In the mid-90s the Commanding General of Ft. Bragg, NC was married to a conservationist of flora and fauna. Oh, keeper of the golden heart, she; the harbinger of salvation for all that which burgeons forth from dirt, and for that which forages in the dirt for food and shelter. Be it a wisp on the wing or a burrowing brother there would be solace for all living and growing things, or there would be no late-night… “comfort”.

A frame grab of the General’s wife as she appeared in the 1994 afees catalogue

The keeper of the golden heart was also the keeper of the General’s intestinal fortitudinous gumption. Some say he lacked balls. Ok, whatever. Misses General came to pining away the fate of the Red-Cockaded Woodpecker, or as we took to affectionally referring to it as the “Red Cock-headed Woodpecker”, or simply “the Dick-Head.” It seems the bird pissed hot on the ornithological list of species facing extinction.

Lady General saw to it that the general would embrace and comply with environmental measures and procedures to salvage the existence of the Dick-Head. Were ever the Dick-Head spotted burrowing into a tree, a generous radius of a tree stand around that Dick-Head’s home was put off-limits to the tread of man and all association therewith.

The venerable "Dick-Head" Red-Caucaded woodpecker in all it's orinthological wonder.