“AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… yeah I get it, man… funny! I’m not going to hammer with any more spooge cans… just a regular Bob Hope, yooz.”
Bob Hope, comedian, actor, USO entertainer for countless U.S. soldiers stations overseas. (LA Times)
As fortune would have it, Mrs. Cuz was a hairdresser and knew just how to work the glue from out of Cuz’s hair and off his face. She did a remarkable job; when Cuz returned to work the next day there was not so much of a hint of the adhesive in his hair, a vision that I found truly extraordinary.
For sure I endure the nagging and pining need for a cartoon to portray the event. As bizarre as it was, it was sure to be a cinch to find the humor in a can of target spooge that blew up in Cuz’s face like a… a flash-bang grenade. There it was; the vision in my head of spooge cans replacing bangers in a tactical building entry, the bad guys glued to the walls, floors, and fixtures. I stuck a fork in it *cuz* it was done.
Soon enough I felt Cuz’s eye on me for a time, then he finally approached me when I was alone; I felt I already knew what was coming and was right:
“Yo Geo… this isn’t going to find its way into the cartoon book, is it?”
Oh, the shame! Yet again a man was missing the glory of being immortalized in the Unit cartoon book. I had to remind him; I had to remind them all that they WANTED to be in the cartoon book for the balance of time, though it might not be a glorious thing that they recognized immediately.
A flash-bang is a concussion grenade that does not produce primary fragmentation, only extreme sound and blinding flash that serves to stun an enemy momentarily upon a room entry. Depicted is a team preparing to enter a room of unknown threat posture, substituting the flash-bang preparation drill with a can of “explosive” spray adhesive. “Lid’s off!” replaces the usual “Pin’s out!” referring to the flash-bang’s safety pin whose removal is the last step before throwing the grenade. In the final scene, the threat is neutralized by the exploding can of “spooge” rendering the threat stuck to walls, floors, and other incapacitating postures.)
I had to explain to Cuz the same way I had to explain it to every candidate:
Just because you got hurt or injured or humiliated due to an unfortunate blunder committed while on the job… do NOT think you should get a pass for that from the unit cartoonist. That will not happen — “If you dance you’re going to have to pay the band, and if you have to pay the band you might as well make sure it plays your favorite tune!”
Recall if you will that the cartoonist has a measure of reputation to maintain with his public. The fact that you make the cartoon book is purely a business decision, one entirely devoid of any emotion or sympathy. It’s a cold, impersonal, heartless business decision — forgive me, Cuz! I am the cartoonist; I am the band — PAY UP!
By Almighty God and with honor,
geo sends
This article was originally published in July 2020. It has been edited for republication.
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