Trekh Nawa, Afghanistan – The planned emplacement of an improvised explosive device (IED) on Main Service Road Tulley was delayed again, according to local Taliban leader Mullah Ahmidullah, because all the emplacers had to attend “another goddamned safety brief.”

“We were all set to go this morning, until I got my turban chewed by Mullah Hayatullah,” Mullah Ahmidullah complained.

According to Mullah Ahmidullah, four of his emplacers still had to undergo Operational Risk Management, Motorcycle Safety, and Gender Sensitivity Training.

“Seriously?” Mullah Ahmidullah exclaimed. “Gender Sensitivity Training?  The last woman we saw was the one we stoned to death for smiling!”