For example, you can turn fear into courage, anger into commitment, jealousy into appreciation, shame into pride, and despair into surrender. Admittedly this step takes great patience and willpower, which are part of this practice.
Step 4: Finally, engage the new emotion with self-talk.
This action blocks the old emotion from returning. It helps to divert your attention away from whatever drama caused the reaction to begin with, and focus on something positive, such as a teammate in need.
The positive momentum developed from this process will carry you to emotionally resilient territory. Let me use a personal example I wrote about in my book Unbeatable Mind: Forge Resiliency and Mental Toughness to Succeed at an Elite Level.
During Operation Iraqi Freedom, I was quoted in a newspaper article that focused on the way SEALs were being employed in Iraq. I thought I was having a casual conversation with a friend (who happened to be a journalist), and did not consider that he intended to use me as a source (my bad). He used my name and rank in the story to make it appear an official statement — one that was critical of the then SEAL leadership.
“As I received the verbal beating, I could feel my anger boiling. My instinctual response was to lash out to verbally defend myself.”
I got called out quickly by an official who read me the riot act. As I received the verbal beating, I could feel my anger boiling. My instinctual response was to lash out to verbally defend myself. And that was what he expected. But I witnessed the anger and sensed that a reaction from that emotional state would get me into deeper water. So I chose to interdict the reaction with an internally voiced command to stop the anger — while I nodded politely to the captain.
Though I was feeling anger, what I witnessed was that it was associated with guilt for my obvious screw-up and a fear of loss. The anger was a habituated reaction that clouded over the root emotion of fear. In those short moments I examined the fear, kicked its tires, and came to the conclusion that though I had made a mistake, it was an honest one and I was blowing things out of proportion. I chose to redirect the fear toward courage, and to maintain a focused, professional demeanor. I changed my internal dialogue to support the emotion of courage.
Soon what felt like a major incident was under control, and time moved on. Like many setbacks in life, this one was temporary and self-induced, yet provided a rich opportunity to cultivate emotional awareness and resiliency.
Imagine challenging situations in your own life. How have you reacted? Did the moment get the best of you and your emotions, and turn what otherwise should have been a speed bump into a full-blown wreck? If that’s the case, then consider experimenting with the above emotional training. Trust me, it will pay off.
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