Everyone see what I did there? Alternative titles included, “Beer and Bloating” and “Sneers and Gloating,” both of which, while completely apropos, didn’t quite roll of the tongue the way I wanted them to.

So we press on. SHOT show 2015! For those of you who aren’t familiar, this is the Shooting, Hunting, and Outdoor Trade show. It has become one of the largest weapons and related-gear shows in the world, with over 65,000 invite-only attendees gather for 4 days to check out the latest and greatest in death-dealing technology.

I had never gone before, but had heard stories. So I reluctantly bade goodbye to the local filthy hippies down at the seawall of my beloved San Diego beach community, and made the trek across the desert to Las Vegas.

Las Vegas! There really is no place like it. As soon as you crest that last hill leading up to the town, you can smell the desperation and greed wafting through the air like a thick smog. You can hear the cacophony of voices: the meth dealers,  the haggard bottle servers, the degenerate gamblers at the sports book at 10 AM on a weekday; the hustlers in cheap suits and expensive shoes. A great, glorious, bubbling caldron of wretchedness!