When I heard the news about Chris, my close friend Brandon Webb of SOFREP was at my house. As we got to talking I began to feel that familiar feeling of regret and remorse, the feeling that I’m sure every Special Forces Operator carries with him after he leaves his team. Every news story, every movie, every book pulls at your soul trying to call you back in. Since I left the SEAL teams in 2008 I’ve been able to, more or less, avoid the things that would yank me back into the only skin that has ever fit me. Much like an addict taking it day by day avoiding all the “Triggers”, I just barely managed to not go back in.

It’s now been over 4 years since my last opportunity to make a difference, serve my country and do a damn thing about anything. Helpless, mad, disappointed and afraid I began to selfishly share my powerless frustration with Brandon. He simply looked at me and said “Why don’t you write about your time with Chris and I’ll post it on SOFREP?”

Head down, kicking the ground like a kid who just lost his lunch money to a bully, I replied “Dude, I’ve got no business writing anything about Chris.” He simply looked at me, again, and said, “Dude, Chris was your student. You personally trained the best sniper in the world. You have a voice and Veterans and their families need more Veteran leaders to speak up.”

Like any Special Forces Operator it’s in our nature to be the “Gray Man“, “Quiet Professional,” to keep to the shadows out of sight. Standing up and talking intimately about what we do is a “No-No” in our world, and to be honest I was more afraid of being “That Guy” if I wrote something about Chris. But then it hit me as I wrestled with the notion.