(Warning: strong adult themes and at times blasphemous content)

Crazy Cuckoo Crams Charging Cable in Cock

The phone charging cord after it was removed from the patient and placed in this emesis basin.

I went to sleep last night satisfied with my level of wisdom and worldly sophistication. Then I woke up this morning a moron all over again. It’s like I know nothing. I’ve never even heard of this sexual quackery that this guy engages in. Oh hell, there’s even a proper name for it — urethral sounding. I mean, am I just an idiot or what? I must just not be living right or hanging out in the right social circles because I have never heard of such a thing in my life.

Call me missionary prude in the sex department but I fall miserably short here (no pun). I’m trying to figure out what to blame for this lack of understanding. I just think I’ve never really taken the proper amount of time for myself to figure myself out. I’ve never just been sitting there and suddenly:

“Saaay… know what might feel pretty good — where’s my phone charging cable?!?”

So there’s that, then the other baffling half is that the brother lies to the doctors telling them that he accidentally ate the cable rather than inserted it into his bladder, sending them on a wild goose chase in his abdomen with scalpels. This is all just so disturbing:

“Well, Mr. Johnson… this is indeed quite puzzling; we really shredded the BeJesus out of your stomach but could find neither hide nor hair of your charging cable. Might I be so bold as to suggest you invest in another cable?”

“Well sure but the point is I’m in extreme pain, Doc!”