What a year, folks. Another 12 months of bringing you the best in military news, pop culture, crime, politics, and nudity, now in the books. Here is a month-by-month breakdown of some of the stories we covered in an epic 2016. Thank you to each and every one of you out there for reading and commenting; it’s been fun. I’m already looking forward to 2017. Head over to the podcast for a special year-end commemorative special with my special guests, USMC infantrymen JonJon and Creeper; USMC Recon Marine, Trace; and Army Special Force soldier, Mush. It was interesting and hilarious, to say the least. (Note: The link at the beginning of each summary will take you to that week’s News Roundup.)
January:
The year started off with one of many terrible stories about the Veteran’s Administration. A study found that, despite the VA trumpeting their “We hire veterans” slogan, only 13 percent of the top officials running hospitals were actually veterans. An Army CID investigator decided he really didn’t like his restaurant bill, so first he pulled out his gun…and then his penis. A rear admiral was fired for looking at porn during work, which would just be the first of many stories in the year of officers behaving badly. Remember the Bundy family, the kooky ranchers who thought their cows had a right to graze on government land? Well, their spokesman, who ran to the cameras and claimed to be a former Marine, was busted as NOT a Marine. Also, a nude Florida woman fought off the cops by threatining to pee on them.
The month continued with some of our sailors being swept up by the Iranian Navy and being used to make propaganda videos. Two helicopters crashed off the coast of Hawaii, and we lost 12 Marines. A Navy corpsman was accused of beating his girlfriend’s toddler son to death. The commander of the 75th Ranger Regiment was relieved for, no shit, playing beer pong and having fun on his own time. An Air Force base had a skeet shoot, and used the image of MLK Jr. on it to advertise, which went over about as well as could be expected. The vice commander of the 50th Air Force Space Wing was busted sending dick pics, and a chick took off all her clothes and started fighting at a Waffle House.
Of course January means one thing: SHOT Show time! Just like I did the year before, I went to check it out and brought you plenty of picture of the gear that jumped out at me. Good times…even if we were staying in a crack house.
The USMC went to play in the snow with the Koreans in some joint exercises and ended up with great pictures. A new littoral combat ship suffered severe engine damage when the dopes forgot to put oil in it. Navy Secretary and Chief Social Justice Warrior Ray Mabus continued his fanatical quest to open up every job in the military to females. The black student union at UC Irvine called for their police force to be disbanded, which I supported. The Navy decided to return to the old-school, resuming the teaching of navigation using the stars and a sextant. Two gross VA executives got their well-deserved demotions overturned. A Naval officer got 40 months in prison as part of that “Fat Leonard” scandal. A man demonstrated an uncanny ability to play ping-pong…with his penis.
https://twitter.com/BKactual/status/814984443068825600
February:
We dove deep into that VA executive story, exposing how rotten it was. A Navy corpsman received a Silver Star for foiling an insider attack in Afghanistan. SEAL Edward Byers was awarded the Medal of Honor. An Air Force officer was charged with the rape of a girl under 17 years old. In a personal favorite story, a soldier won a date with a porn star and got to go to the AVN awards with her. He walked the red carpet in uniform, and people promptly freaked. Military police in San Diego were accused of stealing people’s bikes when they unwittingly trespassed on unmarked trails. A civilian chick stole 100,000 dollars from the USMC. A retired Army colonel hit and killed a Colorado state trooper while drunk. A 10-year-old boy was raped by an Iraqi migrant in Austria, who claimed he had a “sexual emergency.” I crushed the NY Times for its patronizing racism.
The Iranians released a propaganda video of the U.S. sailors they had captured crying. Two Maryland sheriff’s deputies were executed by an ex-con who ambushed them. A former military police trainee got 820,000 bucks in compensation for her boss sending her dick pics. The Broncos won the Super Bowl, and I was unhappy with the choice of Coldplay as halftime performer. And a 24-year-fold Florida woman was found naked, drunk, and unconscious next to the child she was supposed to be babysitting. Fantastic mug shot.
What a year, folks. Another 12 months of bringing you the best in military news, pop culture, crime, politics, and nudity, now in the books. Here is a month-by-month breakdown of some of the stories we covered in an epic 2016. Thank you to each and every one of you out there for reading and commenting; it’s been fun. I’m already looking forward to 2017. Head over to the podcast for a special year-end commemorative special with my special guests, USMC infantrymen JonJon and Creeper; USMC Recon Marine, Trace; and Army Special Force soldier, Mush. It was interesting and hilarious, to say the least. (Note: The link at the beginning of each summary will take you to that week’s News Roundup.)
January:
The year started off with one of many terrible stories about the Veteran’s Administration. A study found that, despite the VA trumpeting their “We hire veterans” slogan, only 13 percent of the top officials running hospitals were actually veterans. An Army CID investigator decided he really didn’t like his restaurant bill, so first he pulled out his gun…and then his penis. A rear admiral was fired for looking at porn during work, which would just be the first of many stories in the year of officers behaving badly. Remember the Bundy family, the kooky ranchers who thought their cows had a right to graze on government land? Well, their spokesman, who ran to the cameras and claimed to be a former Marine, was busted as NOT a Marine. Also, a nude Florida woman fought off the cops by threatining to pee on them.
The month continued with some of our sailors being swept up by the Iranian Navy and being used to make propaganda videos. Two helicopters crashed off the coast of Hawaii, and we lost 12 Marines. A Navy corpsman was accused of beating his girlfriend’s toddler son to death. The commander of the 75th Ranger Regiment was relieved for, no shit, playing beer pong and having fun on his own time. An Air Force base had a skeet shoot, and used the image of MLK Jr. on it to advertise, which went over about as well as could be expected. The vice commander of the 50th Air Force Space Wing was busted sending dick pics, and a chick took off all her clothes and started fighting at a Waffle House.
Of course January means one thing: SHOT Show time! Just like I did the year before, I went to check it out and brought you plenty of picture of the gear that jumped out at me. Good times…even if we were staying in a crack house.
The USMC went to play in the snow with the Koreans in some joint exercises and ended up with great pictures. A new littoral combat ship suffered severe engine damage when the dopes forgot to put oil in it. Navy Secretary and Chief Social Justice Warrior Ray Mabus continued his fanatical quest to open up every job in the military to females. The black student union at UC Irvine called for their police force to be disbanded, which I supported. The Navy decided to return to the old-school, resuming the teaching of navigation using the stars and a sextant. Two gross VA executives got their well-deserved demotions overturned. A Naval officer got 40 months in prison as part of that “Fat Leonard” scandal. A man demonstrated an uncanny ability to play ping-pong…with his penis.
https://twitter.com/BKactual/status/814984443068825600
February:
We dove deep into that VA executive story, exposing how rotten it was. A Navy corpsman received a Silver Star for foiling an insider attack in Afghanistan. SEAL Edward Byers was awarded the Medal of Honor. An Air Force officer was charged with the rape of a girl under 17 years old. In a personal favorite story, a soldier won a date with a porn star and got to go to the AVN awards with her. He walked the red carpet in uniform, and people promptly freaked. Military police in San Diego were accused of stealing people’s bikes when they unwittingly trespassed on unmarked trails. A civilian chick stole 100,000 dollars from the USMC. A retired Army colonel hit and killed a Colorado state trooper while drunk. A 10-year-old boy was raped by an Iraqi migrant in Austria, who claimed he had a “sexual emergency.” I crushed the NY Times for its patronizing racism.
The Iranians released a propaganda video of the U.S. sailors they had captured crying. Two Maryland sheriff’s deputies were executed by an ex-con who ambushed them. A former military police trainee got 820,000 bucks in compensation for her boss sending her dick pics. The Broncos won the Super Bowl, and I was unhappy with the choice of Coldplay as halftime performer. And a 24-year-fold Florida woman was found naked, drunk, and unconscious next to the child she was supposed to be babysitting. Fantastic mug shot.
A famous Marine was mugged by a group of black teens who repeatedly asked him, “Do black lives matter?” before beating and robbing him in D.C. The USMC officer who led the charge up Mount Suribachi on Iwo Jima passed away. A Louisiana police captain got all the SJWs butthurt when he made a video of himself and his heavily armed deputies challenging the local gangs. The FBI conducted raids on San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook’s brother. The Air Force Academy was tops on the list of locales for clients of the Ashley Madison website. The Afghan Air Force can’t stop killing civilians. The Philadelphia Police Department photoshopped Kanye West into a hilarious picture. The VA in Cincinnati had gross body parts all over supposedly sterile surgical equipment. And a naked man killed his own mother on Valentine’s Day.
A Marine was thrown out of a Bill Clinton rally held for his wife and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton for screaming at him about Benghazi. The Army revealed some high-speed new body armor they’ll start rolling out in 2019. A Navy whistleblower claims he’s seen the photos of the aliens that the government is hiding from you. A St. Louis VA hospital exposed 1,800 patients to HIV, and a pizza delivery chick used her base privileges to sell narcotics to airmen at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base.
March:
The beginning of the month brought the 50th News Roundup. A man dressed in a clown costume decided to smoke meth right at the counter of the Waffle House. Some in the Army mused that Airborne parachute operations were outmoded and dangerous. A Sikh Army captain won the right to wear his turban and beard in uniform. An Army recruiter was arrested for child porn, and another one sent a dick pic to an underage girl. An Air Force general was very upset that most fighter pilots are white. An Army NCO was indicted after killing his wife and a rookie Virginia cop. A registered sex offender was arrested after getting caught masturbating in the children’s book section of a Barnes and Noble.
Two executives of the charity Wounded Warrior Project got shit-canned. The son of a highly decorated combat controller went missing and was presumed dead. A man in a Florida Walmart stole every last bit of valor in an entertaining video. A gay USAF lieutenant went on trial for sodomizing a drunken Marine in a hot tub. A police officer in the town of Chester enjoyed showing his dong to the female inmates they had in the jail. People started noticing the rising body count in Chicago, which would go on to have a historically violent year. And a naked women climbed atop a semi truck on a freeway and danced for the whole world, much to our chagrin.
Also in March, the USAF security forces faced a huge drug scandal. Iran announced they were going to build a statue depicting the capture of U.S. sailors. An investigation into the stabbing of four people on the UC Merced campus by a devout Muslim with an ISIS flag hanging in his room left the FBI baffled at the motive. A U.S. naval officer was arrested for groping, then punching, a Japanese woman on a flight to Tokyo. The USMC spent a shitload of money to protect the desert tortoise, and a homeless man was arrested after stripping naked, taking a shit, and then masturbating on the beach…in front of a five-year-old girl.
Terrorists then blew shit up in Belgium, and in a News Roundup Special, I detailed exactly how the hapless bunglers of the Belgian Security Services had botched the investigation. Drawing on many different articles, it illustrates that, much like the Germans, the Belgians are completely overwhelmed, ill-prepared, and possess a lack of intestinal fortitude to confront this enemy they’ve allowed to flourish within their countries. I am not optimistic.
April:
We began the month with a judge abruptly canceling two weeks worth of pre-trial hearing for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in the 9/11 case. Incredibly, that’s still going on. A piece of shit shot and killed a Virginia State Trooper/former Marine. The first female attempted MARSOC’s selection course (she failed). Police killed a father and son criminal duo in Baltimore. An illegal alien was arrested for raping and impregnating a 12-year-old girl, while four other illegal aliens were arrested for raping a Massachusetts woman. A female veteran praised for her service by Donald Trump turns out to be full of shit. A guy fleeing the cops in an SUV somehow managed to get on a military base, all the way to the flight line, and took out a 60 million dollar jet. In a year with tons of fake hate crimes, a 20-year-old Muslim chick said she was slashed in the face by scary white men. She made it up. And a naked guy was caught on video doing the old Ding Dong Ditch on a cop’s front door.
It hit close to home when an Air Force pararescue candidate and former FBI agent shot and killed the commander of the training squadron, then himself, after he had failed out of the course. A USMC chef got in trouble when he went on “Hell’s Kitchen” and said he didn’t want to work with chicks. Famous SEAL Rob O’Neill was busted for a DUI when he was caught sleeping in his car in a parking lot, which is bullshit. And an extremely unpleasant-looking man decided to water his lawn nude, and then pull a knife on the cops who responded.
The Citadel considered its first-ever uniform change to accommodate a Muslim girl. (They later said, nah.) Failed head of state Angela Merkel put a comedian in jail at the behest of the Turkish dictator Recep Erdogan. The Sandy Hook lawsuit against Colt was allowed to move forward. An Army recruiter was busted for kiddie porn, and a man in Orange County took off all his clothes, then laid down in at the middle of a very busy street for some reason. Miraculously, he wasn’t killed.
ESPN ran a great story about Tiger Woods’s dream of becoming a Navy SEAL. Two National Guardsmen won the “Best Ranger” competition, to the consternation of the full-timers everywhere. USMC leaders began to cave on making female standards the same as men’s. ICE decided it made sense to place new illegal alien minors with…illegal alien relatives already living a worry-free life in the U.S. An air drop gone wrong destroyed two HUMVEES, all caught on video, and a nude man screaming about how he’d been bitten in the genitals ended up getting tased by the po-po.
May:
We began May with another News Roundup Special, this time in memory of combat controller and two-time Silver Star winner Sean Harvell. Sean was found dead off the coast of Long Beach. This came several years after the death of his brother, Andy Harvell, also a combat controller, in the shoot-down of Extortion 17. One family gave so much. Extraordinary indeed.
Moving on, we had controversy when a group of female African-American West Point cadets posed in uniform with their fists clenched in a “black power” salute. Navy SEAL Charles Keating IV was killed in combat against ISIS in northern Iraq. A USMC amputee climbed a steep hill on one leg to honor the fallen. Marines were sent to bolster security at the U.S. embassy in Baghdad after the Green Zone was breached. A U.K.-trained naval officer showed his gratitude by joining the Islamic State. And in what may be the mugshot of the year, a naked 67-year-old man was arrested after standing on a refrigerator and making “lewd gestures” toward his neighbor’s house.
The Army released its new Occupational Physical Assessment Test, and I offered a few tips on how to train up. A former Naval Academy instructor got naughty with a student. Two La-Raza linked groups screamed at the San Francisco city council, all caught on video. A Navy SEAL trainee died in a pool during training, sparking an investigation into the instructor’s behavior. A lieutenant colonel was busted when he traveled to meet what he thought was a 13-year-old girl for sex. And a naked illegal alien hopped the fence at Miami-Dade Airport and ran onto the runway.
The VA actually began to consider whether it would allow medicinal marijuana as a treatment, which, of course, they later pussed out on. A USAF chief became the first Air Force E-9 to graduate from Ranger School. A fake hate crime made the news (of course) when a black kid said three white guys jumped him and beat him up. Barbara Boxer got booed off the stage at a democratic rally for Hillary, leading to some GREAT video. An Army EOD officer was caught with some grenades and a block of C-4 at his house. Gay Eric Fanning was named secretary of the army, a job he had absolutely zero qualifications for…except being gay. And a naked guy was arrested after being found hiding in a chimney while playing hide and seek with his adult cousin. I know, weird.
Doofus VA Secretary Bob Mcdonald was forced to apologize after comparing long waiting times at the VA with rides at Disneyland. Obama went to Hiroshima and all but came out and said the United States committed a war crime. Bernie Sanders really started showing how insane he was. A female NCO in the Wyoming National Guard became the first enlisted infantry soldier in the Army after completing a two-week transition course. A volunteer group found the remains of 12 more U.S. soldiers on the island of Tarawa, from WWII. A USAF vet was killed and then cut up with a chainsaw, and a woman being arrested in South Carolina decided to try exposing herself to the cops to get out of it. It didn’t work because she’s hideous.
June:
In a crazy coincidence, two demonstration aircraft crashed on the same day. The pilot for USAF Thunderbirds lived; unfortunately, the pilot of the Blue Angels did not survive. Eight soldiers were killed in Fort Hood when the LMTV they were traveling in overturned in a fast-running creek. A tough way to start the month out. Meanwhile, I was dealing with some Third-World technical difficulties, so that was the only news I could publish that week.
The following week got no better, as jihadi Omar Matteen killed 50 people in a Florida nightclub. A young off-duty PJ passed away in a free-diving accident. The VA considered offering transgender surgeries, since it was doing a bang-up job with everything else. A hero Marine gave his life to save two kids drowning in a canal. Former generals David Patreus and Stanley Mcchrystal teamed up to take away your guns. I broke down how terrible and unfit for the presidency Hillary Clinton was. A USAF CCT received a posthumous Silver Star. A decorated Army officer brandished a handgun and threw bacon at a mosque, and a naked man tried to feed another man’s dog tacos.
Then it was time for another News Roundup Special. I despaired at America’s head-in-the-sand approach to the threat of Islamic terrorism. I demonstrated how our media is constantly on guard for the backlash against Islam, instead of actual Islamic terror. Also, Obama is spent and flaccid in his approach. Go read the whole thing. It holds up pretty well. Face it: I’ve been right about everything.
Against all odds and polls, the BREXIT happened, and there were many prognostications of doom. The Pentagon officially lifted the transgender ban in the military, which I opposed. The feds concluded that “Omar Mateen actually hated gays and wasn’t a jihadi” was bullshit. An abuse survivor from the Australian military band said he was raped by a dog. Yes, you read that right. A Navy pilot got caught filming a 16-year-old girl in a dressing room. A guy who lectured at schools for decades as a Nazi prison camp survivor was outed as a huge faker. House Democrats held that stupid sit-in to take your guns. A guy decided to walk around downtown Louisville wearing nothing, but holding a sword.
July:
The Navy released an after-action report on that disaster when the U.S. sailors got swept up by Iran, and we went through the mistakes made. (Hint: There were a lot.) The religion of peace blew up 120 people in Baghdad and bombed a Turkish airport. A Guantanamo Bay alumnus shockingly decided not to stick around after being released by Barack. A bunch of swabs got caught cheating at the Navy’s independent duty corpsman school. Four veterans decided to make thousands of obscene phone calls to a veterans suicide hotline. USMC DIs got investigated for hazing, while the French grappled with Islamic terrorists…within the armed forces.
Five police officers were killed in Dallas by a former Army soldier and Black Lives Matter sympathizer. I put up all of their pictures and noted how our police officers were under siege, while showing the statistical improbability of being shot by a cop, despite what the disgusting media says. A deputy assistant secretary of the Navy decided to pull a gun on some teenagers because they parked on a public street in front of his house. The death of a SEAL trainee was ruled a homicide (currently under dispute). The cops arrested a man for lying naked in his driveway.
An insane attempt at a coup in Turkey unfolded before us live on TV. It ended up failing, and there’s a lot of dead people because of it. You come at the king, you’d better kill the king. A female attempted to become a USAF TAC-P. (No update, which means she failed.) A former Army sniper was arrested for committing a string of bank robberies in San Diego. A 94-year-old WWII vet earns his sixth-degree black belt. A veteran stole from the veterans group he was working for, and a man was arrested after walking around in MY DAMN NEIGHBORHOOD in San Diego buck-ass naked. Luckily, I was overseas.
All the gory details of the Secret Service sex scandal down in Columbia were finally made public, and I enjoyed myself going through the details. Two female officers reported to Fort Bragg to begin SF selection. (No word on that one.) Stupid John Kerry said that air-conditioning was as big a threat to the planet as ISIS. A reporter got busted by State Department spokesman John Kirby for playing Pokemon Go in a hilarious video. A former SF soldier goes transgender in a brutal story. An Air Force pilot returns to duty after losing a leg in a boating accident. A Ventura couple was perturbed to find a nude man enjoying himself in their hot tub.
The U.S. Navy decided to name a ship after gay activist Harvey Milk. At least the guy was in the Navy, I guess. Trump joked about Russia releasing Hillary’s emails, and the media went berserk…as they continue to this day. We got our first news about the Army’s notorious “Swinger General,” who enjoyed the Army and group sex with strangers—not necessarily in that order. A West Point grad died on the first day of Ranger School. We publish a crazy story about an Army vet/contractor getting rolled up by rebels in Yemen and getting tortured. Luke Aikens jumped out of a plane at 25,000 feet and landed in a net…without a parachute. A 53-year-old man was caught masturbating in his car outside of an L.L. Bean store while butt nekkid.
August:
It was the five-year anniversary of the Extortion 17 shoot-down. We remembered all of our brothers on that Chinook. There was a debate on whether the FBI was encouraging terrorism by entrapping otherwise harmless bigmouth Islamists. Everyone lost their shit when a veteran gave Donald Trump his Purple Heart and Trump said that he had always wanted one. Officials marveled at the fighting prowess of the Taliban as they re-took vast swathes of territory. A naked guy crashed into five parked cars while drinking a Bud Light.
We published this crazy video of an RC aircraft doing gun runs and dropping paratroopers. These aren’t your average remote-controlled planes. Stupid Jesse Ventura vowed to take his defamation case against the estate of SEAL Chris Kyle to the Supreme Court. A senior Canadian naval officer got shitfaced and groped the ass of a U.S. female Coast Guard member. The Navy named a ship after USMC legend John Basilone. Bees take on an F-22 fighter jet and win. USMC commandant Neller thinks the Green Bean coffee shops on the bases overseas are making you pussies soft, and a naked guy is filmed smoking crack on the subway. Zero fucks given.
The feds took away almost all of the profit from Matt Bissonette’s book, “No Easy Day,” about the killing of Osama Bin Laden. The VA spent 300 large on TVs that never got used and just sat in boxes. Naked Donald Trump statues hit the street, to much mirth. Another female washed out of the USMC’s Infantry Officer Course. An Ohio man was arrested after attempting to have sex with a van. The long tradition of the officer’s clubs on bases is going extinct, and a man was arrested after breaking into a house naked, though he swore he had not intention of molesting the seven-year-old girl he was caught standing over. Uh huh.
Ah, Colin Kaepernick and the goddamn national anthem. I had managed to forget about this until writing this column. Anyway, I tore him a new asshole. Sean Naylor put out a great story about the death of John Chapman at Robert’s Ridge. MARSOC unveiled its new badge for all operators. A retired USAF four-star was accused of sexual harassment. Apparently there was some “inappropriate touching” and “oral sodomy.” Yikes. That gay lieutenant was found not guilty in the hot tub sodomy incident (!!!). Three Marines were sentenced to prison for beating the shit out of a guy they thought was having an affair with one of their wives, and a guy who looks like David Crosby (the later years) was arrested after flashing a group of girls at a lemonade stand.
September:
James Comey said Hillary Clinton did nothing illegal when she set up her highly illegal server in her own house. I went through the bullshit report. The Ranger Assessment and Selection Program (RASP) had its first female attempt to join. She didn’t make it. We take a look at the burgeoning sex robot industry and what it all means. The littoral combat ship broke down for the fourth time. Iran released some pretty slick anti-American propaganda videos. A Royal Marine was charged with bomb-making. Something about northern Ireland, I guess. A 17-year-old girl thought a picturesque Oregon river would be a perfect backdrop for her senior pictures. Unfortunately, there was an enormous naked fat man in the background. Hilarity ensued.
News Roundup Special: It was the 15th anniversary of the September 11th attacks, and I shared where I was on that day and how it made me go into the military, like so many other young men. It’s crazy to think back on that day and how much the world, the U.S. military, and American society has changed thanks to that one moment.
Two separate bombings hit the United States, both thankfully with zero deaths. One was in New Jersey, targeting a USMC charity run, while the other one went off in the Chelsea district in Manhattan. A Green Beret was paralyzed after he broke his neck diving into some water to save a girl’s life. The Army was refusing to pay his medical bills since he had trace amounts of cocaine and alcohol in his system. Thankfully, that’s been reversed. That gross, disgusting teenage prostitute who was at the center of the Oakland PD scandal sued the city for 66 million dollars. A command master chief got relieved for punching a guy out at a Trump rally. (He was a supporter.) Coolio was arrested at the airport after cops found a loaded, stolen handgun in his luggage. A 59-year-old man was arrested after getting caught jacking off in the bushes while naked.
Police shootings in the cities of Tulsa and Charlotte sparked more rioting. I posted the videos and offered my opinion. America’s greatest hero, and probably my favorite podcast subject, Anthony Weiner, got caught sexting with a 15-year-old girl. RUH ROH. The online naming contest for America’s upcoming B-21 bomber had to be scrapped when, predictably, they were flooded with names like “Badasswhoopass” and “Stealthy McStealthface” from morons. West Point got a frown from the SJWs when some of their cadets wore sombreros to a football game. A young Marine and sailor were killed by scumbags in separate incidents. More generals got in trouble for the sexy time, and a man was arrested for throwing a baby over a fence…while naked.
October:
We started the month by crushing NBA asshole Joakim Noah for refusing to sit down and eat with the West Point cadets. See, they were good enough to be used for their practice facilities, but the jerk-off couldn’t be bothered to eat with them because war is icky and gross or something. Sports video of the year has to be when pro golfers have enough of a guy heckling them and challenge him to make a putt that they missed, with a C-note on the line. He drained it. The USMC considers stupidly ditching their iconic slogan, “the few… the proud…the Marines.” Another asshole decided not to stand for the national anthem, but this one was in the Navy. Whoops. A naked man tried to break into a house in Iowa. When that failed, he pissed and shat on the doorstep.
Two police officers were shot and killed in Palm Springs, California, continuing a deadly year for cops. A 31-year-old Green Beret was killed by an IED in Afghanistan. A soldier and his girlfriend murdered the soldier’s wife. One of Ash Carter’s aids, an Army major general, was busted using his government credit card at a titty bar in Korea, like an idiot. And a retired police detective on a 90,000-dollar-a-year tax-free disability retirement was busted working full time as a heavily armed Army security guard.
I dive deep into lunatic Governor Jerry Brown’s plan to release even more prisoners into the streets of California, giving you the detail that no other news source even bothered to cover. A Los Angeles sheriff’s deputy was killed by one of the shitheads that should have been behind bars. An active-duty sailor drove right the fuck off of Coronado bridge in San Diego, killing four people (but not himself). The infamous Trump/Billy Bush tape, in which the two were heard bragging about the chicks they could bang, was released, and the campaign is declared OVER. Even more women fail the USMC Infantry Officer course. An NCIS agent got 12 years for his part in the Navy’s “Fat Leonard” scandal. A U.S. Army NCO was arrested in a sting when he showed up to have sex with two underage girls with condoms and lube. A naked man hangs out on the roof of a Sonic Burger.
The badass new USAD Special Tactics memorial statue is unveiled at Hurlburt Field. Thousands of California National Guard members were ordered to repay bonuses they received for going to war, prompting outrage. A SEAL wins his fight to keep his war dog. A dumb feminist who complained about the Marines’ high standards got crushed in an op-ed. The Army didn’t want to pay a soldier’s medical bills when the guy had a heart attack while doing the PT test. The USAF is turning old F-16s into drones that human pilots can use as target practice, and an old man decides to drive through a park. While nude, of course.
It was a happy offensive Halloween, indeed. Medford cops got in trouble for posing with hilarious picture of someone dressed as Hillary Clinton…in handcuffs. Stolen valor hits Nigeria, of all places. An Army vet was mocked by airline staff for her service dog. Cool story about the world-famous tracking school in Arizona. A guy sprinkled the ashes of his mentor into an orchestra pit at a theater performance, sparking panic. A naked woman decided to put on some clown makeup and chase cars on her street, which makes sense if you think about it.
November:
Another News Roundup Special, in which I lay out the reasons that I cast my vote for Donald Trump. Although I said I thought he would lose, I did hedge a bit by saying anything was possible, and the only poll that is reliable is the vote total. The problems with the Republican Party and demographic trends in the United States that I talk about remain; it will be interesting to see if the party can work those trends more to their favor.
After the historic upset resulting in Trump’s victory, I offer some modest proposals I think could help salve the intense butthurt of the leftists. “Family Guy” creator Seth McFarlane blocked me on Twitter after I told him to quit whining like a bitch about the election. The Navy doesn’t want this awesome boat, for some reason, but won’t let anyone else have it either. Medal of Honor winner Richard Pittman passed away. A cool video shows that the ocean is really freaking deep. GoPro put some cameras into an old warship being scuttled, so you can imagine being on a ship when it’s going down, and an absolutely hideous woman with a beard got naked in the town square and started screaming at people.
Yet another USAF combat controller gets awarded the Silver Star. A stolen valor fatass pretends to be a Navy SEAL. Retired USMC General James Mattis is considered for SecDef. We watch an outstanding short film showing the training and discipline required to become a Marine Corps body bearer, those who carry the caskets of their fellow Marines to their final resting places. The cast of the musical, “Hamilton,” decides to call out Vice President-elect Mike Pence by name and read him a note from the stage, sparking debate. Oh, and the audience booed him as well. Active-duty member of the Air Force is a bank robber in his down time. Thai military recruit beating video goes viral. Screaming naked man attacks cops; their body cameras capture them Tasing the shit out of him.
Fidel Castro kicks the bucket. I tell the fascinating story about how a ragtag group in the jungle seized power and held it for 60 years. An Alabama couple hoped to start a race war and kill cops by planting a fake bomb at an elementary school. The fascinating reason why bullets didn’t hit the propeller of those old WWI planes, explained by video. The worst case of stolen valor I’ve ever heard. A south Florida woman was arrested for performing surgery without a license after mutilating a man’s penis.
December:
I lay out the case for why whoever the new SecDef is, they should re-ban women in combat. I used an absolutely horrible story to make my case by crushing it line by line. The NHL wants to name their new hockey team “The Las Vegas Golden Knights.” Hell nah. The definitive video on how to sharpen your kitchen knives. Bowe frickin’ Bergdahl wants Obama to pardon him. A decorated USMC 0-6 is being charged with sexually abusing a child under five years old. A USAF officer is busted trying to sell stolen military gear on Ebay, and a naked man jumped out of an ambulance and ran off after being restrained for cutting himself.
Wesley Clark Jr. went up to the DAPL protests and made an absolute fool of himself, prostrating himself before the indian elders and begging forgiveness for the sins of the white man. I went into the history of the DAPL pipeline, and why it’s so controversial. Hard for me to take a side on that one. A scumbag SJW “human rights lawyer” was disbarred in England. Islamists killed 38 people with a bomb in Turkey. Islamists killed 29 people with a bomb in Somalia. Islamists killed 25 people with a bomb in a church in Cairo. And some great video of the cops Tasing a naked man in Philly who decided to start attacking cars.
An Army vet who was shot and paralyzed by a scumbag criminal lowlife decided to buy Christmas presents for the shithead’s family. I dunno about that one, bro. A relative of a friend of mine was finally identified as a Pearl Harbor casualty. An Osprey crashed six miles off the coast of Okinawa; thankfully there were no casualties. Lawrence Manley Colburn, a helicopter gunner in the Vietnam War who helped end the slaughter of hundreds of unarmed Vietnamese villagers by U.S. troops at My Lai, died at 67. FOUR freaking recruiters were all caught behaving badly with the usual tomfoolery, like dick pics, underage sex, and buying guns for the Mexican cartels. A car bomb killed 13 Turkish troops. A mom stabbed her own kids in the neck. San Diego PD releases video where a K9 almost takes a naked guy’s leg off.
Yay Christmas! I give you the definitive list of the 12 best Christmas songs.
That’s it. See you in 2017.
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