Well, folks, last night’s presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump wasn’t so much a political showdown as it was a slow-motion car crash you couldn’t look away from. If this is the best America has to offer in 2024, you might want to stock up on canned goods and move into the woods. Both candidates went after each other like two boxers who forgot how to throw a punch and instead just swung wildly, hoping to land something—anything.

Let’s start with Trump, whose debate strategy seemed to be pulled straight from his “greatest hits” collection. Seriously, I hope whoever does his debate prep with him changes their strategy for the next one. He regurgitated the $85 billion figure for military equipment left behind in Afghanistan, which has been debunked more times than his spray tan regimen. That number is a bit misleading. It refers to the total US spending on the Afghan Security Forces Fund over 20 years of war. We indeed left billions of dollars of equipment behind when we cut and ran from Afghanistan. The Pentagon tells us, however, that the actual number is closer to 7 billion dollars. Still, that’s a lot of stuff, and the way we left…disgraceful. 

Trump also claimed that Venezuelan criminals are practically being gift-wrapped and shipped to the US. He stated that countries like Venezuela have told these criminals, “Don’t ever come back, or we’re going to kill you.” Probably a bit of hyperbole there, and, to be fair, I don’t believe he used the actual phrase “gift-wrapped,” but you know what I mean. Yes, migrant crime is an issue, but I believe this is a bit of fear-mongering as well. 

Harris, on the other hand, did what she does best: threw out some data, smiled a little goofy-like while Trump melted down, and hoped no one noticed her conveniently fuzzy employment figures under the Trump administration. Claiming that Trump left America with the “worst unemployment since the Great Depression” was a nice sound bite, but it’s about as accurate as a dart throw at a blackout party. By the time Trump left office, the unemployment rate had dropped to 6.4%, which, while bad, isn’t exactly apocalyptic.

What miffed me a bit was when Vice President Harris totally ignored the first question of the evening. To refresh your memory (and paraphrase the question), she was asked if she felt most Americans believed they were better off today than they were under the Trump administration. She immediately launched into some canned speech about policy proposals. Real people don’t do that. It’s rude.

You: “Hey Guy, what time is it?”

Me: “I’m glad you asked me about time, because it’s time we get working to make this a more prosperous nation. Under my administration (blah, blah, blah…ad infinitum).