Girl locks boyfriend in suitcase for four hours

Ms. Sarah Boone and Mr. Jorge Torres both 42 years old — a nation mourns.

This is terrible, I’ll throw that out there right now. It’s interesting to me because at face value I didn’t want to deride the story really, but then after reading it through, I became somewhat intoxicated by the raw, categorical, unadulterated, uncircumcised stupidity of some of our country’s gypsy-ass cracker trash.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be… 42, cheap apartment living-in, drunken, lying, bad haircut-havin’, white trash boyfriend named Jorge.

Boone, on the other hand, is a laminated card-carrying moron. She is on record with the National Archives and Records Administration as being a Fully Mission-Qualified (FMQ) moron — the sister has the letters “FMQ” tattooed on her thigh.