(for Icarus)

Have you ever heard that the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus is “The Greatest Show On Earth”? Well, where there is a ‘greatest’ circus show, there has to be a ‘worst’ circus show. I worked at the worst circus show on Earth for sixteen years. That would be the Department of Energy’s (DOE) Test Site. Not only does it hold the title of Worst Show on Earth, it boasts the additional certification as the Most Crooked Show on Earth, since the founding of Reverend Son Myong Moon’s Unification church. Their Mothers must certainly be proud, yes. The Test Site holds the national record for squandering the most tax dollars per capita, of all government entities in existence.

It holds by far the most ‘fixed carnival features’ from the east to left coast. Step right up and try your luck. Win a prize. Impress your girl… and bring plenty of money, cuz you’re going to play the shovel-the-cash-into-the black-hole game over, and over, and over. Ride the roller coaster whose cars will derail at the first hill crest. Enter the fun house, the house of mirrors, make the bell ring with the giant wooden mallet. Win a stuffed panda for your biotch girlfriend. It’s all crooked. It’s all fixed. It’s all a sham to suck tax revenue out of the heart of America, and spit back a mediocre-sized lump of carbon.

I can’t count the number of times a customer told me, with regard to the urgency of his project: “Money is no object.” Well, I always chuckled and insisted: “Welcome to the DOE Test Site; I think you better sit down.” From there it was always a torrent of tumult, a maelstrom of misery, a labyrinth of lies, and a sucking ass-wound of money waste. Waste, waste, waste: waste not; want not. Haste makes waste. Test Site wastes money. Advantage: Test Site! Taxpayers: zero–FAIL!!