One fall morning, I skipped up the steps and down the gilded halls of academia to my first class of the day for the semester. As I rounded my way into the class room, I was almost knocked down on my ass by an invisible uppercut to the chin called yoga pants. Yes, you know what I’m talking about. I graduated high school in 2002 and went straight into the Army, into a very different world than the one my peers flailed around in back on civvie street. When I left the Army and started college in 2010, I found that America had become a very different place. That, or I had been very naive all along. Men now wore tight jeans. Gay black guys are now socially acceptable. Teenage girls now wear transparent yoga pants.

When you go to professional-development courses in the Army such as PLDC (now the Warrior’s Leadership Course, whatever the hell that means) or BNOC, they teach you that all of your briefings have to begin with a motivator. This is your motivator. But when a Ranger goes to college…

As I walked into my class, a nubile 18-year-old freshmen was sitting back on her chair with one leg propped up, the heel of her sneaker up on the chair next to her. The yoga pants she wore were pulling extra-duty, the fabric stretched to the max and leaving nothing to the imagination.  I stood in the doorway, my mind taking a second to realize what I had been unintentionally looking at.

Now, this may motivate some of you young bucks, but as a 30-year-old father, it just made me feel like a dirty old man.