I’m an honest man, or at least I fancy myself one. Working as a civilian for a government office with a top secret security clearance (TS) and then a TS/SCI (secure compartmentalized information) billet, I learned that I would be subject to a polygraph test. I admit, I didn’t think much about it at the time. That is, until my name came to queue for a polygraph that would carry a suspenseful timeframe of ‘within the next 30 days.’

Me, wonderful me, a polygraph test? My supervisor conjectured that it was due to the SCI I was holding. “Damn,” I thought, “we’ll have none of that.” I promptly called my security office and learned that, since I had not been active in my SCI status for over two years, I had been disenrolled in the SCI billet so someone else could use it. “Ah, that’s better.” I called to report to the polygraph scheduling office that I no longer carried an SCI, and I therefore invite them to kindly shove their silly test up their fourth point of contact.*

To my irritation, the office replied that, “since the process was already in motion,” I would still have to take the test. What? That is ridiculous to the nth degree! The process is already in motion and can’t be stopped? It’s not like they started the launch sequence to the Challenger space shuttle. It’s not like the hydrogen bomb has already cleared the bomb bay, you morons. Highlight my name on the list and press ‘delete’…all done. See how that works?

Well, bollocks, I thought, kicking a tiny imaginary stone across the parking lot as I walked to my truck to leave for the day. I’ll just have to make the best of this situation. I’d do some online research to get a better understanding of what I was up against, and how best to proceed.