It takes guts to fight for Russia, but it takes a whole new level of courage to go against it. Yet, this is what Pavel Filatyev did as he exposed the Russian army’s major problems during the early months of the Ukraine invasion.

Filatyev ( Павел Олегович Филатьев) was born on Aug. 9, 1988, and was a former Russian soldier who was part of the frontline fighting during the Ukraine invasion. He was with the ground troops in the early offensive that would ideally conquer cities and towns along the border. But, he was injured and sent back to Russia to recuperate. He took this time to write his memoir on the Russian social media site Vkontakte.

“They simply decided to shower Ukraine with our corpses in this war,” he wrote.

They Were Savages With No Clear Command and Goals

The 34-year-old Filatyev was enlisted in the first campaign, and they arrived at the training ground in Stary Krym, Crimea. Their unit was composed of about 40 people who slept on plank boards and made do with one makeshift stove. He said that even their poorest living conditions in Chechnya were organized better than what the military had prepared for them. Filatyev had joined the elite(supposedly) paratroopers of the Russian army, who were said to be getting the very best in terms of supplies and equipment.

“Here we had nowhere to wash up and the food was horrible. For those who arrived later than the rest, me and about five other people there was neither a sleeping bag, nor camo, armor, or helmets left.”

As a soldier, you’re not sure what kind of gear you’re getting or where you’re going to be assigned. It felt like a fast food chain scenario where you had to come first before the fries ran out.

Then, Filatyev finally received his rifle. He thought he’d feel the excitement to fight for mother Russia, but he noticed it had a broken bolt and was rusty. Even after cleaning, the rifle kept on jamming. Then, Feb. 20 came, and they were ordered to march.

“Some people joked that now we would attack Ukraine and capture Kyiv in three days. But already then I thought it is no time for laughter. I said that if something like this were to happen, we would not capture anything in three days.”