When the news regarding Ghislaine Maxwell was recently made public, it was far too rich to not publish some commentary of our own. The reader will not be left surprised at the general message we wish to convey, given that the article’s exemplar exhibited technological prowess no greater than that of a kindergarten level. It is, therefore, with great pleasure that we introduce a simple manual for how not to evade FBI surveillance.

British socialite and recent FBI hide-and-seek contestant Ghislaine Maxwell was arrested last week after the FBI stormed the New Hampshire residence where she was hiding. Maxwell was sought by the FBI for her alleged role in procuring and sexually trafficking underage girls for her late convicted sex offender associate Jeffrey Epstein. She reportedly attempted to minimize electronic eavesdropping by wrapping her cell phone in tin foil.

Now, for those readers seeking to avoid federal incarceration, we offer no luck or counsel. Instead, we advise you to contact your local Field Office or other U.S. Marshals’ location at your earliest convenience. Such selflessness will save taxpayer dollars and begin your inevitable arrest. However, for those inclined to embrace a legitimate privacy-oriented lifestyle, we do have a few thoughts on the matter of mobile devices and privacy.

Let us be clear: cell phones are a privacy and digital security nightmare. We’ve covered this extensively in the past and published a Digital Security Guide addressing some of the risks and best practices to mitigate them. Thankfully, phones and other mobile devices do offer amazing capabilities and convenience, which helps offset some of the inherent privacy risks they present.