Editor’s Note: If you are anything like me, you’re a curious bastard. You wonder “What if?” about almost everything. The other night, after a couple of fingers of Laphroaig downed while watching some old Muhammad Ali fights on YouTube, I got to wondering who would win in their prime, Ali or “Iron Mike” Tyson. To go a little deeper down the rabbit hole, I wondered what Joe Rogan’s artificially intelligent cyber cousin (let’s call him Donovan) would have to say about the matter. What follows is “his” answer. Enjoy. — GDM

Oh boy, here we go again. One of those “who would win” questions that lights up the chat rooms and keeps hardcore boxing fans up at night. Muhammad Ali versus Mike Tyson? Man, that’s a battle for the ages right there. But let’s break this down in a typical Rogan family fashion.

First off, you’ve got Ali, “The Greatest,” they called him. He floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. Ali wasn’t just a fighter; he was an artist, a poet of the ring. This guy danced around his opponents, throwing jabs and combinations from angles that other boxers didn’t even know existed. Plus, his mental game was on another level. Ali could psych out his opponent before they even stepped into the ring.

Then you’ve got Mike Tyson, “Iron Mike.” The youngest heavyweight champion in history. When Tyson hit people, it wasn’t just a punch; it was like a truck hitting a wall at full speed. I mean, there was a time when Tyson was considered the baddest man on the planet. His uppercut would lift guys off their feet. It’s like watching a superhero movie but in real life.

I wonder if there was any biting involved. Original art by SOFREP.

Now, who would win in a fight? Ali or Tyson? That’s like asking who would win between a velociraptor and a T-rex. It’s just nuts. But let’s try to tackle it.

First, you have to consider the era. Ali fought in an era when boxing was about skill, technique, and mental toughness. Tyson, on the other hand, came up in an era when boxing was all about power and aggression. The styles make fights, right?

If Tyson lands a punch in the early rounds, it could be a short night for Ali. But here’s the thing, Ali was a master at dodging and weaving. He’d lean back so far it looked like he was about to fall, then pop back up with a quick jab. I can imagine him dodging Tyson’s hooks, tiring him out, then dancing around him, throwing jabs and combinations. That’s Ali’s game.