(Speculative and anecdotal narrative:)
Yes, if you catch up to princess Pelosi you’ll probably find her thumbing through her new stack of 2 Live Crew and Suga Free Gangsta Rapp CDs. She sent in some spittle to Ancestry.com and traced her genealogy to the Khoisan people of southern Africa. That came as a big surprise, but there was no use fighting her true roots — she vowed to represent them.
Appeared Pelosi needed to piece-up a placating plan to please and appease her peeps, showing off her newly-discovered innate ability to understand Africa — she knew just how to get through to the African-American community. “Hmmm…. need to think… got to think! Say, remember that show Roots? There was the slave Kunta Kente from The Gambia!” A quick Google brought up Kente cloth: “Say yeah, we can all wear a kente scarf to show our love — this is going to be the best demo ever! I’ll bring the democratic nation together and we’ll crush those swine on the right.”
“Throughout the nation, they’ll tear down statues of George Washington replacing them with George Floyd. My God! My people have already torn down the Washington statues — we’re halfway there now!” But in her heart, rather than Floyd, she knew the nation really needed statues of her kneeling in her Kunta Kente scarf of African loyalty.
Yeah but — oops — Kente cloth comes from Ghana, particularly sacred to the Ashanti folks of the Akan land. Aaaand she offended the dog snot out of Ghana — good plan, Nance! Africa doesn’t hate us; it just hates you!
Hotpants-Nance Pelosi — my, but I do love her so. If it weren’t for her senile hijinks I would have so much less patience to deal with the moron-osaurus-rexes that betide us. By contrast, everyone around me seems like a hoard of Karl Segans tooling around doing really advanced calculus in their heads. My Lord, I do follow her merely out of raw curiosity to see what kooky thing she’ll do next. I fully expect her to encourage all Americans to tie a black string around our fingers.
What, in the lower grasslands of tarnation does she even do again? Ah, that’s right… she’s the lobotomy survivor that pissed off the entire nation of Ghana, blaspheming one of their sacred traditions trying to relate to black culture. I mean mensch, a Dyson Cyclone Pro couldn’t suck up to the lib-left harder than her.
Let’s kneel for eight minutes and who-gives-a-shit seconds, symbolic of how long officers Reed and Maloy knelt on the new George Washington. Say, Hot-Pants, what about memorializing the captivity of an actual icon — Nelson Mandela — with a gesticular kneeling clad in kente scarf and head bowed for… 25 years!
Americans use a toothpick to pick their teeth. Japanese do the same thing but they cup their hand completely over their mouths to conceal the picking. They’re miffed that Americans do not do the same. Then they get over it and move on with their lives.
I mean to say that each culture has peculiarities that the other cultures find a bit revolting. It is by and large mutually understood that there is no offense intended. The Chinese have a ritual for going through a buffet that is amazingly complex in its hierarchy of approach, intricate, and ballet-like in its choreography of process, and ultimately a paradigm of efficiency in terms of equal distribution of product among the participants.
HOW IT ALL BEGINS
Chinese children begin to learn the ritual at the raw age of three years old, not attaining a sufficient skill level to participate in a “live” buffet ritual typically until the age of 30. Girls who survive to the age of three are not ready for the ceremony until 35. Consequences for errors committed during the ritual ceremony are dire, oftentimes sentencing the violator to serve as a Chinese buffet attendant.
Photographing or filming the event is strictly forbidden, lest the souls of the diners be captured by the camera and doomed to hell (also a Chinese buffet). SOFREP Managing Editor, Stavros Atlamazoglou, recently journeyed to Shang Hai with the express intent of capturing the coveted ceremony for the first time ever on film. He did so with the full understanding that compromise could turn him into the Chinese version of North Korea’s Frederick Warmbier.
THE COST OF CUTTING-EDGE JOURNALISM
Sadly, Stavros was caught, put through a mock trial, and hanged in Bei Jing’s Tian An Men Square. Stavros is survived by his family… bleah, bleah, bleah. Thankfully the video survived and made it back to SOFREP. In memory of Stavros “Stavbro” Atlamazoglou, we present to you:
WATCH Stavros’ Vid Clip:
Geo’s Bonus Vid Clip
Yep, Jurkin’s Non-Plan Plan for the CHOP-Chop is a Flop-Flop; Just a Sham-Sham — Awwwww Wham, Bam, Thank-you Ma’am.
1. Came to meet women; thinks the North Face poster child to his left is a female.
2. Doesn’t know what gender it is but knows damned-well North Face gear is rad.
3. Came for the CHOP-suey.
4. Starting to really get turned on by the thing in the North Face kit.
5. Thought this was a rugby team.
6. Believes the Army will automatically take him if he already has his own battle uniform.
7. Thought black was slimming; plans to knock off a 7-11 after the riot.
8. “Shit! Someone is calling my Uber number!”
9. Thinks this is a game of Red Rover.
10. Here during a break between her African History and Philosophy classes.
11. White Punks on Dope; hopes the student to his right notices that he is secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink plaid short, and — son-of-a-bitch — pink shirt to match. He’s an INCEL and will leave alone tonight contemplating homosexuality to score a date.
12. Nobody gives a flyin’ fuck what this guy’s zodiac sign is.
13 and 14. Both think each other has bitchin hair and are going to give a relationship a whirl.
15. Hates having her picture taken.
CHOP flops gathered with clasped arms and sang We Are the World until they realized nobody was singing the Bruce Springsteen part and everyone went silent. Shortly after, SOFREP reader Daniel G. was seen charging the line carrying a rugby ball and screaming: “MY WEEK TOTALLY SUCKED!!”
These goobers look like they all stepped out of a Seattle grunge club at the same time and decided to attend a what-the-heck riot. There is a commonality among them all, but each has his own story there in the naked city.
There you have it, the starting lineup of the self-hating, no job-having, booger and paste-eating, skateboard-riding, non-underwear-changing, parent-shaming, shit stains who are quite frankly bringing our nation to a screeching-halt ruin. This photo importunes the question: “How in the monarchal feudal region of tarnation are they getting away with it?”
Is this crisis a testimony to how many of our country’s authority figures are lib-Dems? How much of these shenanigans are taking place in AZ Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s jurisdiction? I frankly dare them to try him — he’ll have them wearing pink boxers.
geo’s Pun Meme of the Week
As the heavens bend above us, I swear to you these things are true.
By Almighty God and with honor,