Girl locks boyfriend in suitcase for four hours

Ms. Sarah Boone and Mr. Jorge Torres both 42 years old — a nation mourns.

This is terrible, I’ll throw that out there right now. It’s interesting to me because at face value I didn’t want to deride the story really, but then after reading it through, I became somewhat intoxicated by the raw, categorical, unadulterated, uncircumcised stupidity of some of our country’s gypsy-ass cracker trash.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be… 42, cheap apartment living-in, drunken, lying, bad haircut-havin’, white trash boyfriend named Jorge.

Boone, on the other hand, is a laminated card-carrying moron. She is on record with the National Archives and Records Administration as being a Fully Mission-Qualified (FMQ) moron — the sister has the letters “FMQ” tattooed on her thigh.

When Moses finished chatting up the burning bush on top of Mount Sinai (Mount Horeb), he carried down the stone tablets etched with the commandments and the tenth one read: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife… and BTW Sarah Boone is a biblically-proportioned Moron, but I still love her for she is my child.”

Sarah just almost got away with murder, but for one tiny detail that she overlooked at the crime scene. She overlooked that she is a FLAMING-YELLOW MORON!! The hide-n-seek cover story leaked like a chicken wire canoe. I’m a pretty old guy, but I still recall that the only principle to hide-n-seek was that you weren’t supposed to know where the only person was hiding — right? I mean if Sarah had to help Jorge “hide” then what was the purpose, said every policeman on the planet.

But in her defense, I can tell you that when I was teaching my three-year-old Small Daughter to play hide and seek she insisted that she put me in all the hiding places herself, then she counted to ten and came straight to my hiding place — “Suprise!” and I had to act all shocked and surprised that she (somehow) found me. Yeah but… three years old; Sarah is 42 — FAIL!

Sarah to detectives: “N’ they-en I cawlled out ‘OLIE-OLIE OLSEN FREEE-OOO!’ as loud as I could fer tin minites ’til I passed out on the bay-ed.”