In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, Space Force Senior Enlisted Advisor Chief Master Sergeant Roger A. Towberman said that, “without the lack of real guidance, we have decided to direct our focus on our soldier’s Balls.”

He went on further to say that, “the Balls will be in the fall time-frame because it would be too hot for Balls in summer, especially in Huntsville, Alabama.”

Nobody likes sweaty Balls.

Space Force Ball
Every year, the Air Force celebrates its birthday with a formal military ball and festivities many people remember for a lifetime. (U.S. Air Force photo by Airman Emily E. Amyotte/Released)

If the Army has Army Balls and the Marines have Marine Balls, why can’t the Space Force have…Space Balls?

And no, we aren’t talking about the Death Star that was the Empire’s ultimate weapon. While it is still an impressively sized ball and can take out the world, we are talking ’bout our soldiers and their spouses getting dressed up and going to a Ball with all their mates.

Last year’s “heatwave” in Alabama led to thousands of people taking to social media like it was the end of the world or something. One of the most popular complaints comes from ladies who seem to be struggling with “underboob” clamminess and similar issues.

Can you imagine going up to the bartender and men trying to pay with sweaty undercracker money, and women trying to pay with sweaty bra money?

Ladies, I understand completely — do your thing.
However, I feel that the male equivalent of this problem has been forgotten. So, here are a couple of reasons why the ladyfolk have it far easier in such warm weather:
A trip to the dancefloor is always a winner when the weather is nice, and it is relatively easy for a lady to adjust her sticky boobs without fellow Space Force Guardians batting an eyelid.
However, if I tried to play pocket billiards in the same scenario, you can bet my photo would be plastered all over the local Facebook buy and sell groups with the caption: “THIS IS A F*&%KING DISGRACE SHARE THIS SCUM TOUCHING HIS BALLS AT THE SPACE BALL.”
Thanks to modern society’s pressures, we are not allowed to “manspread” anymore while using public transportation or just generally when sitting. I agree that this can be irritating to other people, but it is almost a matter of life and death when the mercury is rising.
However, visible cleavage is very much encouraged in 2020, giving the heat a convenient escape route. Again, any public attempt at a male equivalent would result in a visit from the local Space Ball enforcer…the Ball Buster?
Rumor has it, this year’s Space Ball will be played by none other than AC/DC.