I’m not the kind of person who panders to conspiracy theories, but after the latest uniform change announcement, I continue to arrive at one conclusion. I submit a new conspiracy theory – the Pentagon is a cover for the world’s largest art, design, fashion, and media academy.

“Oh my god, I love the new fabric, Raul -It’s to die for! Get marketing on this, the Navy is THE new look for the fall.”

Every few years some admiral, general, Department of Defense marketing clown, or politician seems to get a combination of bored, drunk, greedy, high, or horny and then demands new uniforms. And in this tangled mess of wasted cash and material, it is impossible to find much, if any reason. The hunt for the prettiest dress continues, and despite the fact that the 2014 National Defense Authorization Act clearly spelled out; the was to DoD select a single camouflage pattern to span all branches. The House and the Senate Armed Services Committee must have slipped up and forgot to include a clause, bypassing the Flag Officer’s Creed, which is, “Whatever, whatever, I do what I want,” that is traditionally followed with two fingers snaps in cadence with a simultaneous double eye and neck roll. Meaning, the push for a single uniform has since been surrendered to the DoD.


Is there really nothing important happening the Pentagon? Is making, on-going, innocuous, and sweeping multi-billion dollar changes that affect hundreds of thousands of people as easy a drunk shopping on Amazon when you’re an admiral or a general?  Perhaps, my conspiracy theory is spot-on, and the Pentagon is front, for the academy of high art, fashion, and media. I don’t know, but the maniac fashion police in command, who you would think, would have much better things to focus on – are again demanding, the finest clothes in all the land.

This fashion show is not cheap and goes well beyond the numbers often cited by senior staff that ranges between the hundreds of thousand and millions of dollars. The figures often cited only reflect the research and development costs, fielding the uniforms is another bill, buried within a 2014 Military Uniform Procurement: Questions and Answers , Congressional Research Service, U.S. Government Accountability Office report, is the 2012 figure,

Within DLA Troop Support, the Clothing and Textile (C&T)

Directorate supplies more than 8,000 different items ranging from uniforms to footwear and equipment. According to DLA Troop Support, in FY2012, C&T sales of clothing, textiles, and equipment to military personnel worldwide surpassed $1.9 billion.

For the Navy ‘blueberry’ uniform, a three-year hissy fit has been thrown by Naval senior staff who are apparently so disconnected with what their sailors do, that they’ve mocked the nautical appearance of uniforms . . . I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but most of the Navy spends their time either at sea or focusing on tasks that are to be completed in support of mission on or from the sea.