(Warning: offensive content)
Did you know that you are all Americans and have constitutional rights? Did you know that you are human beings and not animals? Did you know that black lives matter? This Costco Karen… she really believes most people don’t realize that as an American she has constitutional rights! Karen is probably the type of civic-minded gash that believes that she needs to remind the police on every occasion that she, in fact, pays their salaries.
Karen, you need to ask the cops for their badge number — they love that. Then you need to ask to see their supervisor — my, does that thrill them so. Finally, you need to remind them all that you — Costco Karen — pay their cock-a-dooty salaries. They will thank you profusely, show you pictures of their kids, and dismiss whatever ticket they were going to write you up for.
I’m sorry but what a whooah! She walks around with a mask on but just dangling from one ear, refusing to hook the other side to make it an actual mask. $hit, Karen… what if I just put one leg in my trousers and left the other one out walking around Costco with my Schwanz hanging out — those just wouldn’t quite be pants now, would they? Then Karen stages a one-bitch sit-in to protest her constitutional rights being violated.
Wow, entitled and privileged Mel with her $40,000 Rolex watch. There must be a healthy dose of peace of mind knowing she’s strapped on $40k worth of accuracy. The thing is, you get even higher accuracy with a $5.00 Swatch because it’s digital, and no mechanical analog device can match that. That wealth comes with a price tag though, because mischievous Mel is clearly falling off the rails, losing her marbles, flying over Hiroshima with her bomb bay doors stuck shut.
It is not clear to me what her principal beef is here. At first, she seems sated with the pandemic, then toward the end, she suddenly seems replete with the antics of ANTIFA and the riotous BLM. She appears embittered by the notion that ANTIFA and BLM are imbued with rights to riot that she doesn’t have, what with her being blond, white, sporting such chronographic opulence. Mel feels slighted and senses a conspiracy:
One of my fav videos: Blond Biotch Belittles Babooshka, Bashes Brainbucket against Door
“Woah, woah, WOAH! What in the name of the north-western highland steppes of Tarnation are you honkeys doing smashing and burning stuff?!?”
“Oh, good evening, officer… we’re actually with the BLM and peacefully protesting thee-ah… the lack of… the overabundance of… the President’s policy on… the failure of… the systemic political corruption of the congressional attitude toward the body of the senate… as a whole.”
“You’re saying you’re with BLM?”
“Ok, I’m going to need to see some IDs and some BLM proof of club membership registration documents.”
“Yeah but officer, nobody just walks around carrying that sort of thing on them. Just look at all the pointless stuff we’ve smashed and burned here for some bullshit reason that we can’t even articulate!”
*Officer looking around and scratching head*
“Weeell… I have to say you’ve got a point there. Ok, carry on then, but remember curfew is at 2200hrs!”
“We’re not going to honor that, officer, and get out of our autonomous zone — pig!”
“Ha, ha, ha… touché, whitey!”
OMG — The CHI-FREAKIN’-NEEZ!
I chose to add a follow-up piece from my journey to Chiner to move my product, the Ice-G Gung-Ho Garment line. While I was there I was able to visit the tomb of our former Managing Editor Stavros “Stavbro” Atlamazoglou at Tiēn Ān Mén square. Stavbro is hailed as the Father of Clandestine Video and there is always a pile of fresh flowers gracing the door to the tomb.
This horny babe is making a statement in this cotton Tee with a design suggestive of a couple engaged in a lewd sex act and a pair of worthy messages. It would appear that not only is our written language indiscernible to the chineez, but our graphic design interpretation is as well. I wonder, did she buy the shirt herself? Was it a gift? Did she just grab whatever to wear from the laundry? At what point does someone just go up to her and ask:
“Āh Má… why in the actual name of shit are you wearing a shirt with a couple 69-ing on the front, and ‘Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear’ on the back?'” Let’s just face it, the Creator gave Chiner all the rice and none of the couth.
Odds are she is approached far more often in Chiner by people asking her where she got her rad, hip-hop, legit American swag.
This snappy little knee-length lounging Tee features black decorative scroll font set against a pink background with the message: “You Suck” N Asshole”. This makes a great birthday or Mother’s Day gift. Nobody wants to walk behind this lady because… well, I mean they don’t want to suck an asshole — right? Make a bold statement for the lady in your life with this treasure of Ice-G’s Gung-Ho Garment line!
Sleeveless cotton wife-beater features orange and white font on black background with the message: “Bigger Than Satan Beiber.” I got the idea for the message from an actual citizen of Albuquerque who in fact was walking the length of South Central Avenue wearing a T-shirt of the like.
I still had this glaring blank swath on the bottom of the shirt so I just stuck the first rad hip-hop legit Canadian thing that popped in my head — most of you already know how deeply I love Justin Bieber.
And I do love him, but for the love of God, for the first two years or so of Justin Bieber in my life I seriously thought people were calling him Justin Beaver, so that’s what I was calling him:
“Oh wow, did you see the new Justin Beaver video? Isn’t Justin Beaver so dreamy?”
That lasted, as I said, for some two years until a really cross 13-year-old girl rudely corrected me:
“Yo, gramps… it’s Bieber; Justin Bieber — not Justin Beaver… sheesh!”
I put the little bitch in her place good though:
“Don’t you ‘sheesh’ me, missy!”
Most chineez don’t/can’t distinguish between Americans and Canadians anyway, just like how we Americans think all Japanese and Koreans are chineez and born already knowing Kung Fu. Be the envy of all your friends in the smart-looking ‘Merican wife-beater from Ice-G’s line of apparel!
You and your best girl with be the talk of the town in these his-n-hers matching Nike smocks featuring the nihilistic suggestion: “Just Fuck It”. His, white font on black; hers, black font on white.
I didn’t really have Starbuck’s full buy-in when I designed this Tee, replacing their name with Snoop Dog’s “Smoke Weed Every Day.” This photo is a bonus in that it reveals the level of couth one might find if one were to travel to Chiner.
It is socially the norm to suddenly lance a boogie in a restaurant or wherever. But hey, man… let he who is without sin cast the first stone. The chineez who come to America are still reeling over the fact that Americans wear pajamas to Walmart and in some cases even while flying on airlines (Green and black emblem set to a black background, cotton short-sleeved Tee from Ice-G’s Gung-Ho Garment line).
Āh Fóng is all the envy of his peers in Wu Han. Why? Well, because he’s good-looking, drives a fast car, got a solid credit line with Vagina First Trust and Federal Reserve, and every girl crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man, baby!
Āh Fóng is sporting Ice-G’s limited print white cotton Tee with a screened image of his credit card. Chicks lay eyes on his Vagina and they know… he’s loaded! The good news is that chineez chicks are just as big of gold-digging free-loading sluts as American chicks.
As for the few chicks who don’t notice him right off, Āh Fóng just saunters up to them casually and: “Hey there pretty thang… I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet or not but I happen to have a vagina,” and her eyes light up! Āh Fóng is no fool; he knows how to work a room and play the field properly in his select attire from Ice-G’s Gung-Ho Garments.
Finally, when the temperature starts to drop and the leaves turn crisped and sear, you’ll be stylin’ like a muh-fuh clad in this sumptuous long-sleeved heavy pull-over shirt with the message: “You. My Best Mother Fucker” in black font over a sky-blue background. That message really reaches people; it reaches out and grabs them assuring that You! — You of all my mother fuckers — are the BEST of them all, an A-number one mother fucker!
You made it; you finally made it. You wanted to quit the mother fuckers because you just didn’t think you were good enough to cut the mustard. But you hung in there, you reached down deep and promised yourself: “I may not be the best mother fucker in this group, but I’m going to stay in this fight! I’m going to be the best mother fucker I can possibly be!!”
Well, look at you now — you made it, didn’t you? You’re the best mother fucker in your field… you’re on the top of the world, Ma!
geo’s Pick of the Week Meme
By Almighty God and with honor,
If you enjoyed this article, please consider supporting our Veteran Editorial by becoming a SOFREP subscriber. Click here to get 3 months of full ad-free access for only $1