I can define two distinct classes of soldiers training up for the Delta Force Selection and Assessment (S&A) tryouts in West “by God” Virginia:

1. Those who insist that their training regime is the best and only way to adequately prepare for a successful run at S&A.

2. Those who quest to discover from others the exact regime that will see them through.

I found myself in the second class. I had no mentor in the form of a friend who had successfully made it through and who could put and keep me on a training path that made sense. I fell somewhat prey to speculations and second and third-hand advice from men who had friends and friends of friends who had made it through S&A.

It was my great fortune to never enamor myself with any one school of advice. Had I done so, I might have doomed myself to succumbing to some dolt’s quackery. At some point, I was even convinced that the normal human body could not endure the trial, and only by a spirited intake of strengthening supplements could I have a fighting chance.

I had, at a minimum, the innate grace to forgo that ridiculous notion and move on to the next equally ridiculous one.

Richard Simmons can prepare you for Delta Force
Richard Simmons’s Sweatin’ to the Oldies was not included in the author’s Delta Force Selection preparation regimen, much to the stunning of an incredulous Simmons fan club.

Gosh, I can’t remember the name of the man who sold me this snake oil theory. If I could I would promptly send him a letter of instruction inviting him to kindly slap himself as hard as he can across the face.

He confided the following to me in a low whisper, having looked first to the left and right to ensure that nobody was around and then leaning his head in close: