Military Jokes: Laugh Your Way to Tougher Times This Thanksgiving When Family Time Is Harder Than Basic

The military is no stranger to jokes.

The worst prank we’ve seen at SOFREP is someone at medical calling someone at the command to tell them they were HIV-positive. Having just returned from a deployment to Thailand this person thought for the entire day that he was a dead man. In fact, when he found out, he wasn’t even angry, just relieved he had a new lease on life!

So, come on, let’s all laugh together and celebrate a day that was great for the New England settlers and not so good for the Indians.

We’ve heard it all before (well most of it) BUT, we would appreciate you sharing your funny joke or best prank with us in the comments below.

Everything goes! From basic training to funky-smelling multi-gender bathrooms, we call them “Heads” in the Navy, and “Latrines” in the Army.

Whether you’re looking for some humor during difficult family times (we all have that certain family member at the table) or you need a laugh on duty, these jokes are sure to make you feel like you’re with the boys (girls) or both, again.

Ten Jokes for ‘Family Time Is Hard’ Holidays

One day, a major calls down to the motor pool. “Motor pool”, answers a young Soldier. The Major asks, “Do you have any vehicles left to check out today?” “Just a jeep that some jack-assed major in battalion is always using,” replied the soldier. The major, now fuming, asks, “Troop, Do you know who I am?!? The Soldier answers, “No, Do you know who I am? “No!” answered the very angry major.
“Good!” the troop said as he hung up the phone. Remind you of your E-4 self?
Q: Why do military men often marry lovers from the countries in which they’re deployed? A: Because when they finally come home, they get to leave their in-laws thousands of miles away.
Q: What’s the difference between a military man talking dirty to a woman versus a woman talking dirty to a military man?
A: When a military man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a military man, it’s $3.95 a minute.
Q: What’s the difference between a Soldier and a civilian? A: A civilian screams and runs, and a soldier screams and shoots!
Q: Why are new military candidates so happy? A: They have no idea what’s in store for them.
How many guns do you need for a firefight? A: Two. One for us to shoot and one for the United States to sell to the enemy so he can shoot back at us (or just hand it over, if the enemy is a Taliban).
Q: How many Marines does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six
Q: What’s the difference between the military and a large pizza? A: Large pizza can feed a family of four.
A young female was discharged from the Army, and found that there was a typo on her discharge papers so that she was listed as a male. Concerned about this mistake, she brought it to the attention of her sergeant. “Well,” said the sergeant, “They said the Army’d make a man out of you.”
Two terrorists are chatting. One of them pulls out his wallet and flips through the pictures. Proudly, he pulls out two to show his friend. “This is my oldest son. He’s a martyr. And this is my second son. He’s a martyr too.”After a pause, the second terrorist says, “Ahh, they blow up so fast, don’t they?”

The military is no stranger to jokes.

So, come on, let’s all laugh together and celebrate a day that was great for the New England settlers and not so good for the Indians.

We’ve heard it all before (well most of it) BUT, we would appreciate you sharing your funny joke or best prank with us in the comments below.

Everything goes! From basic training to funky-smelling multi-gender bathrooms, we call them “Heads” in the Navy, and “Latrines” in the Army.

Ten Jokes for ‘Family Time Is Hard’ Holidays

One day, a major calls down to the motor pool. “Motor pool”, answers a young Soldier. The Major asks, “Do you have any vehicles left to check out today?” “Just a jeep that some jack-assed major in battalion is always using,” replied the soldier. The major, now fuming, asks, “Troop, Do you know who I am?!? The Soldier answers, “No, Do you know who I am? “No!” answered the very angry major.
“Good!” the troop said as he hung up the phone. Remind you of your E-4 self?
Q: Why do military men often marry lovers from the countries in which they’re deployed? A: Because when they finally come home, they get to leave their in-laws thousands of miles away.
Q: What’s the difference between a military man talking dirty to a woman versus a woman talking dirty to a military man?
A: When a military man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a military man, it’s $3.95 a minute.
Q: What’s the difference between a Soldier and a civilian? A: A civilian screams and runs, and a soldier screams and shoots!
Q: Why are new military candidates so happy? A: They have no idea what’s in store for them.
How many guns do you need for a firefight? A: Two. One for us to shoot and one for the United States to sell to the enemy so he can shoot back at us (or just hand it over, if the enemy is a Taliban).
Q: How many Marines does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six
Q: What’s the difference between the military and a large pizza? A: Large pizza can feed a family of four.
A young female was discharged from the Army, and found that there was a typo on her discharge papers so that she was listed as a male. Concerned about this mistake, she brought it to the attention of her sergeant. “Well,” said the sergeant, “They said the Army’d make a man out of you.”
Two terrorists are chatting. One of them pulls out his wallet and flips through the pictures. Proudly, he pulls out two to show his friend. “This is my oldest son. He’s a martyr. And this is my second son. He’s a martyr too.”After a pause, the second terrorist says, “Ahh, they blow up so fast, don’t they?”