Char Fontan Westfall has experienced one of the most significant losses a human being can endure: the death of a loved one during a military deployment. Her Navy SEAL husband, Jacques, died on June 28th, 2005, as part of a SOF quick reaction force in Afghanistan responding to a call for help from four of his SEAL brothers on the ground. The scene in which his helicopter was shot down was a memorable part of the 2013 film Lone Survivor.
Char’s story is one of resilience and survival. Although the events we talked about occurred over 17 years ago, I could tell they were still quite fresh in her memory and not incredibly easy to talk about. The raw emotion is still there, and we thank her for sharing her story with the SOFREP community. It’s never easy to talk about things like this.
She has also shared her story with the world in the form of a book, A Beautiful Tragedy: A Navy SEAL Widow’s Permission to Grieve and a Prescription for Hope, published in 2020. As I remarked to Char during our talk, this is one of the most universally praised books that I have ever encountered. Her story boosts people up; it gives them hope. It makes them think, “If she can get through that, I can get through my rough times as well.” It fully earns its 4.9 out of 5 stars rating on Amazon.
Prepare to be inspired. I hope you enjoy reading the SOFEP interview with Char Fontan Westfall as much as I did talking to her.
SOFREP: Can you explain your experience on June 28th, 2005?
CFW: I was a private tutor for an autistic boy, and I was out to dinner with him and his brother when I heard an announcement come over the news. It said a military helicopter had just been shot down, and there were possible casualties. I remember seeing that and thinking, “That’s so heartbreaking for those families; I can’t imagine what they are going through.” Then maybe 30 minutes or an hour later, I got a call from one of the other SEAL wives who told me there was an incident where SEAL Team 10 was involved, “and I just wanted you to hear from us before you started getting misinformation.”
Something in me immediately felt “off,” so I dropped the kids off and called my parents. They tried to keep me from getting too stressed out, told me to keep praying, and told me to have friends come over for the night. Later the next morning, I got a phone call that said it was definitely SEAL Team 10, but they had no other information, and they told me to “hold tight.” At the time, I was holding a weekly dinner for Team families, so I had about 15-20 people in my house that day. I remember walking down the steps with one of my husband’s friends to get a grill, and we heard a car door shut. You know, I’d seen movies where a military member died, and they came to tell the family, and I wondered in the back of my head what that would be like…it’s exactly what it was like in the movies. They show up in uniform. I just remember melting down.
Our friend said, “Char get upstairs; we’re not going to do this in the middle of a parking lot.” So they [the servicemen who arrived in the car] came upstairs and sent everyone away except for myself and two other Navy guy friends…One of the things that Jacques had requested before he went on this deployment was that if something like this were to happen, somebody that knows both of us would be there to tell me. So, I remember our friend Gonzo being there. At this point, they knew the helicopter had gone down, and they had not recovered anybody, and so the men aboard were considered missing in action. I looked at Gonzo, and I remember this so clearly; I looked at him and said, “so, there’s still a chance?” and he didn’t even answer me.
And then I said to him something like, “You shouldn’t even be here…you should never be here.” And then I ran to the bathroom, and got sick. After a few minutes, someone came to the bathroom to get me and said, “you’ve got to get out here.” I did, and Gonzo was gone. I said, “Where’s Gonzo?” and they said, “Char, you kicked him out.” and I said, “No, I didn’t”…so the very person that Jacques wanted to be with me, I kicked him out. (laughs). The Navy guys didn’t have much more to say, and they left for the night.
SOFREP: That sounds like a really awkward misunderstanding
CFW: It was…and the next day, they were able to come back and confirm that all the guys on the helicopter were killed. And poor Gonzo had to come back for that again. I apologized to him; he said, “please don’t apologize to me”… it was just a hot mess. Thankfully he has such a huge heart, and we all still have a friendship to this day. (thoughtful pause) From the day I found out, I was never alone. My brother drove all night to get there. My parents had to wait until the next day for a flight, but I was never alone. The Team wives took turns staying with me. I don’t think there were less than ten people in my house every day. For me, that was helpful; I needed the distraction.
SOFREP: What stands out to you from that time?
CFW: The community is just something you can’t find anywhere else, that’s for sure. The support. There are just no connections like you get from going through that life together. People just bring food; everyone brought food, restaurants brought food. People try to make it as easy as possible. People made sure we weren’t bothered by the media. The Command did a great job honoring the men and the families…they did everything they could. I remember the commanding officer of SEAL Team 10 calling me from Afghanistan, and I made him make a promise to me that he would bring Jacques home. Later, I found out that he told his wife that he had just made me a promise that he couldn’t guarantee that he could keep, but there was no way he could say no. Fortunately, they got all the guys home. That spoke volumes to me just how determined they were to bring everyone home.
One of the other things I remember was the outpouring of love when the guys got back to Dover. There were tons of people there to welcome the guys back. Even to this day, I’m in awe of the show of support and love.
SOFREP: What problems did you run into at this point?
CFW: I remember being angry, confused and generally pulling away from God. I was wondering, “What lesson does He want to teach me. What did I do wrong?” I was angry for a whole year. Drew [Char’s husband today] would drag me to church, and eventually, I sought some counseling. Eventually, I saw that He was there, carrying me through the hardest times.
SOFREP: It’s good to see you got counseling. So many people don’t take advantage of what’s available to them.
CFW: I don’t even know how people make it through things like this without it. To even talk through certain things is so helpful and gives you clarity.
SOFREP: Do you think writing the book helped you out as well?
CFW: Yeah, it helped me get to know what other people around me were thinking. You know, sometimes you are afraid to ask, and someone else interviewed some of my family members. I’m hoping that by sharing my experience and what I went through that will help other people. By going over the story, I think it helps you heal a little bit more. I don’t think you are ever completely over your grief, but you do have a choice with how you deal with it every day, and my whole goal has always been to honor Jacques. I try to be the best person that I can be so I can honor his memory and be the best version of myself for my kids and my husband, Drew.
Everyone here at SOFREP thanks Char for sharing her story and continuing to be such an inspiration to others who have faced adversity. We wish her and her family all the best.
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