Sh!t Navy SEALs say

It’s pretty safe to say that most Spec Ops/SOF guys have no inner monologue.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on the road with the guys and some single Team Guy will say out loud “boy, I would really like to rip our waitress’s clothes off.” This would be alright if she wasn’t standing right there of course.  This lack of inner monologue only gets worse when you add beer to the mix. Enjoy.

Shit Navy SEALs Say

It pays to be a winner: A term often used by SEAL instructors to explain that if you don’t “put out” during exercise until you puke or pass out, that it will only get worse.  They aren’t lying and it took me a few weeks of being on the Goon Squad (a painful club of extra beatings and torture) to figure this out.

It sucks to be you (or insert “him”): This is a term of endearment and empathy towards fellow SEALs.  It usually means some poor SEAL student getting his a** handed to him (often whispered among fellow classmates) or some poor bastard that just swam over the beach, unpacked his waterproof bag for a change out and realized he forgot his boots (15 mile click in wetsuit booties to follow).

Don’t be that guy: A SEAL student term used a warning to others.  I was “that guy” for most of first phase and it sucked, no one wants to hang out with the guy that’s getting beaten on by the instructor staff!

Shut Your Fucking Cock Holster/s:  This is often used by SEAL Instructors to request that the students stop talking and pay attention.  It is usually immediately followed by extreme silence for fear of death or cold water immersion. It is also used by other more experienced SEALs to notify “New Guys” that they don’t know shit and need to stop talking.  If this is not followed then expect to be hazed.  I once saw a junior officer (usually the biggest offenders) stuffed in a metal cruise box with a tank and regulator (no mask), followed by immersion in our water dip tank.  When the bubbles stopped after about 30 minutes they pulled him out. To this day he is one of the quietest SEAL officers I know.

Hooyah: A term used often in SEAL Training that means:

• Hell Yeah!
• Fuck off
• Fuck you
• OH SHIT, not again!
• Yes Instructor
• Not again
• A-firm
• This is REALLY going to suck
• This is REALLY going to fucking hurt

You gotta want it: Self-explanatory.  I used this after my friend Mike fell off the “Dirty Name” obstacle in SEAL training.  An instructor asked me, “how can you easily make it over this obstacle and Mike’s skinny ass can’t?” I looked at Mike and the SEAL Instructor replied “I guess you just gotta want it.”  Mike got pounded by the instructor and has never forgiven me since! Sorry Mike!

Everyone wants to be a SEAL or BUD/S student on Friday: This saying is used in SEAL (BUD/S) training to explain why most students don’t quit on Friday because they know they will get Saturday off to relax and chat up girls at the bar.  Usually Monday morning there is a long line of quitters waiting to ring the bell three times to “officially” drop out.

The Only Easy Day was Yesterday: A UDT/SEAL classic that goes WAY back to the 1940s.  It pretty much means that being a SEAL operator is challenging every day and the only easy day was the one that is behind you.  Instructors in SEAL Training would often tell us this and follow it up with “you guys will be colder and more miserable in the teams.”  I didn’t believe them until my first hazing, followed by a very cold night on a snowy mountain top in Afghanistan.  You were right Instructor Getka.

SEND IT!  A common sniper term used to initiate a shot.  It is also used as SEAL slang for communications or on the cell with your buddy getting digits to his girlfriend’s friend (probably safe to say she doesn’t know he’s calling).  Here’s Sarah’s friend’s number.  “Roger that, send it.”

You have about ten seconds to unfuck yourself: No further instructions will follow this statement.  You either figure it out or you’re out of BUD/S or the SEAL community (yes we cut guys all the time for not having it together).

Give him a happy hat and shut him the fuck up: This is another endearing term used to encourage a fellow SEAL platoon mate to give “The New Guy” a hat made out of 100 mph tape. Procedure: Hold down new guy and tape hands and legs.  Then once victim is settled down (may have to sit on top of him).  Proceed to tape entire head down to (and half way covering eyes making it impossible to see), run back up entire head and add a grab handle to better move around the New Guy (also used to nod Yes and No for him). If he continues to act up he will get a Lobster claw.

Lobster Claw: A very effective procedure for newly minted SEALs who have overly aggressive tendencies when they are getting de-briefed by senior SEALs on how things happen.  Procedure: Tape both hands thoroughly in the shape of a Lobster Claw with 100 mph tape.  This renders the fists/hands useless FYI.

Who’s in charge of this goat fuck? Usually followed by “you have ten seconds to unfuck yourself.” As described at the Urban Dictionary.

That is as fucked up as a Football Bat: This is a saying often heard among instructors talking to SEAL students or Team Guys just providing commentary at the bar or battlefield.  Football Bat as described at the Online Slang Dictionary.

If it doesn’t suck we don’t do it: You can figure it out but, the ocean/water is what separates the men from the boys in the SOF community and if you don’t think Hell is a cold, dark and wet place just sign up for BUD/S training.

I’m only here to drink beer and fuck fat chicks: I personally don’t agree with this saying but it’s used often in the community to poke fun at the Marines and Army guys (they like’em large).  FYI, I personally have much higher standards but, I am definitely guilty of lack of inner monologue.