oppressive policies of the Chinese government, the many limitations of free speech, and the many many human rights violations committed, the crusade against masturbation may be the final straw that broke the camels back.  If they continue with this policy, the Chinese military may rebel against the party.  Now, the PSA makes no mention of enforcement or if there will be some kind of masturbation gestapo going around and making sure that People’s Liberation Army recruits are not playing with themselves, so time will tell how this shakes out.

Original PSA courtesy of the People’s Republic of China.

One translator who took a look at the PSA said that they believe masturbation to be a sort of “code word” in the same way it warns Chinese away from video games and smart phones.  In other words, the message is to be more Chinese and less Western.  This would be overall consistent with the messaging of domestic Chinese propaganda.

It also isn’t the first time that the Chinese government has floated out curious public service announcements.  Some of you may remember David, the big-nosed Caucasian spy who seduces Chinese women to elicit state secrets in a series of racist cartoons produced by the Chinese authorities.  It is interesting to see how contradictory the messaging put forth to the United States is by comparison to the messaging designed for internal Chinese consumption.  Not only do Chinese citizens have to worry about being seduced by foreign spies but now they can’t go home and rub one out either.

#themoreyouknow

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