I knew that there had been quite a few Roundups, but I didn’t realize just how many until I went through the archives last night. Yep, it’s official: This is the FIFTIETH time that we’ve brought you the finest news roundup in the world. The best in military, pop culture, and naked news, all condensed for your reading pleasure. It’s been quite a year. A huge thank-you to SOFREP, all of our Facebook commenters, and most of all, our SOFREP members who make this all possible.—BK

Smoke Your Meth Outside, Please:

A man dressed in a clown costume was arrested early Tuesday after Waffle House employees caught him smoking methamphetamine at the counter.

An employee called police about 4:40 a.m. to report the incident, and officers said they arrived and found the beclowned man locked in a bathroom stall, reported the Athens Banner-Herald.

“It was slow that night,” an employee told The Daily Beast. “He was fully dressed as a clown. I couldn’t believe it. But you see some weird stuff in downtown Athens.”

Officers got a key to the restroom from employees and arrested 25-year-old Jacob Worthington, who was wearing a clown suit and admitted to having a knife.

News Roundup Special: The 2016 News Roundup year in review

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I love how they mentioned it twice in the first couple of paragraphs. “Did we mention he was dressed in a clown costume?” Well done.

Police took the weapon and brought Worthington out to the dining area, where they said he admitted that he had smoked meth from a pipe left sitting on the counter.

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This doesn’t even make sense to me. First of all, I realize that both meth and the Waffle House are things that people enjoy. Hash browns covered and smothered all the way? Hell yes. Top it off with a little meth, and now you’ve got something. But I wouldn’t really think of combining the two. It seems that if you ingest the meth first, which is what it appears he did, you really kill your appetite, no?

Here’s a better Waffle House/methamphetamine strategy, kids. You’re going to want to crush some of the covered and smothered FIRST. Very important. That way, you’re all set up for the next three days of re-wallpaper-ing your house or any other meth-friendly activity. You’ll have a full stomach of food before you commence not eating for the next week.

BUT: For the love of God, once you’ve eaten the hash browns and snorted some of the devil’s dandruff, make sure that you’ve got a bathroom handy. A favorite cutting substance that the drug dealers use is baby laxative, and that hearty Waffle House meal that you just enjoyed is going to get through your guts like the proverbial shit through a goose. You will punish your toilet in ways you never dreamed possible. You don’t want to be halfway home or anything when it hits. So be ready. In fact, that’s probably why he was in the shitter in the first place.

Officers searched Worthington, and they said they found LSD wrapped in foil and some rolling papers.

His book bag contained a jar of psychedelic mushrooms and a jar of marijuana, as well as a digital scale and gold box that contained still more pot and unidentified white powder, police said…

Damn, bro! I kind of want to party with old Worthington. So, to recap: Meth, pot, mushrooms, acid, and “unidentified white powder.” I wouldn’t even know where to start. So why are we even talking about this weirdo?

Your Weekly News Roundup: Man threatens to blow self and car up next to Pentagon, First Coronavirus fatality in US, Babysitter shoots 10-year-old boy, Woman hides meth in vagina, Man arrested for peeing in ice machine

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…The newspaper reported that Worthington, a Gainesville native, had been deployed about seven years ago to Afghanistan as a member of the U.S. Army’s 310 Psychological Operations Company.

Ah. I always wonder when I see veterans like this in the news…what went wrong?

“The frown of a clown brings down everyone around yet between me and you the most happy clowns are blue this is true for the best thing to do is to avoid them all together,” Worthington wrote in a 2014 Facebook post.

So he went from damning clowns to becoming one? This is like a modern retelling of “Apocalypse Now.” Except with meth.

You Shut Your Whore Mouth:

…The GRF, generally a rotating brigade in the 82nd Airborne Division, is the nation’s quick reaction force designed to rapidly deploy in an emergency. As the Spain exercise demonstrated, Army regards large-scale combat jumps as a crucial capability of the GRF.

But some consider this tactic to be impractical, disconnected from modern war and an unnecessary expense, if not a virtual suicide mission in a real war. Mass combat jumps have been rare since their introduction in World War II, and rarer still in the last 20 years.

He’s probably right. But…AIRBORNE!

“(The) current composition of the United States airborne forces appears more a product of the airborne community’s lobbying efforts in favor of their own size and autonomy than cold calculations about national interests or military requirements,” writes military scholar Marc DeVore in his 2015 Army study “When Failure Thrives.”

Perhaps. It may seem like an anachronism, but you never know how warfare will change in the future. There’s a reason we still teach map and compass. There’s a reason that the Navy is returning to teaching celestial navigation, sextant and all. You never know what kind of situation will develop and what kind of tool you need.

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Now, is Airborne School partly more of a tradition-based skill as opposed to tactical-based skill? Probably:

DeVore’s study, the first product of the new Army Press, sent shockwaves through the airborne community. In 90 or so pages, DeVore argues that airborne still exists today not because of successful operations, but rather institutionalization and military culture. Even from the start airborne operations produced inconsistent results, and he said in recent decades technology advances have all but removed them from the modern battlefield, both American conflicts and beyond.

Well…military culture is a powerful force. I wouldn’t just dismiss it out of hand and say, “Because we don’t use this thing on the battlefield, it has no place in our training and education commands.” Culture and brotherhood are a HUGE part of the military. It ties units together. It fosters camaraderie across ranks high and low. Today’s Airborne training connects our current military with the very first pipe-hitters to jump out of the planes in WWII 75 years ago. So I think it definitely has a place, but I kind of see the guy’s point.

“We’ve gone 38 years with it being tough to say any given airborne operation was necessary to accomplish the overall objective of a given operation,” DeVore told Army Times.

DeVore is not alone. Retired Col. Doug Macgregor has emerged as a vocal Army critic since retiring in 2004. The former 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry commander holds a PhD in international relations and calls large-scale airborne operations an “anachronism, a thing of the past” and compared it with horse cavalry use in World War II.

I have this theory that every generation thinks that things will always keep moving in the forward direction, but one never knows. Look at drone warfare. We all assume that that is the future, but we can’t say for sure. After they perfect portable EMP devices, maybe we’ll all go back to fighting with rocks and sticks again.

Vietnam Combat Vet Finally Becomes a U.S. Citizen:

Fofomaitulagi Tulifua Tuitele can rightfully add a number of titles to his sizable full name: American Samoa native; U.S. Marine Corps retiree; decorated Vietnam veteran; retired postal worker; proud grandfather.

On Thursday, he added one more — citizen of the United States.

“I did all these things in my life,” the 67-year-old Rio Rancho resident said in an interview at his home earlier this week. “But I decided to put the icing on the cake and get my citizenship.”

Great story about a decorated Vietnam vet who finally became a U.S. citizen after all of these years. Well deserved and well earned. Welcome to the club, Tuitele.

dh030316e/a-sec-metro/03/03/2016---Fofo Tulifua Tuitele takes the oath of allegiance during his Naturalization ceremony at the New Mexico Veterans Memorial, photographed on Thursday March 3, 2016. (Dean Hanson/Albuquerque Journal)
Fofo Tulifua Tuitele takes the oath of allegiance during his naturalization ceremony at the New Mexico Veterans Memorial, photographed on Thursday, March 3, 2016. (Dean Hanson/Albuquerque Journal)

With his family, friends, fellow Vietnam veterans, Marine brothers and assorted VIPs gathered at the New Mexico Veterans’ Memorial, Tuitele proudly took the almost-superfluous oath of allegiance to the United States, thus cementing his long-sought U.S. citizenship.

In August 1968, his squad was tasked with ousting a company of North Vietnamese soldiers from one of the many infamous hills dotting the dense jungles of Vietnam.

Deciding the best approach was to load up with grenades and inch their way up the hillside, Tuitele’s squad made good progress until they approached the hilltop, which the found heavily defended by a well-armed, well-entrenched enemy.

When one of his buddies farther up the hill was hit by enemy fire, Tuitele scrambled up the hill through heavy enemy fire to his friend.

“His foot was nearly torn completely off,” Tuitele recalled, “I pulled it off, picked him up and headed back down the hill.”

The wounded Marine survived, and Tuitele received a Bronze Star medal — the fourth-highest military award for combat — for his heroic actions that day. He later received a Purple Heart for injuries suffered in combat.

Bad Exit Doomed Airborne Soldier:

An Army investigation into a paratrooper’s death last spring determined the soldier’s improper exit from the plane caused his death.

Spc. Nicholas Roberts’ weapons case, loosely rigged, struck the side of the C-17 as he jumped, causing him to spin during his exit, according to a 15-6 unit investigation by the XVIII Airborne Corps acquired by Army Times through a Freedom of Information Act request.

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Roberts was killed instantly when the static line cut his neck, according to the report.

The accident occurred April 28, during a night jump into Sicily Drop Zone at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. It was Roberts’ seventh jump, but his first at night with a loaded rucksack and Modular Airborne Weapons Case. His inexperience was cited as a contributing factor to the accident. But the report also cited poor performance by jumpmasters, who failed to attend a pre-jump training. The jumpmasters were formally admonished….

Tough story here. A reminder that parachute training is inherently deadly, and that there is a reason why the jump master training is so thorough. Unfortunately, it sounds like these JMs didn’t catch some violations. Ultimately, as a jumper, you are responsible for all of your equipment being ready to go, but these rigging mistakes should have been caught.

..The rigging on his MAWC was improper, the report said. The upper tie-down tape wasn’t routed from bottom to top, as it should have been. The adjusting strap was not secured with excess stowed, and it had 4 inches of slack rather than the max of one inch. And while the leg strap was on, it was not tightened prior to exit per standard procedure. (The investigation noted it’s common for soldiers to walk around with the leg strap loose for comfort, but that it’s supposed to be tightened when soldiers stand up to leave the aircraft.)

The investigation found that the entire jumpmaster team failed to attend the “donning class,” (pre-jump training on properly putting on the parachute), as policy dictates. Instead they were at a meeting with the jump’s airborne commander at that officer’s request while the departure airfield control officer conducted it in their absence. Witnesses said Roberts was the soldier used in the demonstration, and that his MAWC was hanging loose then as well. The investigation includes conflicting accounts from soldiers as to the status of Roberts’ MAWC rigging and how or whether it was corrected at various subsequent points pre-jump.

Let the JMs go to the class, guy. Damn. That is bad for that particular Airborne commander.

Sikh Captain Wins Grooming Case:

The Army cannot single out a captain who is Sikh for special testing to decide whether his hair, turban and beard interfere with the fit and functioning of his helmet and gas mask, a federal judge has ruled.

The Sikh faith requires men to wear their hair uncut and to grow beards, and Capt. Simratpal Singh, a West Point graduate who was decorated for his service in Afghanistan, had asked the Army to waive its usual rules requiring short hair and shaven faces. The Army said it would not decide until after he underwent three days of specialized testing to determine whether his helmet and mask would work properly.

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Captain Singh, 28, filed suit on Monday, arguing that singling him out for such testing was religious discrimination, and in a ruling released late Thursday, Judge Beryl A. Howell for the District of Columbia agreed, and issued a restraining order to halt the testing.

If the Army wants to conduct a broader study to determine whether long hair, head coverings and beards compromise equipment safety for soldiers, regardless of religion, rather than singling out one soldier, it may do so, the judge said. And she noted that Captain Singh, who began to grow out his beard and hair only last fall, would make a poor test subject for such a study and that he did recently pass a standard gas mask test given to his unit.

Captain Singh, who grew up in Seattle, reluctantly complied with the Army grooming requirements for nine years, from the time he enrolled at West Point until last fall.

I’m kind of torn on this. I have decried certain grooming standards in the field as ridiculous man, many times. But that’s in the field. Captain Singh is not in a combat MOS, and really doesn’t have any room to argue in that capacity.

The religious angle is tough. The story notes that the military denying a jewish soldier the right to wear a yarmulke was upheld years ago, so I don’t see how this is any different. Plus, it sounds like Singh was fine with this for almost a decade. So all of a sudden he has a religious awakening and HAS to grow out his hair. Hmmmm… sounds a little like social-justice warrior posturing to me. I’m not opposed to it, I suppose… if it’s sincere.

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(I am not gay.)

Bizarre Cult Leader Spews Social Justice Slogans to Confused Marine Audience:

A more diverse Marine Corps will be a stronger Marine Corps, the U.S. Navy’s top official told Marines on Thursday.

Navy Secretary Ray Mabus has been at the center of the debate about women in combat. He pushed back against a Marines’ study last year that said women performed worse than men in combat roles and supported gender-integrated boot camp and more gender-neutral job titles and uniforms.

At a packed Lasseter Theater on Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, Mabus said those who meet the same set of standards should be able to do the same jobs.

“Stuff like gender and color and who you love shouldn’t matter,” said Mabus, the former Democratic governor of Mississippi and the longest to lead the Navy in his position since World War I.

But in 10 years, people will wonder why this was an issue, Mabus told The Beaufort Gazette and The Island Packet after his talk.

“A more diverse force is a stronger force,” Mabus told the Marines, “because of diversity of thought.”

Wait, what??? Um, since when are they concerned about “diversity of thought?” We all know what these weirdos mean when they ramble on about “diversity”: TOO MANY WHITE GUYS. That’s it. The next time you read a story about “diversity,” you can just replace that word with that phrase, and it will give you a clearer sense of what is happening. That is why the NBA, which is almost 80% African-American male, receives awards for “diversity.”

“I’m absolutely convinced that, a decade from now, looking back, people will say ‘What was the big deal?’ ” Mabus said. “The same way it was with racial integration, the same way it has been with ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ ”

Mabus is such a buffoon. The end of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” has NOT meant that people stopped caring about it. It just meant that, if you valued your career and didn’t want to get passed over for promotion, that you kept your mouth shut about it. Big difference.

Army Recruiters Behaving Badly, Part 1:

PATCHOGUE, Long Island (WABC) — A recruiter with the U.S. Army was arrested in Patchogue on Friday for possessing child pornography.

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Detectives seized a collection of pornographic videos and images from 46-year-old Terrence Cole’s home on Waverly Ave. The search warrant was a result of a continuing investigation initiated by detectives into child pornography distributed over the internet.

Cole was charged with one count of possessing a sexual performance by a child, which is a felony. His arraignment was scheduled for later Friday at First District Court in Central Islip.

SO. GROSS. How many Dateline MSNBC specials do these pervs need to see before it starts sinking in? If you’re trafficking in child porn, you’re being watched. And if you’re “chatting” with a sexy 13-year-old? Almost assuredly, that 13-year-old is, in fact, a decidedly UN-sexy federal agent of some kind. Who wants to kill you.

Army Recruiters Behaving Badly, Part 2:

A U.S. Army recruiter is facing charged after authorities say he sent a picture of his genitals using Snapchat to a student under the age of 18.

U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Michael McCullough III, 29, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child, sending obscenities to a minor and tampering with evidence, First Assistant Prosecutor Greg Mueller confirmed.

McCullough is accused of sending a photo of his genitals to the cell phone of a girl under the age of 18 he met while recruiting, Mueller said. He’s expected to make a first appearance in Sussex County Superior Court on Wednesday.

Michael Halloran, chief of advertising for the Mid-Atlantic Army Recruitment Battalion, said McCullough was suspended from recruiting duties last week and assigned to administrative duties at recruiting headquarters pending the resolution of the charges against him.

I’ve said it a million other times: Stop sending pictures of your penis through the internet. Nothing good is going to come of it. Extra bonus stupid points for sending it to a young girl who isn’t even 18 yet. What did you think was going to happen there, McCullough?

“Dad, my recruiter texted me!”

“Oh yeah? Good, what did he say?”

“He told me I had to finish my physical this week. Oh, and he sent a picture of his penis.”

“Huh. So did you finish your homework?”

Probably not, McCullough. Let me help out our male sofrep readers. Let’s say you’re texting hot and heavy with some new chick you picked up at the bar. First off, women usually don’t ASK for dick pics, but for our purposes, say they do. The proper response is, “Well, I don’t send pictures of my dick over the internet, but I’d be glad to come over and show it to you in person.” You’ve come off as both modest AND aggressively masculine in one sentence! You’re welcome.

If she’s not 18? Don’t get her phone number. In fact, don’t even speak to her or make eye contact in any way.

Air Force General Dismayed With White Pilots:

A top U.S. Air Force general is upset that “America’s Ambassadors in Blue” are overwhelmingly white.

Brig. Gen. Christopher M. Short, commander of the 57th Wing at Nellis Air Force Base, Nevada, said last month in an email obtained by the website John Q. Public that pilots with the famous “Thunderbirds” should work harder to find women and minorities to helm the F-16 Flying Falcon.

“I am asking for your help in finding the right pilots for next year’s Thunderbirds team,” Short said. “While we have several qualified candidates that many of you submitted, I am lacking the depth in talent we’ve seen in previous years and I am lacking in diversity of gender, ethnicity and [aircraft] background.”

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The officer went on to say he needed pilots who “don’t necessarily look like each of you.”

All current Thunderbird pilots are white males, and 14 out of 15 applicants for next year’s openings are white. The group’s official website says each officer serves a two-year tour of duty and must submit comprehensive career records and letters of recommendation in their applications during the selection process.

Damn these white males. Can they just DIE already. They’re so icky and gross.

“I don’t expect a huge push of diverse applicants, primarily because our pool isn’t very diverse,” Short continued. “But I need talent on the team as well, and some of the 15 applicants just don’t have the depth of record of our typical competitive applicant. I am hoping you have one or two you can engage and discuss the impact they could have on our Air Force by becoming a Thunderbird pilot. If you have insights on why we are not getting the number of traditional applicants, I’d love to hear.”

How many times have I told you? This is a religious cult. The cult of diversity is more important that being a good pilot. It’s more important that honorable service. It’s more important that competence and performance. This is all that matters now. I freaking guarantee that this doofus is desperately trying to get someone other than a gross white guy because he wants to put it in his promotion package. This is how you get promoted in the modern military.

As far as the question he asks in that last paragraph? Maybe guys don’t want to apply to be a Thunderbird anymore because they know that the idiot general is more concerned with skin color and genitalia than competence, and they don’t feel like slamming into another plane in the sky and dying because dummy wants an affirmative action pick. Just a guess, Short.

Active-Duty Army Sergeant Indicted On Capital Murder Charges:

The active-duty Army sergeant accused of killing his wife and a rookie Virginia cop appeared in court this morning shackled and with six officers surrounding him.

Sgt. Ronald Hamilton‘s first court appearance today via closed-circuit TV was for a murder charge in connection with the death of his wife, Crystal Sheree Hamilton, according to ABC affiliate WJLA-TV. Hamilton was held without bond, the station reported.

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Hamilton did not enter a plea, according to WJLA-TV. Hamilton’s attorney could not be immediately reached for comment.

A separate hearing was held about an hour later for the charge of murder of a law enforcement officer in connection with the death of police officer Ashley Guindon, WJLA-TV reported. This is a capital murder charge.

Hamilton did not enter a plea and he was held without bond on this charge, as well, according to the station.

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A devastating story out of Virginia, when a young female police officer and former U.S. Marine was shot and killed on her very first day on the job. Very sad, and a reminder to police officers everywhere that there is no such thing as a routine call.

As far as Hamilton, I’ve heard enough evidence. Judge BK finds you guilty as fuck. Find a town square, and a firing squad.

Army Vet Confronts Shoplifters; is Fired:

When two suspects tried robbing a Maryland CVS on Friday, Army veteran Joe Morici sprang into action.

And it cost him his job.

Morici, who served seven years in the Army, including a stint in Afghanistan, was fired from his management job at a Beltsville CVS because he intervened and tried to catch the men, FOX5 reported.

But Morici said his reactions were purely based on instinct when two men tried robbing the CVS pharmacy during his shift.

He quickly told cashiers to call 911 and helped an elderly man out of the store before locking the doors, preventing the suspects from leaving. Then he confronted them.

“The two kids ran into the door, which was closed now, and Joe got one of them and had him,” Chick Hernandez, a customer in the store at the time, told FOX5. “The kid, he had said to his partner, ‘Shoot him.’…And then Joe said, ‘I’ve been in the military far too long. You don’t have anything.’”

Marines Cut Ties With Recruit Over Actions at Trump Rally:

The United States Marine Corps has expelled a young recruit from Indiana for participating in a racially charged incident at a Donald Trump rally in Louisville on Super Tuesday.

Shiya Nwanguma, a young African-American student at the University of Louisville, was shoved and verbally abused when she attempted to protest at the Trump event.

“I was called a nigger and a cunt, and got kicked out” Nwanguma said after the incident. “They were pushing and shoving at me, cursing at me, yelling at me, called me every name in the book. They’re disgusting and dangerous.”

One of the individuals involved in the confrontation with Nwanguma was Joseph Pryor, a native of Corydon, Indiana, who graduated from high school last year. After the rally, Corydon posted a photo on his Facebook page that showed him shouting at Nwanguma. The post went viral and eventually attracted the attention of the Marine Corps, which Pryor had just joined.

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Pryor, you are too dumb even for the Marines for putting this on social media. Don’t get me wrong; I really don’t have any sympathy for Nwanguma here. Like all of these Trump protestors, she got exactly what she was looking for. I watched the whole video. She was enjoying herself very much, with a big grin on her face, flipping everyone off. These are standard tactics at this point. Afterwards, it’s also standard to bask in the glory of talk shows and newspaper articles, who absolutely LOVE to pretend that privileged, screaming protestors being removed from an event is JUST LIKE BULL CONNOR. Get the hell out of here. I mean, look at this video!

So, I’m unclear what the media would have Trump do here. This is like a thing to do now: Show up at a Trump rally, start screaming in people’s faces, calling them names, and flipping them the bird, then, when you’re escorted out and people call you names back, start crying about how mean everyone was to you and make the round of sympathetic television shows. This is so transparent it’s hilarious. But it works, because the media loves any story that shows white people as racist closet Klan members. If I showed up at a Black Panthers rally and started screaming and calling people jerkoffs, I’m sure that I would get the shit kicked out of me. And nobody would care. And I’d have it coming.

Still: Don’t put stupid shit on social media. I never put anything in this roundup or on Twitter that I’m not willing to say to someone’s face. That’s just a personal rule I have, and I think it’s a pretty good one.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO:

A registered sex offender suspected of masturbating in the children’s book section of a Barnes & Noble at a Huntington Beach mall has been arrested by police, who are seeking other witnesses and victims in possible similar incidents.

Huntington Beach Police Department announced the arrest of Bradley Meenahan, a 51-year-old transient, on Wednesday.

TRANSIENT. That’s a good old-timey word that I haven’t seen in the media for a while. It’s almost always the vanilla, “Homeless,” that the dummies like to use. I prefer other terms. Like bum. Hobo. Or just plain shithead.

An investigation identified him as a man who entered a Barnes & Noble book store at Bella Terra mall about 9 p.m. Feb. 23, when he was observed masturbating on the second floor, in the children’s section, a Police Department Facebook post stated.

He ignored a witness who confronted him, but left after a confrontation with a store manager.

Police responded but could not locate the man.

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Unreal. But, if they didn’t catch him at the scene, than how on earth did they end up successfully tracking him down? There has to be more detail…

“Evidence was collected at the scene,” police said.

NOOOOOOOOOO. Wow. No wonder he left when the manager confronted him. He’d already finished up and was just basking in his post-fap glow and settling down to read a few “Encyclopedia Brown,” mysteries.

If you’re the manger of a Barnes and Noble, you are NOT getting paid enough to confront a masturbating hobo. When a customer comes to me with that complaint? Sorry, I’m on break, buddy. Well, hopefully this was just a one-shot (hah!) deal:

He told police he had committed similar crimes more than 20 times a “random locations” in Southern California over the past month, the police Facebook post stated.

This is why you don’t engage with beggars in Southern California. Just assume that they just finished/are about to start yanking the old twig-and-berries and steer clear. Follow me @BKactual for similar, timely life advice.