Wack-o Woman Whips Waste and Wee-Wee at Workers While Waiting at Window

I’m put in mind of the first time I was taken to a zoo as a little boy. There were lions and tigers and bears — oh my! The animals were just magical, is all I can say; they were enchanting and beguiling. The world was a perfect place that day… almost.

We got to the monkey cages and I was so amazed. I was convinced that it was the best display in the whole park! The monkeys were darting this way, swinging that way — it looked kind of like popcorn popper in there. Kids were laughing and yelling, clapping and screaming, stuffing peanuts though the cage bars.

Then my childhood fell out from under me, as sure as if a trapdoor had suddenly opened up below. One of the monkeys came close to the bars, reach around behind itself, and drew back a non-opposing thumb-having palm-full of its own feces which it immediately flung against the front line kids. I was on that front line. I was hit — “MEDIC!” I cried out.

Children began to cry and adults to curse. I looked at my hand and arm spattered with the fresh warm Primate — Anthropoidae — Cararrhini — Hominoidae — Homininae — Gorillinea — Pan Troglodyte SHIT! I became a man that day at just nine years old; everything I had ever known had been a lie.

(Staring in horror at the shit) “This, this is real… this is the real world — THE REAL WORLD IS SHIT!”

Never before had I ever seen such a primeval display of disgust; I never would again until I went to prison. There, disgruntled inmates saved their body’s foul products in their jail cells, combined the two varieties in a slurry, and attempted to douse their Correctional Officers (CO) in the caustic cocktail.

(CO) “You, inmate Hand… aren’t you going to try and sling shit on me too??”