Sexual compatibility is essential for every marriage, and a lack thereof could lead to undesirable results in a couple’s love life. That goes without saying.
According to this 2013 research, intimacy dissatisfaction was one of the leading causes of 10% of failed marriages in Iran, where most citizens hold conservative views on sex. You could only imagine how much higher this number would be in places where people have more liberated views on sex.
So does sexual incompatibility automatically lead to an unhappy marriage? Only sometimes, and experts will tell you that. You can always take measures to spice up your love life, and that’s what we’re covering in this short piece. Like most of our articles, we got input from some reputed experts.
Tips From Sex Therapists to Spice Up Your Love Life
You’ll notice an underlying theme from these tidbits of tips: communication. It is the primary ingredient to a successful relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Don’t Be Pressured to Finish
For many, getting to the finish line is the top priority during intercourse. They forget to make the most of their journey, which is the bulk of the experience.
In particular, men forget that women require some heating up to prepare them for some action. They skip foreplay altogether, and that usually leads to a rushed and, at worst, forgettable experience. And you don’t want those bad nights to pile up, do you?
Gentlemen, never skip foreplay. Your ladies will love you more for it. And speaking of finishing, don’t pressure yourself to get there. That applies to both husband and wife.
Sexual compatibility is essential for every marriage, and a lack thereof could lead to undesirable results in a couple’s love life. That goes without saying.
According to this 2013 research, intimacy dissatisfaction was one of the leading causes of 10% of failed marriages in Iran, where most citizens hold conservative views on sex. You could only imagine how much higher this number would be in places where people have more liberated views on sex.
So does sexual incompatibility automatically lead to an unhappy marriage? Only sometimes, and experts will tell you that. You can always take measures to spice up your love life, and that’s what we’re covering in this short piece. Like most of our articles, we got input from some reputed experts.
Tips From Sex Therapists to Spice Up Your Love Life
You’ll notice an underlying theme from these tidbits of tips: communication. It is the primary ingredient to a successful relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Don’t Be Pressured to Finish
For many, getting to the finish line is the top priority during intercourse. They forget to make the most of their journey, which is the bulk of the experience.
In particular, men forget that women require some heating up to prepare them for some action. They skip foreplay altogether, and that usually leads to a rushed and, at worst, forgettable experience. And you don’t want those bad nights to pile up, do you?
Gentlemen, never skip foreplay. Your ladies will love you more for it. And speaking of finishing, don’t pressure yourself to get there. That applies to both husband and wife.
Even star athletes have their occasional off-nights. You can always make up for it next time, but make an effort to do so.
The ‘S&L’ Sandwich
The concept of ‘the S&L sandwich‘ came from Dr. Ava Cadell, a long-time clinical sexologist. Like working out, life can get in the way of having those much-needed intimate moments with your partner or spouse. But also like working out, you must find time for it.
Dr. Cadell suggests having a nice balance between intercourse and affection. Any form of intimacy, after all, is a form of love.
“I most often tell my clients to share an S&L sandwich at least twice a week. That’s a slice of sex between two slices of love. “It can be a combination of foreplay, erotic massage, oral sex, romantic lovemaking, or a quickie.”
It doesn’t matter where you are in your home. Feel free to start something up. Doing so could open new doors to a spicier romantic life.
Be Open About Your Fetishes
Everyone has their respective kinks. Experts already dismissed the idea of plausible mental illness connected to fetishes. In short, they’re completely normal, and no one should judge you for having them.
According to relationship therapist Dr. Laura Vowels, looking at your partner differently because of their kinks is the last thing you want to do.
“Passing judgment will only damage the safe space that you’ve both created in your relationship, and it can also hurt their feelings or prompt them to feel shame or embarrassment about their desires.”
According to Dr. Vowels, encouraging an open, honest conversation about fetishes is vital to a happy love life. If the idea of getting it on atop the kitchen counter or the washing machine gets you going, express it. For the person receiving the information, hear your partner out, at the very least.
“It’s ultimately a joint decision as to whether you feel comfortable engaging in their kinks (this isn’t an obligation in any relationship, and you won’t necessarily find the same things pleasurable).
“But at least be open to hearing about them and accepting them without judgment.”
Don’t Sweat the Infrequency
Many readers out there equate frequency to quality. The more you do it, the spicier your love life is. At least, that’s the impression that many have, but it’s not always the case.
Dr. Vowels advises all couples out there not to worry about the lack of sexy time. It’s all completely normal, apparently.
“In life, we go through ebbs and flows. You might find yourself wanting to have sex three or four times a week, one week, and the next week not wanting sex at all.”
Even if you try your best to make room for some intimacy in your busy schedule, obligations could hinder all that from happening. So instead of stressing about not getting (and giving) some action, Dr. Vowels suggests focusing on making a deeper connection with your partner.
“Be mindful and don’t put pressure on yourself – the value of your relationship and your connection with your partner can never be measured by sex alone.”
Experiment With Toys
If you read ourpieces on keeping marriages strong, you’ll see us mention the importance and contributions of adult toys to having a stronger relationship and a spicier love life.
Yet, there remain misconceptions about the use of these devices. You likely won’t bring up the conversation about sex toys to conservative friends and family members.
Dr. Vowels also addressed these misjudgments, particularly towards sexually-liberated women and their decision to add these devices into the mix.
“I find that sex toys are often wrongly seen as a means of pleasure that only single women use, but actually, couples and men should be more open-minded about using sex toys.
“When it comes to using sex toys in a relationship, men can often worry that their partner won’t enjoy sex without toys and might become dependent on using them, which isn’t true.”
Dr. Vowels reiterated the importance of using adult toys against the negative stigma. It also pays to involve yourselves as a couple. Many brands offer devices allowing partner play, which can work well even in long-distance relationships. You’d be surprised and likely amazed at the capabilities of a remote-controlled vibrator.
Stimulate the Mind
The mind is a powerful tool for getting the body heated up for some action. Nothing will work if you’re not mentally there. Conversely, even the slightest stimulation of the mind can get the rest of the system going. That’s just a fact.
Mental stimulation can happen even when you’re alone, and we’re not discussing watching porn. Instead, deprive yourself of a visual overload and read erotica instead. Not a fan of reading? Try erotic audio stories or podcasts. And if that still doesn’t fancy you, let your imagination run as wild as possible.
For Dr. Fleming, all your senses should be in tune if you want instant erotic stimulation.
“Think about the last really enjoyable, hot, fun, connected, juicy experience you had with your partner. Use all five senses, take it in, and let it be something you can come back to time and time again.”
Spice Up Your Love Life Today
As you can see, the field manual to intimacy is simple. You must remember and do three things: communication, exploration, and stimulation. Establish a deeper and more meaningful connection. That should be the top priority more than anything else.
And if you feel like you need professional assistance, go back to this list. This is the free sex therapy session you’ve probably needed all along.
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