Before the seventh century, the Chinese already had their version of a truly modern-day American crisis. It was just another flavor of an age-old hullabaloo that stirs wherever neighbors are aware of other neighbors; the tendency to go mess with them and take their stuff is just too overpowering, and then it’s game on!

The only way people will truly get along is if there is only one person in the world. That level of serenity was only ever enjoyed by the likes of Adam. There were no rules in existence at that time; Adam did just what he wanted, when he wanted, and there was great rejoicing throughout the land.

Then in stepped the fair maiden Eve. Adam thought the creator must just be “ribbing” him; this couldn’t be for real. At once there arose the need for rules—rules if two people were expected to get along. The first rule on earth was that Adam must pee with the toilet seat up, and he must lower it when he is done. That was actually the first commandment.

You know the rest of the story: Adam and Eve hooked up, and next thing you know Eve ruined everything for everybody. Adam lost his home (Garden of Eden), his life savings, his kids, his truck, and his Ski-Doo (with trailer). A neighbor had noticed another neighbor, had messed with him and taken his stuff. This was this earliest known version of a rumble in the jungle known to Western mankind.

Then, around 220 B.C.E., the Chinese grew weary of their neighbors to the north—the Mongolian nomadic people of the Eurasian Steppe, who were constantly messing with them and trying to take their stuff. Even a couple of hundred years before our lord, people were already savvy with the congenital instinct telling them that, to keep someone away from you, you have to put a barrier between the two of you—build a wall!

So many years later, America faces the same scourge as the Chinese, only in our case we are plagued by our neighbors to the south trying to mess with us and take our stuff. But we’ll have none of that; we’ll build a wall just like the Qin Dynasty Chinese did. Worked out just fine for them. How could more than a billion Chinese be wrong?