According to recent reporting from AP News, a Somali suicide bomber in an explosives-laden vehicle accidentally killed himself prematurely while attempting to park the vehicle near the target location ahead of the scheduled attack window.

Sources familiar with the incident report that the somewhat overzealous suicide bomber was attempting to parallel park* his vehicle-borne improvised explosive device (VBIED) in the vicinity of a hotel frequented by African Union and Somali officials. During the course of parking, the explosives accidentally detonated, killing the driver instantly.

In what hails as another great contestant for the Darwin Award, the suicide bomber no doubt recognized his premature mistake as he wished for another opportunity to first make another attempt to park his vehicle, and second, take his own life at a time and place of his choosing.  While the location and device were readily available, the timing of the detonation proved rather difficult to reset.  Conveniently, only the suicide bomber was killed, with no additional casualties or injuries resulting from the blast.

This VBIED incident was the second in two days in Mogadishu, the first being another gloriously failed attempt involving a second suicide VBIED attempting to target an African Union convoy conducting missions in the city.  With no regard for his own personal safety, the suicide bomber conveniently missed the convoy all together, killing only himself instead.

African Union and Somali officials have henceforth announced their intent to eliminate all security protocols from their convoy standard operating procedures indefinitely, in the hopes that the “target saturated market” in Somalia will drive more young suicide “self-starters” to engage in further carefully planned suicide bomb attempts against forces operating in the city*.

While these failed suicide VBIED attempts provide a measure of comic relief for delighted onlookers, the recent uptick in VBIED attacks by al-Shabaab and other AQ affiliates is a very concerning trend that poses a grave threat to any UN and African Union peacekeepers operating in the region.  These two attacks come in addition to other recent attacks that killed at least twelve people in a VBIED attack on Somalia’s intelligence agency headquarters last month.

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However, given the recent trend in other botched al-Qaeda affiliated suicide bombings identified previously, it is possible all suicide bomb training has been coordinated and conducted in accordance with the very same standard operating procedures used by the reputable trainers employed by ISIS. As SOFREP has previously reported, ISIS suicide bomb training courses are renowned for their popular success rates, which boast a 0% victim casualty rate and a 100% student and instructor kill rate.

As the saying goes, those who can’t do, teach.  We can all rest easy knowing the majority of suicide bomb operations are being conducted with such practices in full effect.

Thanks for listening.

*This was a point of embellishment by the author for the purpose of entertainment.