Advisory: intermittent strong language

Oh, my God… the Chinese!

Muricans have typically made for some crappy tourists in other countries. But sports fans move over and make way for the new Patron Saints of awfully-behaved people visiting other countries — the Chinese! For all of modern history, the Chinese have been hard-driven to be the world leaders in some aspect of life, and I think they made have found their niche in the realm of really truly shitty tourists.

They did it all without huge armies, powerful navies, or air forces. They did it without humongous nuclear arsenals and hypersonic long-range missiles. They did it without lying, cheating, stealing, and copying… they did it by just being their wonderful selves — yeah! Was that so hard, China? I credit Chinese originality (whoops, an oxymoron!) for a number of other far-eastern wonders:

Somewhere in China, there is a HazMat Specialist prankster rolling on the floor laughing his guts out.

I blame this utterly ridiculous scene on the Chinese language, that outrageously complex and inefficient Chinese language. At no time during a normal business day are any two Chinese positively certain of what the other is saying. Apparently the Chinese Surgeon General went on the air and described the recommended best practice for Colonavilus protection:

“Have to wear it which protects such as with non-porous barrier like plastic forming bubblehead and around! Many layers filters protectingly absorb poison bugs to film! Do or face for certain death ten-thousand times!”

“Wang Chung… what the hell did he say?”

“Christ, Wu Tang Clan… you’re asking me? I think we’re supposed to put empty waterjugs over our heads and sing ‘Crack That Whip’ by Devo.”